MAIN TEXT: Pro.24:16-18.
For a righteous man may fall seven times
And rise again,…(Prov.24:16a)

One major fact of life which is so real in marriage is that the journey is not always that of continuous success. It is important to know that one of the major matters that arise in marital finances is the management of failure. I read a story recently of a man who committed suicide together with his wife and children in America. He was a very brilliant boy while at school and while in the university too, he broke all records and went on to have his MBA, after which he got a good job. He then got married to a beautiful lady and they acquired a big five-bedroom home and several luxury cars. Everything went well until there was an economic downturn that affected his company which resulted in him being laid off. Due to the luxury lifestyle that he was used to, he and his wife could not face the embarrassment of losing their house and scaling down their living style. It was mutually agreed that they should commit suicide. The man shot his wife, children and then finally killed himself.

There is need for couples to understand the need for learning not just how to manage success but to manage setbacks. It is critical for your marriage to succeed, that you learn how to manage setbacks because the unexpected often occur in marriage. Please take note of the following as they may help you to acquire the right mindset about setbacks:
• Never allow the devil to make you lose hope. Losing hope will make you to be blind to other alternative options.
• The story has not ended. Setback in any area of your life is not the end of your story; it is just a chapter in the story of your life. If your business fails, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you cannot succeed in another venture in future.
• Failure in an area may open door in another area. Often, failure in one area may open another door of opportunity. Consequently, you should be on the lookout, as a closed door in one area may open another door which will lead to the same destination.
• Never abandon your family when experiencing setback. The devil may tell you that the best option for you is to abandon your family and escape. Never listen to such counsels.
• Remember that every problem has an expiry date. Though you don’t know when and how it will be resolved, believe that your God will do it. Don’t allow your life to be over before the problem is over.
• Try to imagine the worst case scenario and make up your mind that you will still survive it. If you have obtained a loan and the bank is threatening to take over your property, the fear of it alone may paralyze you. It is something I have experienced. However, if you are able to imagine the worst case scenario of the property being taken over, you may discover that it should not really be the end of your life. In most cases, the worst case scenario will not occur but the devil may use the fear of it to destroy your life.

Acquiring skills to manage setbacks are as important as the skills to manage success. Many have lost hope during the period of setbacks and done what they should never have done. Our scripture for today tells us that a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again. Never see a setback as the end. You will get out of it in Jesus’ name.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Have you experienced some challenges in your finances before and how did you manage the situation as a couple?

PRAYER
I shall get out of any financial challenges in Jesus’ name.



QUOTABLE QUOTE

HOWEVER TOUGH IT BECOMES IN MARRIAGE, CIRCUMSTANCES ADJUST FOR THOSE WHO ARE RESOLUTE IN KEEPING THEIR MARRIAGE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Jeremiah 12:5

“If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you,
Then how can you contend with horses?
And if in the land of peace,
In which you trusted, they wearied you,
Then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan?

One of the major matters arising in marriage is that of the management of success. We are all struggling to succeed in our business and every area of life. Many, whose homes was a place of peace and fellowship with God during the time they were struggling became something else when success came. Many even go into things that scatter their homes and even terminate their lives in the process. When success comes, it often leads to problems at home if you don’t learn how to manage success in your finances:
• You may start seeing imaginary faults in your spouse. You may never know a man that is God-fearing and faithful to his marital vows until success comes. You also can’t say a woman is submissive to her husband until God prospers her in her business or she gets a lifting.
• You may become too busy to pay attention to your children. For instance, it may become expedient for them to be kept in the hostel even during the holidays. You would have forgotten that if those children are not properly trained, they may be the one that will scatter all that you have gathered.
• You may start living your life as if the economy can never have problems or that your company can never fold up.
• You may start relating with friends that will lead you to ruin. Success can make you to start moving with strange friends who may turn out later to be agents of the devil, positioned in your life to ensure that are ruined eventually.
• You may find it difficult to listen to your spouse any longer.
• You may start accumulating liabilities which will ultimately lead to your downfall. You may decide to build a house that will require fortunes to maintain and buy luxury cars that will become a drain on your finances.
• Your pastor or spiritual mentors may become less and less important to you, making you to grow independent of your God.

Managing your life when success comes requires more wisdom and perspective than managing your life when you are still struggling to make ends meet. This is because success gives you more options to explore. You must make up your mind that when God blesses you with more abundant financial resources, you will allow the voice of reason to guide you so that you don’t throw away things that matter in your life.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Frankly look at your life, are there issues with your spouse when you just collect your salary or when God blesses you with extra resources?
• Is it possible for you to promise each other that however abundant the financial resources that God blesses you with, you will still take counsel from each other?

PRAYER
Father, help me that whatever the financial resources you bless my life with, I’ll manage my life with wisdom from you in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
YOU MAY NEVER BE SURE THAT A MAN IS FAITHFUL TO GOD AND HIS MARITAL VOWS UNTIL SUCCESS COMES; YOU MAY ALSO NEVER BE SURE THAT A WOMAN IS SUBMISSIVE UNTIL GOD BLESSES HER WITH FINANCIAL RESOURCES. -Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Pro. 25:28
MEMORY:
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls. (Prov.25:28)

Self discipline is the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses. When applied to your finances, it becomes your ability to control your spendings and minimize the influence of external factors in your spendings. Financial self discipline is so important in marriage because without it, you may bring untold hardship and embarrassment to your family through uncontrolled expenses.
Many people don’t really have a mind of their own. If your friends are buying a particular item, you should not get carried away because however attractive the item is, it may not really be needful for you. Apart from not being so, you may not be able to afford it without it affecting other useful goals in your family at that particular time. The purpose of advertisement for instance is to make you to buy the products being advertised. If you are not self disciplined, advertisement can make you to buy what you don’t really need thereby making other areas of vital need in your family to suffer. Also, if you are not self disciplined, those who are selling things on credit can make you to purchase things that will put your family in the bondage of debt. When someone tries to persuade you to buy things on credit and pay gradually, don’t make the mistake of thinking the person cares for you, the main concern of that person is to sell his or her goods. It is by the time the person starts demanding for payment that you will realize that buying on credit is like putting yourself in bondage. If you are financially disciplined, you will always remember the following;
• Even when you can afford something, you should really ask yourself if you need the item. If you need it, can you afford it? If you need it and you can’t afford it, then you need to sit down and plan for other alternatives you have to forgo to have it.
• You are not competing with anyone, you don’t really have to be in vogue if you can’t afford it. For instance, your children don’t have to attend the private school that your friend’s children are attending if you really can’t afford it. There are other good but less expensive ones for your children.
• Impulsive purchases can jeopardize your family budget. Don’t buy things unplanned for just because it is available or because others are buying it.
• Don’t be excited when you are offered a loan. It is not a gift as it has to be paid back and with interest too. Many families are in serious problems because of loans that should not have been taken in the first place.
• When paying back loan, discipline yourself to pay back as and when due. When you don’t, there are grave implications that will enslave you even the more.
• The latest fashion today will be stale tomorrow. The latest car today will be obsolete tomorrow and they are usually so expensive.
• Think of alternative options when things are expensive. In most cases, there are alternative options which will still serve the same purpose.
• If you are not self disciplined about spending, it is only a matter of time before you bring your family into a big problem.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
WHEN SOMEONE PERSUADES YOU TO BUY ON CREDIT AND PAY LATER, DON’T THINK THE PERSON CARES FOR YOU, HE ONLY WANTS TO COMMIT YOU TO DEBT. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

FAMILY FINANCE (2): MATTERS OF FINANCIAL NAKEDNESS.

MAIN TEXT: Gen.2:22- 25
MEMORY:
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Gen.2:25)

Financial nakedness refers to being open to each other about your finances. Severally, during question time after marriage talks, the question of a joint purse for husband and wife comes up. The way that individuals look at the issue of common purse in which both husband and wife keep the same account differs. Some are vehemently against it, while there are many who though they believe it is good, find it difficult to effect. Only very few actually practice it.
One important thing to note is that financial nakedness is not just about joint account but about being open to each other in our earnings and spendings. There are several reasons why financial nakedness is important in marriage;
• It strengthens your unity. Financial nakedness makes you to depend on each other for decision making and anything that makes you to depend on each other strengthens your unity as a couple.
• It reduces suspicion
• It makes planning easy
• It creates room for quality decisions.
• It makes it difficult for you to deviate into things that will create problems for your family in the future.



Obviously, financial nakedness is good for marriage but there are several factors that work against it:
• When the level of trust is low. It is difficult to open up to your spouse when there is low level of trust.
• When you don’t keep friends who support such idea. If your friend does not believe in being naked to his spouse, he is not likely to appreciate your being naked to your spouse. Your beliefs about marriage should be one of the factors that determine the friends you keep.
• When either of you has hidden items of expenditure. When you have items which you secretly spend on, it is impossible to be open to your spouse. It must be recognized that there is very likely to be some areas of spending which will be exclusive to your spouse. You should allow him or her that privacy while it is also replicated in your own life. When you do that, the tendency to hide will be reduced drastically.
• When you have not really bonded as a couple.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.(Gen.2:24)
The scripture talks about being joined to one’s spouse above. Such bonding makes it easy for two individuals in marriage to become one, which makes nakedness inevitable.
• When you are into immorality.
• When you are not ready to allow some level of exclusive area of spending for your spouse.
• When the fact that your spouse is the most important person in your life has not really dawned on you.
• When you have not really disclosed who you are to your spouse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• In which areas of your finances are you finding it difficult to be naked to each other?
• Why do you think it is happening?

PRAYER
Father, help me remove all obstacles that prevent me from being open to my spouse about my finances in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE OPEN TO EACH OTHER ABOUT YOUR FINANCES, IT WILL SAVE YOU FROM WASTAGE AND OTHER FINANCIAL ERRORS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Prov.27:20-22
MEMORY:
Hell and destruction are never full;
so the eyes of man are never satisfied. (Prov.27:20)

On a normal day, no family has got enough financial resources.
When you get married, you will discover that however much you are both earning, it is not enough for all that you may want to do. Even in situations where your parents are wealthy or providence smiles on you and you come into the possession of a lot of money, you will still discover that it is not everything that you may want to do that you will be able to do because there will be financial limitations somehow. You should not be surprised; you are not alone in it. It appears that the first fundamental principles of economics are also at work even in your new home. We are told that the wants of every human being far outweigh their resources. Due to this, you have to choose based on the scarce resources available to you, so that you may end up using your resources wisely. In doing this, there is opportunity cost, which is the alternative that you have to forgo, in making your choice.
In a lot of cases, the issue of scarce resources causes a lot of problems in a home where there is no understanding about the fact that the problem is not unique to them.
Many get it wrong by making the most attractive choices, but you will get to know that in marriage, it is not about the most attractive choices but the most useful choices.
Two major reasons why making the right financial choice is of vital importance in marriage.

The future well-being of your family depends on it.
Making the right financial choices has a definite effect on the future wellbeing of your family. For instance, if you make financial choices that does not allow you to give your children the right kind of education that you are supposed to give them, it will affect all of you in the future. If for instance, as a man, you decide to be a playboy even when you are married and you are spending your resources on pleasure while your mates are raising their families and building or buying their own homes, by the time you realize that you got it wrong, it may be too late as you may find yourself struggling to do things that your mates have achieved earlier.


It helps you to avoid financial embarrassment.
There are times that advertisement or the lifestyle of others may lure you into making financial choices that make you to be indebted for a prolonged period of time. When the percentage of your income spent on servicing loan is too high for comfort, it leads to financial difficulties and embarrassment for the family.

Making the right financial decisions in view of limited resources is of vital importance in a family because the effect of wrong choices will not be on you alone but definitely on your spouse and the children.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Are there choices we are making now that are though attractive are not the appropriate ones for us at this stage of our marriage?
• Do we consult each other before making significant financial decisions?

PRAYER
May we always be able to make the right financial decisions in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS MAKING THE MOST ATTRACTIVE BUT NOT APPROPRIATE FINANCIAL CHOICES, YOU WILL SOON RUN YOUR FAMILY INTO FINANCIAL EMBARRASSMENT. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi