Marital Conflicts Can Degenerate (3): Couples Companion Day 33

Pride/ Inability To Apologize
In marital conflict, pride make matters to degenerate. The wife may insist that the husband must apologize to her. The husband on the other hand may feel that since the Bible says that he is the head of the home, the wife must bow in all situations. Though there are cases where the wife is the culprit in the issue of pride, men are more guilty of it.
One of the easiest things to do for someone whose home is dear to is tendering apology. In fact, you must be ready to apologize even when you are right. Pride and the inability to apologize will only make conflicts to degenerate in your home if you don’t overcome them. There are also many who will neither apologize nor accept apology from their spouse.

Involving Third Party
Matters are better settled between couples without the third party. However close the person you have reported is to you, he or she does not understand the issues in your home to the level which you and your spouse understand it.
Another reason why a third party may make matters to degenerate is that most people when advising others have a stereotyped model of how things should be which is based on their own personal experiences. We often forget that no two couples are the same. The circumstances surrounding your home are quite different from the couple next door.
The only exception is probably your experienced pastor who may use the word of God to guide you, an experienced Christian couple or marriage counsellor who because of experience and extensive learning in the area of marriage is able to guide you towards the solution which will still be within your scope as a couple. It should always only be the last resort.

One of the most common negative conflict management strategies is denial. This is a situation in which due to the conflict between you and your spouse, you deny him or her what should naturally be available. One of the most common areas of denial is sex. Women especially believe that one of the most potent instruments they have is sex denial. Men also may deny their spouse of finance when they are in conflict. Denial is a negative marital conflict management strategy because it may lead to other problems.

Other sources of conflict degeneration include:

Time heals most wound. There are a lot of conflicts that mellow down with passage of time.

Violence in terms of hash words and physical abuse is also another negative conflict management strategy.

In conclusion, conflict has the tendency to degenerate if you use any of the above negative strategies above to manage your misunderstandings. Whenever you refuse the Holy Spirit to help you put your home above your own personal considerations, you are likely to make conflict to degenerate.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
*Have you identified the factor that makes conflict to degenerate from one level to the other in your home?

Lord I receive grace to be wise to prevent conflicts from degenerating in my home.


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