Text. Eccl.9:8-10

Memory:
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity…(Eccl.9:9)

Sexual problems range from low interest or inability to satisfy partner, to complete sex denial. There is a whole range of causes of sexual problems in marriage. The first range of causes we are going to look at today comes under alternative attraction.

When there is an opposite sex that fulfills a part of the roles of your spouse by imagination or by reality, then that person constitutes an alternative attraction to your spouse. Alternative attraction constitutes real danger to sexual fulfillment and hence the overall success of your marriage. This is mainly because if you have already derived the pleasure which is supposed to be provided by your spouse from an alternative source, your need for your spouse is reduced significantly.

In my book, Twelve Laws For Successful Marriage, the law of deadly alternative states that:
Once there is an alternative attraction, your spouse becomes less attractive.
The first form of alternative attraction which may cause problems for the sex life of your marriage is adultery:

ADULTERY
If you are involved in an adulterous relationship, you will soon discover that your demand for sex from your spouse or the pleasure you derive from sexual intimacy with your spouse will reduce drastically. Initially, if you were demanding for sex thrice in a week, you may be able to ask for it twice and pretend that you are tired for the rest of the week but a time will gradually come that you will start seeing faults in your wife that may not even make you to demand for it for even once in a week. A time will come when your mate in adultery may satisfy you so well that you will throw caution to the winds and even stay overnight with him or her and fabricate lies to make up for it. At this stage your extra-marital relationship might have also gradually opened your eyes to ‘deficiencies’ in your spouse that had always been there, but now seemed to be more pronounced because of the alternative attraction you have in the other woman or man. Those exposed deficiencies (which are often imaginary) will gradually make you lose appetite for sex with your spouse completely.
Apart from the fact that once you get involved, it reduces your desire towards your spouse, God specifically warned us against adultery severally in the scriptures. One of such scriptures is Prov.6:32-33
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.

Adultery has the potential to destroy both your marriage and your relationship with God. Avoid it by all means!

PRAYER
My father, shift my attention from any other person distracting my attention from my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

ANY PERSON WHO SHIFTS YOUR DESIRE AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE MAY APPEAR TO BE A DEAR FRIEND, BUT IS REALLY AN ENEMY IN DISGUISE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

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