MAIN TEXT: Pro. 25:28
MEMORY:
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls. (Prov.25:28)

Self discipline is the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses. When applied to your finances, it becomes your ability to control your spendings and minimize the influence of external factors in your spendings. Financial self discipline is so important in marriage because without it, you may bring untold hardship and embarrassment to your family through uncontrolled expenses.
Many people don’t really have a mind of their own. If your friends are buying a particular item, you should not get carried away because however attractive the item is, it may not really be needful for you. Apart from not being so, you may not be able to afford it without it affecting other useful goals in your family at that particular time. The purpose of advertisement for instance is to make you to buy the products being advertised. If you are not self disciplined, advertisement can make you to buy what you don’t really need thereby making other areas of vital need in your family to suffer. Also, if you are not self disciplined, those who are selling things on credit can make you to purchase things that will put your family in the bondage of debt. When someone tries to persuade you to buy things on credit and pay gradually, don’t make the mistake of thinking the person cares for you, the main concern of that person is to sell his or her goods. It is by the time the person starts demanding for payment that you will realize that buying on credit is like putting yourself in bondage. If you are financially disciplined, you will always remember the following;
• Even when you can afford something, you should really ask yourself if you need the item. If you need it, can you afford it? If you need it and you can’t afford it, then you need to sit down and plan for other alternatives you have to forgo to have it.
• You are not competing with anyone, you don’t really have to be in vogue if you can’t afford it. For instance, your children don’t have to attend the private school that your friend’s children are attending if you really can’t afford it. There are other good but less expensive ones for your children.
• Impulsive purchases can jeopardize your family budget. Don’t buy things unplanned for just because it is available or because others are buying it.
• Don’t be excited when you are offered a loan. It is not a gift as it has to be paid back and with interest too. Many families are in serious problems because of loans that should not have been taken in the first place.
• When paying back loan, discipline yourself to pay back as and when due. When you don’t, there are grave implications that will enslave you even the more.
• The latest fashion today will be stale tomorrow. The latest car today will be obsolete tomorrow and they are usually so expensive.
• Think of alternative options when things are expensive. In most cases, there are alternative options which will still serve the same purpose.
• If you are not self disciplined about spending, it is only a matter of time before you bring your family into a big problem.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
WHEN SOMEONE PERSUADES YOU TO BUY ON CREDIT AND PAY LATER, DON’T THINK THE PERSON CARES FOR YOU, HE ONLY WANTS TO COMMIT YOU TO DEBT. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

FAMILY FINANCE (2): MATTERS OF FINANCIAL NAKEDNESS.

MAIN TEXT: Gen.2:22- 25
MEMORY:
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Gen.2:25)

Financial nakedness refers to being open to each other about your finances. Severally, during question time after marriage talks, the question of a joint purse for husband and wife comes up. The way that individuals look at the issue of common purse in which both husband and wife keep the same account differs. Some are vehemently against it, while there are many who though they believe it is good, find it difficult to effect. Only very few actually practice it.
One important thing to note is that financial nakedness is not just about joint account but about being open to each other in our earnings and spendings. There are several reasons why financial nakedness is important in marriage;
• It strengthens your unity. Financial nakedness makes you to depend on each other for decision making and anything that makes you to depend on each other strengthens your unity as a couple.
• It reduces suspicion
• It makes planning easy
• It creates room for quality decisions.
• It makes it difficult for you to deviate into things that will create problems for your family in the future.



Obviously, financial nakedness is good for marriage but there are several factors that work against it:
• When the level of trust is low. It is difficult to open up to your spouse when there is low level of trust.
• When you don’t keep friends who support such idea. If your friend does not believe in being naked to his spouse, he is not likely to appreciate your being naked to your spouse. Your beliefs about marriage should be one of the factors that determine the friends you keep.
• When either of you has hidden items of expenditure. When you have items which you secretly spend on, it is impossible to be open to your spouse. It must be recognized that there is very likely to be some areas of spending which will be exclusive to your spouse. You should allow him or her that privacy while it is also replicated in your own life. When you do that, the tendency to hide will be reduced drastically.
• When you have not really bonded as a couple.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.(Gen.2:24)
The scripture talks about being joined to one’s spouse above. Such bonding makes it easy for two individuals in marriage to become one, which makes nakedness inevitable.
• When you are into immorality.
• When you are not ready to allow some level of exclusive area of spending for your spouse.
• When the fact that your spouse is the most important person in your life has not really dawned on you.
• When you have not really disclosed who you are to your spouse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• In which areas of your finances are you finding it difficult to be naked to each other?
• Why do you think it is happening?

PRAYER
Father, help me remove all obstacles that prevent me from being open to my spouse about my finances in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE OPEN TO EACH OTHER ABOUT YOUR FINANCES, IT WILL SAVE YOU FROM WASTAGE AND OTHER FINANCIAL ERRORS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Prov.27:20-22
MEMORY:
Hell and destruction are never full;
so the eyes of man are never satisfied. (Prov.27:20)

On a normal day, no family has got enough financial resources.
When you get married, you will discover that however much you are both earning, it is not enough for all that you may want to do. Even in situations where your parents are wealthy or providence smiles on you and you come into the possession of a lot of money, you will still discover that it is not everything that you may want to do that you will be able to do because there will be financial limitations somehow. You should not be surprised; you are not alone in it. It appears that the first fundamental principles of economics are also at work even in your new home. We are told that the wants of every human being far outweigh their resources. Due to this, you have to choose based on the scarce resources available to you, so that you may end up using your resources wisely. In doing this, there is opportunity cost, which is the alternative that you have to forgo, in making your choice.
In a lot of cases, the issue of scarce resources causes a lot of problems in a home where there is no understanding about the fact that the problem is not unique to them.
Many get it wrong by making the most attractive choices, but you will get to know that in marriage, it is not about the most attractive choices but the most useful choices.
Two major reasons why making the right financial choice is of vital importance in marriage.

The future well-being of your family depends on it.
Making the right financial choices has a definite effect on the future wellbeing of your family. For instance, if you make financial choices that does not allow you to give your children the right kind of education that you are supposed to give them, it will affect all of you in the future. If for instance, as a man, you decide to be a playboy even when you are married and you are spending your resources on pleasure while your mates are raising their families and building or buying their own homes, by the time you realize that you got it wrong, it may be too late as you may find yourself struggling to do things that your mates have achieved earlier.


It helps you to avoid financial embarrassment.
There are times that advertisement or the lifestyle of others may lure you into making financial choices that make you to be indebted for a prolonged period of time. When the percentage of your income spent on servicing loan is too high for comfort, it leads to financial difficulties and embarrassment for the family.

Making the right financial decisions in view of limited resources is of vital importance in a family because the effect of wrong choices will not be on you alone but definitely on your spouse and the children.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Are there choices we are making now that are though attractive are not the appropriate ones for us at this stage of our marriage?
• Do we consult each other before making significant financial decisions?

PRAYER
May we always be able to make the right financial decisions in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS MAKING THE MOST ATTRACTIVE BUT NOT APPROPRIATE FINANCIAL CHOICES, YOU WILL SOON RUN YOUR FAMILY INTO FINANCIAL EMBARRASSMENT. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Matt.7:7-10
MEMORY:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: .(Matt.7:7)

There are no circumstances that are beyond the power of prayer. However difficult the situation is, don’t lose the confidence to pray.
Some of the reasons why you must pray are:

Marriage is God’s idea, so commit to His hands.
There is the place of the will of God in everything that happens in marriage. So, when there is a challenge, you must pray to know His will concerning which steps to take.
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: (Eph.1:11)

God Hates Divorce.
Permanence is the nature of marriage in God’s plan. He hates divorce. Consequently, when you are experiencing difficulties in marriage, there is need for you to go to God because He is not interested in divorce.(Mal.2:16)
* You need to shield your home from the devices of the devil.
The devil never wants your home to succeed; he is out to destroy. Often the issues causing problem in homes are spiritual in nature which you can only fight successfully spiritually.(2Cor.2:11)

* You don’t really know all the details of your background and that of your spouse.
There are times when the struggles you are experiencing in your home is really an inherited curse. However much you may know your spouse, you may not really know the full details of that family.(Ez.18:2) There may be details you are ignorant of, which may be causing havoc in your home. If you pray that the Holy Spirit should open your spiritual eyes so that you may learn details you are not aware of which may be causing havoc in your home, you may be surprised about what God may show to you.
Other reasons why you must pray are as follows:

– For with God nothing shall be impossible.(Lk.1:37)
– The offensive behavior of your spouse may not really be his fault.
– The ministry of the devil is to steal, kill and destroy.
– It is not over until it is over. In other words, as long as you are still alive, God can do something about the situation.
– Instability in your home will hinder your prayers.(1Pet.3:7)

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* To what level are we dependent on the efficacy of prayers during difficult situations in this home?
* How is our relationship with God who can do all things?

PRAYER
Father, once again we submit this home into your hands; fight our battles for us in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE NO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THE POWER OF PRAYER IN ANY MARRIAGE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Jam.1:5-8
MEMORY:
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..(Jam.1:5)

Causes of Personality Disorders.
There are two main causes of personality disorders; genetic and environmental factors.
Personality traits may be passed to you by your parents through inherited genes. These traits are sometimes called your temperament.
Also, people who are raised in dysfunctional homes during their early life are prone to develop personality disorders later in life. For instance, an only child who lacked constructive criticism while growing up or was raised in an environment of excessive attention and praise may develop narcissistic personality disorder.
If you have been noticing consistent excessive behavior in your spouse, the following are suggested:
* Get more knowledge about personality disorders to know the category which he or she belongs to.
* With more knowledge, you may prayerfully approach the matter by letting your spouse know what you have learnt about personality disorders and how it affects him or her. However, usually because of biases, it may be better to seek medical help for accurate diagnosis.
* If it is still at the mild stage, the two of you may agree on the course of action to be taken which may include self awareness and self control. You may also assist by reminding him or her whenever the tendency comes towards display. However, please note that it may be safer to seek medical help for treatment.
* Seek help if the situation has gone beyond the mild level because in some cases, the person may become violent which may cause self injury or injury to others.
* At every stage, ask for the wisdom of God because you require it to be able to take the right step at the right time.

As a conclusion, personality disorder as a mental disorder may cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage if not diagnosed early or is not treated. If not treated it becomes worse with the passage of time. Things become really difficult if the affected person is uncooperative.
As a believer, however, there is absolutely nothing that God cannot handle. Even when you suspect or discover personality disorder in your spouse, you neither need to panic nor take extreme steps which may prematurely destroy your home. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit because there is the will of God in every situation which you may always seek. Except God tells you not to seek medical attention, you may need to do so to prevent the situation from getting worse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Personally Disorder is a very delicate matter to discuss even when you notice it in your spouse, there is need for wisdom. Find a way of following the above steps together.

PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
LET YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD BE A GENUINE ONE, WHEN YOU RAISE YOUR CHILD WRONGLY, HE BECOMES A PROBLEM FOR THE FUTURE SPOUSE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi