The first building that we ever built was our first residence. It was to be a four bedroom bungalow. When the documents of the land was brought, the title read ‘Mr. & Mrs. Michael Adeleke Oluniyi,’ it became a big problem. My wife wanted to know why her name was not clearly written on it, and on my own part, I was wondering if she was suspecting me of any foul play. It became a real issue which we were able to resolve later by writing out the names individually. However, problems like this have been known to destroy the home of many proprietors who are not selfless enough to empathize with their spouse and compromise where necessary to maintain peace at home. The truth is that the stability of your home is so important that it is even more important than the school itself. When I look back at the above and realize that the building is now just the administrative block for our school, I pity those who allow matters arising from the school to break their home. Such proprietors are like a child who threw away a bag of money just for a few sweets or biscuits.
Some of the challenges emanating from the school that often threaten the proprietor’s home are:
THE CHALLENGE OF THE MANAGEMENT OF SUCCESS.
Many proprietors find it difficult to manage success in the school along with their marriage. As a woman whom God has blessed her school, you may gradually become arrogant and unmanageable at home. You may for instance not see any reason why you should submit to your husband any longer. Even to cook and serve your husband may become a big task that you delegate to maids or your grown up children. If you are a man, when success comes, you may look at your wife that she is not good enough to actually be your wife. Your home becomes a battle ground because your school has grown. Should we now blame God for blessing you? Please note that whatever success you achieve at the expense of your home is not good success. When any matter from your school is competing with the peace of your home, it is better you resolve it in favour of your home because what you, your spouse and children will eventually lose if that home breaks will be more than the success you may achieve in the school.
THE CHALLENGE OF THE MANAGEMENT OF CRISES.
Another challenge that affects the home of many proprietors is that of management of crises. There are so many issues in the school that place many proprietors under stress. If you bring the challenges in the school back home, you may create problems at home. For instance as a woman it may so much affect you that you may not be useful for your husband in the ‘other room’. As a man too, you may start reacting to your spouse in a way that will make your home to become a hell on earth for your family.
THE CHALLENGE OF ALTERNATIVE ATTRACTION.
The challenge of alternative attraction is the problem that comes when you are enjoying part of what you are supposed to be enjoying with your spouse from another member of the opposite sex. What you are enjoying in your alternative attraction may be food, quality time, money or intimacy. As a male proprietor, probably about 70% of your staff are female, some of whom may be craving your attention for various reasons ranging from loneliness, to the desire for favour. You may also discover that one of them is so efficient at her work that you start getting interested in her, making you to think that she would have been better as your wife. Some proprietors on the other hand are just the playboy type. They like sleeping around with their staff, not knowing that doing that may be putting a limit on the school.
As a female proprietor too, there may be a man somewhere that assisted you by providing money or other forms of assistance when you needed it most. Especially when the help is consistent, emotional affairs may develop between you and such a man which may ultimately lead to full blown adultery.
One basic fact which you must know is that once there is an alternative attraction, your spouse becomes less attractive to you. You will start seeing faults that you were not previously seeing in your spouse, and problems will gradually creep in which if care is not taken may effectively destroy your home.
THE CHALLENGE OF JOINT OWNERSHIP OF VISION.
Sometimes, the area of challenge is ownership of the vision. As the school is growing, you are drumming it into the ears of your spouse that the vision belongs to you. You might have forgotten that you and your spouse are actually one. In such a situation, your spouse withdraws the support which he or she has been giving to you since you are the owner of the vision. From my experience in the school management, you need the input of your spouse in the success of your school. God in His wisdom has gifted us differently. Consequently, you will need your spouse in the area of your own weakness.
THE CHALLENGE OF NAKEDNESS
In many homes, it is the problem of transparency. You are hiding what you have from your spouse. There are many women that will buy land and build without the knowledge of their husband. By the time he discovers, it becomes a big problem which makes the husband to find it difficult to trust her again. In such a situation, he makes the home to become uncomfortable for his wife and the problem multiplies from that point. Even if you are the breadwinner of the home, never forget that God might have been blessing you to perform those roles because your husband is unemployed. In case your husband is the type that is not accountable with money, you may need to pray for wisdom to handle the situation. You don’t really need to allow your marriage to collapse because of any of such problems.
THE CHALLENGE OF THE ACCEPTANCE OF SPOUSE’S IMPERFECTION.
Every human being, including you, has an imperfection or weakness. If you can’t accept the imperfection of your spouse, you will find it difficult to manage a home. As a male proprietor, you should not start resenting your spouse because she can’t teach in your school. Don’t start telling her that she is good for nothing. If she is uneducated, don’t forget that it did not just start now, she was like that when you proposed to her in those days. The fact that you have advanced in your education might have been as a result of her sacrifice to keep the home going while you improved yourself academically. Ditto for the female proprietor, don’t start comparing your husband with another man somewhere. You are just privileged to be the proprietor of a school.
THE CHALLENGE OF VISITING THE FRUSTRATIONS FROM THE SCHOOL ON YOUR SPOUSE.
Often, the proprietor makes his or her home unbearable for other members of the family by visiting the frustrations from school on everyone. Learn to leave those frustrations in the school and put up a smiling face at home because you are not the only one experiencing those frustrations!
The above seven challenges are some of the most prominent ones that may affect the relationship between the proprietor and his or her spouse. The major mindset that will help you to ensure that you don’t sacrifice your marital relationship for the school is for you to place the right value on the two. Your home comes first before the school. Let me close by counseling you to be wise to keep your home while your school succeeds. May you have the grace to achieve it in Jesus name.
(Culled from LESSONS IN SCHOOL PROPRIETORSHIP by Dr. Mike Oluniyi)