The Anchor Mindset: Positive Parenting Mindsets 10

‘God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed,
and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;’ (Ps.46:1-2)

The anchor mindset is that disposition towards making your children to know that when the challenges of life come, they have a God that can hold their ship steady in the turbulent sea of life. In other words, life is not always a continuous pleasure experience, there are periods in which things don’t work out in the expected way. At such times of tribulations in life, many have committed suicide, other have denied their faith just as others abandon their families. Let them know that there is the need for anchor to hold steady your ship in the turbulent sea of life. Such a mindset will make you not just to teach but also to demonstrate to them that;

• God is ever faithful.
This mindset makes you to let your children know that the only friend who will ever remain faithful in every situation of life is Jesus. Every other friend will desert you at different junctures in life, but He will remain with you until the very end on earth and even in eternity. The closest relationship on earth is that between husband and wife, there is no other relationship on earth that may be compared with that of a couple but even in such relationships, there are countless number of cases where one disappointed the other. Even in situation where your husband or wife has made up his or her mind to ever be faithful, there are situations beyond human endurance which may make one to disappoint at such junctures.

Peter boasted to Jesus in Luke 22:33, that he would go with Him to any length;

And he said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death.

Knowing how sincere Peter was in his relationship with Jesus, he definitely meant every word uttered above. However, when he got to where Jesus was being questioned and saw the intimidating security arrangement and the other attendant factors, he forgot what he promised Jesus and denied Jesus thrice within a short time in Luke 22:54-62. It was not that Peter did not love Jesus any longer but he got into a situation in which his faith failed him and he denied his Lord.
Every human being has a level beyond which they can’t go with you, it is only God that will never leave nor forsake you.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.(Is.43:2)

It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. (Lam.3:22&23)

Never miss any opportunity through your own personal experiences and that of those around you to teach your children about the faithfulness of God because it will help them to hold on to God as their anchor in the tempest of life.

God can turn hopeless situations around.

In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came to him, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Set thine house in order; for thou shalt die, and not live. (2Kg.20:1)

The situation above is a situation that you may really call a hopeless one. Hezekiah was sick unto death; it was not the physicians that told him that he would not survive the sickness, neither was it any other person than the mouthpiece of God in person of Prophet Isaiah. In the following verses, it is interesting to note that it was the same prophet who pronounced the case a hopeless one that God still sent back to give him hope.

And it came to pass, afore Isaiah was gone out into the middle court, that the word of the Lord came to him, saying, Turn again, and tell Hezekiah the captain of my people, Thus saith the Lord, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the Lord. And I will add unto thy days fifteen years; and I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for mine own sake, and for my servant David’s sake. (2Kg.20:4-6)

It is demonstrated to us in the above case that there is still hope as long as you remain with your God. There is simply nothing that He can’t do in your life if you continue to express your faith in him. It is important that you make your children to note what happened in verses 2-3;

Then he turned his face to the wall, and prayed unto the Lord, saying, I beseech thee, O Lord, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore.

In other words, Hezekiah reminded God how he had walked with Him with a heart that is singularly focused on Him and God turned the hopeless situation around. Let your children know that once someone continue to walk with God in faith, he can turn any hopeless situation in the life of that person around.

God is able to protect His Own.

And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha. (2Kg.6:15-17)

If you have this mindset, you will let your children know that your God is able to protect your life. In the case above, the servant of Elisha was overwhelmed by the presence of enemy soldiers who apparently were there to capture him. However the servant of the man of God must have learnt one of the greatest lessons of his life when his spiritual eyes were opened and he discovered that the heavenly soldiers with chariots of fire surrounding them were more that the enemy soldiers.
The story will give you an opportunity to let them know that even when you are surrounded by a thick cloud of adversity and it appears as if you won’t be able to successfully get out of the situation, your God is still available to protect you.

God is still his final destination.
This mindset will also make you to teach your children that however long or short we stay here on earth, heaven is our home.

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Cor.4:18)

Knowing that God is your final destination goes a long way in determining the depth of your relationship with Him who is your anchor in the turbulent sea of life.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi

The Parental Assignment Mindset: Positive Parenting Mindsets 9

This mindset makes you to see yourself whether male or female as having been assigned to raise up your children without any specific role. There is no specificity of roles in child raising assignment as conflict and other unforeseen circumstances may change your traditional role in the family. In your own family, the husband may be responsible for house rent, school fees, feeding etc, while the wife may be responsible for clothings and other needs of the children. It may be going on that way for several years before something unexpected happens. For instance if your husband loses his job, will the children not go to school again? Something may happen negatively which may make you to add to the assignment you were having in the home before. On the other hand, it may also be on the positive side which may make you as a wife to suddenly start earning beyond your expected level of income. Such positive development may make you to decide as a family to move out of your former home to a more comfortable one or to start building your own. It may also make you to sponsor one or more of your children to a more prestigious school. If it happens that way in your family and you are now even the breadwinner of the home, always remember the following;

It Is Nothing Special.
This mindset will make you to believe that you are not doing anything special if you find yourself in the position of carrying out most or even all the financial responsibilities in the home. In fact, you should thank God that You have the privilege of doing so. If as a husband, your wife can’t work and you are consequently the only one carrying out the responsibilities at home, thank God for the privilege. You should joyfully carry out the responsibilities because it makes you more responsible. It teaches the children that the financial responsibilities at home is neither for the wife nor husband but for either of them

Your New Status Change Must Not Change You.
If your statue changes to make you now the breadwinner of the family, you won’t become bossy if you have the mindset of parental assignment. You won’t become ungovernable as a wife for instance if fortune smiles on you in your business and you become the breadwinner of your family. If as a husband, you find yourself in a position which is higher than what you were before, you won’t throw away your wife that she is no longer befitting to you. When you maltreat your wife or husband just because fortune smiles on you, you will be sending the wrong message to your children that it is not worth it to endure with a spouse to keep a home.

You won’t be complaining about your spouse.
You won’t be complaining about your spouse, especially in the presence of your children just. When as a man, you are fond of complaining about your wife just because you are the breadwinner of the family, it may have a negative effect on the relationship between you and your children. In many cases, the children would feel that you are maltreating their mother and once they are old enough take their mother away to be with them under such pretext like helping them to take care of baby. It may also make your children to hate you because they may feel that you have maltreated their mother.

Don’t make the children to know that roles have changed.
If your spouse has been carrying out a responsibility before but for some understandable reasons, such as job loss or other unexpected challenges makes him unable to continue with it, don’t demonstrate it to your children that you are now the one carrying out the assignment. Just take it on as if it is your role. I know of women that when they want to pay the school fees of their children will tell such a child that it is her husband or both of them paying.

You won’t become ungovernable at home.

There are wives that their husbands can’t control just because providence made them to become the breadwinner of the home. Your new status should not make you to become beyond correction. You should always remember that no man can receive anything except it is given to him from above.

…A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.

Humility is the hallmark of a true believer in whatever position you may be.

You won’t Indulge Your Children.
Often when God has blessed you, you may have the feeling that whatever you say is the best ideas; you get to a stage that you believe that what your spouse says does not matter. One of the most prominent ways it may affect the family is on the upbringing of your children. When you spouse wants to discipline your children, you may insist that he could not do so because if they are ill, you are the one that will pay hospital bills. If you and your spouse are always not in agreement in the process of the upbringing of your children, your children may become spoilt children due to indulgence.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi

The Positive Relationship Mindset: Positive Parenting Mindsets 8

The positive relationship mindset makes you to train your children to only allow friends and significant others in their lives to affect their lives positively. This mindset is reflected in the way you make your children to know that relationship matters. Let them know that the people you relate with in life are some of the most important determinants of your destiny. The friends they relate with matters, whoever they look up to as role model matters, also their partner in marriage is very important. The behavior of any adult is determined by two factors; genetics and environment. In other words, all your behavior is shaped by the genes you inherited from your parents and the people that you interact with as you are growing up which constitutes your environment. Taken that there is not much a child can do about what he has already inherited, the relationships that your children are exposed to may be selectively attended to by you. For instance, you need to be selective about friends they keep especially when they are still at home. Once they leave home, it may be relatively difficult to affect their choice of relationships. Also, you have to pay attention when they are at home because the friends they will keep after leaving home may be determined by the foundation that has been laid for them while at home. Some of the teachings which may be useful at this stage are briefly discussed below:

Friends as Determinants of future well being.
Your future well being may be determined to a large extent by friends you keep and people that you fall under their sphere of influence. If you make them to realize this while they are still under your influence, it will help them in choosing quality friends by the time they leave home. Let them know that friends have great potential to change their outlook on life and their responses and the way they respond to situations. They should therefore know and be able to practice the principle of separation due to destination; that is, if a friend is not going in the same destination with you, it is better to separate from him so that you won’t end up at his own destination.

Friends Should not erase who you are.
Let them know also that they should be real to themselves. They should not try to hide their identity while they are with friends because that may make them susceptible to being negatively influenced. For instance, if your son on gaining admission to the university decides that he doesn’t want his friends to be seeing him always with the Bible so that they would not be teasing him, it is just a matter of time for him to deviate from the Christian foundation which you gave him at home.

Every friend is transient.
Let your child know that friends are transient in nature, none of them is permanent. However close a friend is to you, one day, the juncture of separation will come.
Many of those that he is relating with while at school will fade out at graduation, many of those that do not fade out will lose their relevance once you get married. Friends that last throughout your lifetime are so rare that they are almost non existent. Consequently, while you may encourage good friends who may influence them positively, they need to realize that they should hold themselves responsible for their way of life, they should not allow friends to dictate the way to do things. Their joy or fulfillment should not be dependent on their friends because they are human beings who has the tendency to disappoint though sometimes unknowingly.
You also need to make them to realize that behind many ruined destinies are friends who those lives thought were doing them good.
The only permanent friend friend who will be with you throughout your life and even till eternity is Jesus Christ. It therefore becomes imperative to know him and continually be His friend.

Your Spouse Will Be Your Longest Serving Friend or Enemy.
This mindset will make you to teach your children that the spouse will be their longest serving friend or enemy. This will make them to be careful when time comes to decide about it. Let them know that on the average, they will spend at least two thirds of their entire lifetime with their life partner, if it is so then they have to be careful of their choice of life partner. Since your spouse will be your longest serving friend or foe, it means that if your spouse is a friend, the journey will be a continuous experience of pleasure but if your spouse is an enemy, then you need to be pitied. Consequently, the choice of whom to marry is one of the most important decisions you have to make in life.

Your Friends Should Not Be Regarded As An Extra Tyre.
Most people make use of their friends the way they treat the extra tyre of their car. Hardly do you check the state of your extra tyre until you need it. One day, I had flat tyre on a journey and I remembered immediately that I have an extra tyre in my boot. I confidently opened the boot, but unfortunately though the tyre was there, it had gone flat. Had it been that I occasionally checked on my extra tyre, it would not have disappointed me the way it did that day. You teach them that people that are useful for you should not just be called when you need them, check on their welfare once in a while, so that by the time you need them, they may still be available for you.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi

The Self Disciplined Mindset: Positive Parenting Mindsets 7

‘He that hath no rule over his own spirit
is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.'(Prov.25:28)

This mindset makes you to train your child to be in control of his feelings and overcome his weaknesses. It will make him to own up in his areas of weaknesses and avoid blaming others for his own errors. A self disciplined person will become a force to reckon with in life.
Self disciplined mindset will make you to emphasize the following to your children;
• There is Consequence for Wrong decisions.
Your child should be made to know that just as there is reward for good behavior, there is consequence for wrong decisions. He should be made to deliberately work on himself from going against set rules even when it is inconvenient for him to do so.

• Let her understand the golden rule.
Your children should be made to know that it is wrong for them to do unto other what they would not like to be recipients of. Let them know that if you are doing unto others what you don’t want them to do to you, you are either being outrightly wicked or a hypocrite.

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matt.7:12)

A lot of the wickedness going on in the world today is going on because the perpetrators of those evils are not putting themselves in the shoes of those they are dealing with. Teach your child to ask himself how he would feel if what he is about doing to another person is done to him. Any child trained with such consciousness will not deliberately hurt another person.

• Instructions must be followed.
Let them know that unless permission to differ has been sought and received, instructions once given must be followed. Every human being want to be independent but the independence is often the bane of a lot of so much wrongdoing in the world. Let your child know that as much as he may want to do things his own way there must be boundaries to keep.

• Own up when wrong.
One of the major problems in the society today is that of people that instead of owing up for wrongdoing they are always looking for excuses. Anyone who gives excuse for wrongdoing will still do the same thing and even worse later in the future. Persistent looking for excuses is one of the life features of irresponsible people, there is need for your children to grow up and become responsible adults.

• Forgo present consumption to invest in the future.
Delayed gratification is one habit that makes people to be able to invest so as to reap multiple fruits in the future. Anyone who is always thinking about consumption may not amount to anything significant in the future. Consequently, every parent who has the self disciplined mindset will be mindful of making their children to learn how to forgo present pleasures to direct their resources to future gratifications.

• Let him understand due process and avoid shortcuts.
Avoiding due process is a feature of people who are not self disciplined. There is therefore the need for you to train your child to go through due process. If there is any free meal somewhere, then, someone must have paid for it. In other words, there is really no free meal anywhere. If someone encourage you to play lottery and you win instantly, just know that the fabulous amount you have won must have been used to play by numerous people who also played, hoping to win but did not. If you because you won today get encouraged to play more, all the money you a have won, and more will be given back to the lottery company! Many people get addicted to such habits of looking for quick money because they can’t follow the due process of working to get money. Train them not to jump queues, those on the line are not fools!

• Let him understand that there is time for everything.
Part of self disciplined lifestyle which you need to imbibe in your children is to do the right thing at the right time. When you do the right thing at the wrong time, you will most likely get wrong results; at the same time, when you do the wrong thing at the right time, you will still be wrong. That is why the scriptures in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, it is stated;

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;…

Your relationship with your wife serves as the laboratory where to demonstrate the practice of so many of the godly values that you may wish to teach your children..
Dr. Mike Oluniyi


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