Forgiveness In Marriage :Couples Companion Day 26

Main Text. Matt.18:21-35

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. (‭Matt.18:22)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Offenses are inevitable in marriage. However deeply in love you and your spouse are, you will offend each other. So, if your spouse has disappointed you by doing something that you never expected, don’t think you are alone; others also experience it. One important rule in marriage appears to be; ‘Thou shall be offended.’ If you must offend each other and your marriage vows is ’till death do us part’, it follows that having a peaceful home requires you to have the ability to forgive. In fact someone defined marriage as “two forgivers living together” There are several reasons why you need to forgive.

The first one is that there are worse cases than what your spouse has done. You may not really need to look far before you discover worse things that someone else’s spouse has done. They are together because they have learnt to forgive.

Second, think about the implications of a broken home. The devastating effect of broken home on either of the partners as well as the children and the society at large makes it imperative for you to forgive.

Thirdly, if you really put yourself in the position of your spouse and understand the underlying causes, you might have done something worse than what your spouse did.

Fourthly, ask yourself ‘What will God want me to do?’ However offended you are, if you ask yourself this question, the answer will most likely point to forgiveness.

Fifthly, when you refuse to forgive and allow the offense to linger, the conflict gets more and more complex. That is why you are counseled in the scriptures;

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.and at a stage may become so complicated and lead to either separation or divorce. (Eph.4:26-27)

Next reason, God does not forgive unforgivers;
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. (‭Matt.6:12)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬
It is clear from the above scripture that when you have been offended by your spouse and you refuse to forgive, it is just a way of telling God that you don’t need His forgiveness.

Finally, you and your children may not be able to afford the consequences of a broken home, which is what unforgiveness ultimately leads to.

So, the challenge for you today from the Word of God is: Forgive, because the implications of unforgiveness is grave on your marriage and your walk with God.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Can you remember how many times your spouse has offended you since you got married?
* Can you remember the times you’ve offended your spouse too?
* Are there any offenses yet to be forgiven? Why?

Lord, I receive the grace to forgive my spouse of whatever offense he/she might have committed against me in Jesus’ name.
(505 words)



Main Text. 1Cor.10:8-13
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1Cor.10:13)

Why do you need to have self discipline in sex matters? The following are some of the reasons why it is vital.

The scriptures commands it.
In the Old as well as New Testaments, the scriptures strictly warn against sexual immorality (Ex.20:18; 1Cor.6:18). You should always remember that the most important requirement for a life of impact with God is obedience. If you call yourself a child of God, you are simply deceiving yourself if you are not obedient.

The covenant of marriage demands it.
The covenant of marriage is a very powerful covenant. In it, before God and His church, you have given yourself over to your husband or wife and to no one else. If you are not self disciplined, there is no way that you will not break this covenant. If you know the meaning of covenant and the fact that God takes covenant breaking so seriously, you will avoid extramarital affairs by all means. (Rom.1:29-32)

Your spiritual development demands it.
If you are not self disciplined, sometimes your spouse will deny you sex and you will do things that will draw you back in your spiritual development. Immorality is one of the greatest sources of spiritual stuntedness in the life of many.

Your health demands it.
If you are not self disciplined, you may expose yourself and your spouse to a wide range of health challenges. AIDS and other devastating contagious sexually transmitted diseases may be contracted through illicit sexual affairs.

Fairness to your spouse demands it.
Can you imagine discovering your spouse cheating on you? If you will not feel good about it, you should put yourself in the position of your spouse whenever you are tempted and be fair to him / her. So, fairness to your spouse demands that you should be self disciplined about sexual temptations.

Commitment to those you lead demands it.
If you are a responsible leader you must be able to teach your followers the right principles through your own way of life. Consequently, your commitment to those you lead demands that you discipline yourself in sexual matters.

Your desire to finish strong demands it.
Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: …(Eccl.7:8)

Heavenly rewards are reserved for those who are able to deny themselves of unrighteous gratifications which the devil brings through diverse temptations in the process of walking with God (2Tim.4:7&8). So, you need self discipline because finishing strong demands it.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Never be too sure that you can’t fall into sexual immorality! You have your unguarded moments which the devil may capitalize on. What are some steps which you feel you need to take so that you don’t fall?
• Do you feel there is anything your spouse is doing which may expose him/ her to sexual temptations?

I receive the grace for self discipline so that I will never fall into sexual immorality in Jesus’ name.
(568 words)


The Role Of Self Discipline In Your Sexual Life :Couples Companion Day 24

Main text: Prov.25:26-28

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.(Prov.25:28)

Self discipline in your sexual life is all about controlling yourself under sexual pressure. The scripture for our consideration above says that if you don’t have rule over your spirit, you are like a broken city without walls. When a city is without walls, it means that anyone/ anything may come in, since there is no gate to control movement. There is no how you will not experience situations in your marital life where you will be tempted to go off the marital sex boundary. In fact it is like there is a rule that says ‘thou shall be tempted’. Topmost on the list of issues that make many not to finish strong is the issue of sexual immorality. It is therefore imperative for any child of God who wants to finish strong to be personally disciplined in the area of sex.
Many have the feeling that once you are married, there should be no discussion about being personally disciplined in sexual matters, since your spouse will always be for you. However, such people may be wrong. Self discipline in sex matters will require you to:

Do without sex for some time even when your spouse is available.
This level of discipline is essential because there will be times that even though your spouse is available, he or she will not be able to satisfy you. For instance, if your husband or wife is ill or somehow not emotionally in position to be available for you sexually, you may easily fall for temptation from another member of the opposite sex, thereby jeopardizing your relationship with God and losing the trust of your spouse.

Be able to control yourself when sexually tempted.
There is simply no how you will not be sexually tempted. A considerable percentage of those you will be dealing with are members of the opposite sex. If you are male, you are going to deal with a lot of women that are lonely and are sex starved due to divorce, separation or several other problems. In the process of consoling or sympathizing with them, you might have gone into it before you realize it. If you are a woman, don’t think that you are immune from sexual immorality. At an unguarded moment, if you are not disciplined, you may fall into immorality before you know what is happening. There are also situations in which you may discover some traits which you would have appreciated in your husband in another man that will make you to secretly desire the man. There may also be someone who you were in relationship with before marriage that you suddenly come across: Such men must be kept at an arm’s length if you want to finish strong.

Self discipline is so important to you as a man or woman that lack of it will make you to jeopardize your home and your relationship with God and once it happens, you may never recover completely from it.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Do you feel that there are areas you need to pay attention to so that you won’t fall for temptation?
• What are the other reasons why you feel that one must be self disciplined in sexual matters?

Lord, help me to be self-disciplined in the area of sex, so that my body will be for my spouse only in Jesus’ name.


Avoiding Sexual Problems In Marriage (3) Learn Your Spouse Love Language: Couples Companion Day 23

Main text: SS.1:1-4

Memory: Song of Songs 2:2
As the lily among thorns,
so is my love among the daughters.

One of the best ways of arousing your partner sexually is by identifying his/her love language.
In an excellent book by Gary Chapman, Five Love Languages, he proposed that each adult responses to one or more of five basic love languages. The languages are:

* Receiving Gifts.
A woman whose basic love language is receiving gifts will feel excited receiving gift from her husband. Such gift signifies to her that the husband loves her and she may respond to such feeling by responding favorably to the husband’s sexual advances. The gift does not necessarily have to be expensive to be appreciated by someone whose love language is receiving gifts; something you brought just to show that while away, you were thinking about your spouse.

* Quality Time.
When the basic love language of your spouse is that of quality time, she appreciates you so much when you devote time to spend with her for instance watching the television or just discussing with each other, taking her out just for the fun of it or generally making yourself available. Such a wife will do anything including positive response to your sexual advances to reciprocate your demonstration of love.

* Words Of Affirmation
Words may be used to easily lift up the spirit of someone whose basic love language is that of words of affirmation. When such a wife just comes back from the hairdressers and you tell her how beautiful she looks with her new hairdo; you periodically tell her how much you love her; or you encourage her when obviously she is supposed to be condemned, you are setting up the highway to her heart. The resultant effect may be that she will be willing to please her husband especially in the area of sex.

* Acts Of Service.
When your wife is cooking and you are giving her a hand in getting the children ready for school or tidying up the living room, for a woman whose basic love language is acts of service, it is a demonstration of your love for her. You may be sure that when a woman is assured of your love for her, she will be ready to give you anything.

* Physical Touch.
There are those whose basic love language is that of physical touch. For such a spouse, your touch even just by holding hands, cuddling or even kissing is a message of love to her.

Your identification of the love language of your spouse may be used to arouse her interest in sex whenever there is need to do so. Consequently, instead of complaining about your spouse’s lack of response to your sexual moves, give yourself the task of identifying the love language of your spouse.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Have you identified each other’s love language?
• How successful have you been in using your spouse’s love language to improve your love life?

My Father and my God, grant me the wisdom and grace to have deep understanding of the nature of my spouse in Jesus’ name.


Avoiding Sexual Problems In Marriage (2): Couples Companion Day 22

* Give your spouse the deserved prime place.
Gain the understanding that the position of your home is only second to that of your relationship with God in importance. Even your children will leave to start their own homes and you will be left with your spouse. If you don’t nurture this relationship now, you will be lonely during old age.

* Identify something special in your spouse that makes him/her the best that you could have ever married.
Sometimes, your sex life may be dull because you have not identified something unique about your spouse which makes him or her the best that you could have ever married. A grateful heart to God for giving you the treasure in your spouse may continually prime your desire for him or her and give your love life the necessary impetus to continually soar to greater heights.

* Empathize with you spouse.
Seek to understand and help your spouse to overcome his/her sexual problems. Your spouse may have genuine reasons for avoiding sex. You may need to empathize with him or her to be able to overcome the problem. For instance, if your husband is not having sustainable erection and all you do is to make jest of him, you will only psychologically depress him the more, thereby complicating the problem. However, if you encourage him that it is only temporary and do whatever you can do to emotionally lift him up, then the problem may be easily overcome. Understanding and encouraging your spouse when there are sexual problems go a long way to solving such problems or at least making it manageable.

* Seek to satisfy your spouse sexually.
The sexual demand of individuals in marriage differs. Your determination to do whatever you can to satisfy the sexual needs of your spouse goes a long way in achieving marital stability.

* Pray.
God is the author of marriage, He can help you even in such matters. Whenever there is any problem in the home which appears to be beyond you, you should be able to go to God in prayer. Nothing is too small to pray to God about, neither is anything too irrelevant. If you are the one that is not satisfying your spouse, you may pray that God should give you the desire and strength to go the extra mile to satisfy him or her.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• If you are not having sexual issues in your home, don’t think that it may never happen. Some of the causes of the problem are not really intentional or mischievous; they are unplanned for. Look at the above list again and discuss how you may avoid them.
• If you are already experiencing it in your home and your spouse is the source, what are the steps you can take to assist your spouse get out of it?
• If the source is from you, are you hiding it or being insincere about it or are you bringing it out for discussion with your spouse, so that you may fight the battle together?

Father give me the wisdom to be proactive about sexual matters so that they don’t become real problems in my home.




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