Main text: 1Cor.7:3-5

Memory: 1Cor.7:5
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

* The Need To Stay ‘Pure’ During Fasting etc.
As much as it is needful to fast and pray, the need to carry your spouse along can also not be overemphasized.

* Non-readiness for foreplay.
Many men lack the tenderness or the patience to initiate romance that a woman requires to be turned on for sex.
* Punishment, With Confidence That Nothing Could Happen.
Never forget that your spouse may become more vulnerable to temptations if sufficiently or consistently denied sexual fulfillment at home.

* Impotence Or Erectile Dysfunction.
Impotence or Erectile Dysfunction ED is the inability on the part of a man to achieve or sustain an erection for a satisfactory sexual activity. It becomes more common as you get older but it is not a natural part of aging. ED is treatable but has serious effect on the ego of a man and it may grow worse if the wife does not handle such situation with understanding and encouragement.

* High Incidence Of Absence From Home Due To Career Demands.
Frequent or prolonged absence from home as a result of career demands also results in lack of sexual fulfillment for many spouses.

* Inability Or Unreadiness To Forgive.
Without been intentional, inability to forgive partners of offenses may also greatly contribute to sexual problems in the home.

* Life-Altering Trauma.
A woman that was raped or sexually abused when she was young may keep reliving that experience and may even be seeing her husband as someone who may also assault her. A woman who had a life-threatening or disfiguring health challenge such as mastectomy after breast cancer, though the operation was successful, may feel disconnected from sexuality.

* Painful Intercourse.
There are some women who experience pains during sexual intercourse as a result of a medical condition called virginismus. Also, lack of desire may prevent the lubrication of the private parts of the woman which may make sexual intercourse painful for her.

* Other Medical Issues.
Low hormone levels, blood flow problems, depression or medication side effects may lead to erectile dysfunction ED in men and low sexual desire in women. A lot of the drugs you use, unknown to you, have side effects which may negatively impact your sexual capability.

* Faulty Perception Of The Opposite Sex.
A woman who grew up in a family where her mother was badly treated may grow up with the impression that men are generally wicked, consequently affecting her desire for sex.

* Bringing Workplace Challenges To The Bedroom.
When you come home greatly bothered about the challenges experienced at your place of work, you may not feel like initiating romance and even when it is initiated by your spouse, it may be met by rebuff from you.

* Loss Of The First Love.
Sex is an emotional matter for a woman. When she has been emotionally wounded by her husband, it may be difficult for her to respond to her husband’s sexual advances.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• With a careful look at your relationship with your spouse, discuss the factors that have been responsible for poor response to sex from you in the past.
• Did you bother to let your spouse know your feelings?
• In what ways do you think that your spouse may help you towards the reduction or elimination of such problems?
• Is there any challenge you are having with sex which you have not discussed with your spouse?

PRAYER
I come against every obstacle against sexual fulfillment in my marriage in Jesus’ name.
(644 words)

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IT IS USUALLY COVETOUSNESS THAT MAKES YOU TO SEE GREENER PASTURES OUTSIDE YOUR HOME. WAIT AND WET YOUR BROWN PASTURE; IT WILL SOON BECOME GREEN. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Main text: Proverbs 5:15-19

Memory: Proverbs 5:15
Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
and running waters out of thine own well.

EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS
Emotional affair is a non-sexual extramarital affair. It does not appear harmful at the beginning but has been known to wreck a lot of havoc on homes. It starts casually, usually without the intention to go deep. As a pastor for instance, you have a secretary that is so efficient in the assignments given to her, a beautiful choir leader that sings so melodiously, or perhaps a married woman that is so fervent for God and leads the intercessory group in such an inspiring way. Definitely, all the areas the above people hold are vital parts of a functional ministry, so, nobody will blame you for being interested in those departments. Actually, you mean no harm neither are you interested in starting a relationship, but you just appreciate the way the person is handling the department. Sometimes too, it may not really be in the church. It may be a neighbor that you just admire the way she greets, a divorcee or widower who appears so vulnerable and appears to need your help. However, you need to watch out, when the following start happening:
– You start sharing personal thoughts or stories about your family and ministry with him or her.
– You feel a greater emotional intimacy with him or her than your spouse.
– You feel so concerned when it appears as if his or her spouse has offended him or her.
– You start comparing him or her to your spouse by listing where your wife don’t measure up.
– You long for, and look forward to your next contact or conversation.
– You start changing your normal routine or duties to spend more time with him or her.
– You feel the need to keep conversation with him or her secret from your spouse.
– You fantasize about spending time with, getting to know or sharing life with her.
– You fantasize about how great your business or ministry would be with him or her rather than with your spouse.
– You spend significant time alone with him or her.

When you notice one or more of the above, you have unknowingly slipped into emotional affairs.

Following are some of the causes of emotional affairs:
– Lust
– Carelessness
– Perceived deficiency in your marriage
– Lack of communication with your spouse
– Unresolved conflicts at home
– Desire for adventure

Emotional affairs is not actually adultery, since you have not started having sexual intercourse with the person. The truth however is that emotional affairs often go beyond boundaries as there is a very thin line between it and full blown adulterous relationship, avoid it!

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Is there any individual which your husband or wife relates with that you feel may lead to emotional affairs?

PRAYER
May I be wise enough to know when a casual relationship is slipping into emotional affair and possess the personal discipline required to stop it in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
TAKE A CAREFUL LOOK AT YOUR WIFE AND YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THAT OTHER WOMAN THAT HAS NOT BEEN PACKAGED INTO HER. THEREFORE, GO BACK HOME! – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text. Eccl.9:8-10

Memory:
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity…(Eccl.9:9)

Sexual problems range from low interest or inability to satisfy partner, to complete sex denial. There is a whole range of causes of sexual problems in marriage. The first range of causes we are going to look at today comes under alternative attraction.

When there is an opposite sex that fulfills a part of the roles of your spouse by imagination or by reality, then that person constitutes an alternative attraction to your spouse. Alternative attraction constitutes real danger to sexual fulfillment and hence the overall success of your marriage. This is mainly because if you have already derived the pleasure which is supposed to be provided by your spouse from an alternative source, your need for your spouse is reduced significantly.

In my book, Twelve Laws For Successful Marriage, the law of deadly alternative states that:
Once there is an alternative attraction, your spouse becomes less attractive.
The first form of alternative attraction which may cause problems for the sex life of your marriage is adultery:

ADULTERY
If you are involved in an adulterous relationship, you will soon discover that your demand for sex from your spouse or the pleasure you derive from sexual intimacy with your spouse will reduce drastically. Initially, if you were demanding for sex thrice in a week, you may be able to ask for it twice and pretend that you are tired for the rest of the week but a time will gradually come that you will start seeing faults in your wife that may not even make you to demand for it for even once in a week. A time will come when your mate in adultery may satisfy you so well that you will throw caution to the winds and even stay overnight with him or her and fabricate lies to make up for it. At this stage your extra-marital relationship might have also gradually opened your eyes to ‘deficiencies’ in your spouse that had always been there, but now seemed to be more pronounced because of the alternative attraction you have in the other woman or man. Those exposed deficiencies (which are often imaginary) will gradually make you lose appetite for sex with your spouse completely.
Apart from the fact that once you get involved, it reduces your desire towards your spouse, God specifically warned us against adultery severally in the scriptures. One of such scriptures is Prov.6:32-33
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.

Adultery has the potential to destroy both your marriage and your relationship with God. Avoid it by all means!

PRAYER
My father, shift my attention from any other person distracting my attention from my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

ANY PERSON WHO SHIFTS YOUR DESIRE AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE MAY APPEAR TO BE A DEAR FRIEND, BUT IS REALLY AN ENEMY IN DISGUISE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text. Prov.5:15-19

Memory:
Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe;
let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love. (Prov.5:18-19)

Apart from helping relationships to be intimate, active sex life can provide for a longer, healthier and more enjoyable life. The following are some of the health benefits of regular sex in your marriage as adapted from articles.mercola.com.

* Improves Heart Health.
Couples who have sexual intercourse regularly (twice weekly) are 45 percent less likely to develop heart disease than those who did so once a month or less according to a study. Sexual intercourse is also linked with better stress response and lower blood pressure.
* Eases Stress.
During sexual intercourse, your body is triggered to produce feel-good chemicals, helping to ease stress and boost pleasure, calm and self-esteem. Research also shows that those who have sexual intercourse responded better when subjected to stressful situations.
After a stressful day, if you are met with a romantic husband or wife who lures you to bed for an exciting sexual adventure or responds to your sexual moves in a loving way, the effect of stress on your health will be less damaging than if you were met with an indifferent spouse.

* Improves Sleep.
After sexual activity, the relaxation-inducing hormone, prolactin is released, which may help you nod off more quickly. The ‘love hormone’ oxytocin, released during orgasm, also promotes sleep. That is why you may not need any other sedative towards sound sleep after a satisfying sexual round with your spouse.

* Boosts Your Immune System.
It has been observed that people with active sex life are less prone to diseases than people with negligible sex life.

* Improves Mental Health.
There are evidences that healthy sexual life in marriage also affects mental health of the couple. It has been discovered that sexual frequency and satisfaction is directly linked with the mental health and well-being of partners in marriage.

* Helps Weight Control.
Sex is really a great form of exercise. It burns an average of 5 calories per minute, making it a significant form of exercise. It can help you maintain your flexibility and balance.

* Can Help Relief Pain.
Sexual activity releases pain-reducing hormones and has been found to help reduce or eliminate back and leg pain for menstrual cramps.

* Can Help Women With Bladder Control And Men With Prostrate.
Sexual intercourse helps strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which contract during orgasm. This can help women to improve their bladder control and avoid incontinence. Research has also shown that men who are sexually active have a lower risk of prostrate cancer.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• How well do you sleep after a satisfying sexual encounter? (Physical health)
• How easily annoyed are you when you are having issues with your spouse on sex? (Emotional health)
• How focused and articulate are you when you are having sexual issues with your spouse? (Psychological health)

PRAYER
Father and my God, help me that sexual intercourse will be a source of pleasure for us in my home in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

ILLUSTRATION
MARITAL SEX GOES BEYOND CHILDMAKING AND PLEASURE; IT IS A TONIC WHICH ENHANCES YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text:SS.2:1-6

Memory:

His left hand is under my head,

and his right hand doth embrace me. (SS.2:6)

Yesterday, we started our discussion on matters arising from sex in marriage by looking at some basic truths regarding your sex life. Today we shall continue by looking further at more basic truths which you must always be mindful of.

Satisfying Sex Life Is One Major Index Of Healthy Marriage.

When the sex life of a couple is satisfactory, they are likely to be best of friends. A man that is sexually starved is very likely to overreact to situations that are connected with his wife, while a woman with an unsatisfying sexual life is usually very difficult to satisfy in any other way.

Sex With Your Spouse Is Not An Unclean Exercise, It Is God’s Idea.(Heb.13:4)

Sex within marriage is wholesome and scriptural. It is only when done outside marriage that sex becomes unclean and a sin that will have negative effect on your spiritual growth, stagnate or even destroy your ministry.

If You Don’t Handle The Issue Of Sex Appropriately In Your Home, You May Not Be Able To Counsel Other Couples Appropriately..

As you mature in marriage, you will often need to handle situations in which there will be need to talk to couples frankly about sex. If it is not carefully handled, you may end up creating unnecessary problems for those homes that you counsel. It is from the depth of your own experience in marriage that you are very likely to teach others.

Sex Outside Your Marriage Can Destroy Your Future And Prevent You From Finishing Strong.

Extramarital sex, for whatever reason, is like a poison which will appear pleasurable initially but will most certainly destroy your future in God. Every married man and woman must know that temptations will come especially as you become more and more successful in life.

If you want to be greatly used by God, you must realize that He is passionately against sexual immorality: (1Cor.6:18-19)

God May Choose To Teach You Vital Lessons Through Sex Challenges.

Often, periods of challenges with your spouse over sex may be used by God to point you to some valuable lessons for your journey in life and ministry.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Discuss with your spouse the effect of satisfying sex life on quick resolution of conflicts.

• Do you agree that a satisfying sex life is an index of a happy home?

• Discuss with each other how you feel when denied of sex.

Prayer Point

Father help me to be desirous of satisfying my spouse in all areas of our marital life.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE BLESSES YOUR LIFE BUT WITH AN OUTSIDER BRINGS A CURSE THAT MAY JEOPARDIZE YOUR FUTURE, INCLUDING YOUR ETERNITY.

Mike Oluniyi.