MAIN TEXT: Matt.7:7-10
MEMORY:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: .(Matt.7:7)

There are no circumstances that are beyond the power of prayer. However difficult the situation is, don’t lose the confidence to pray.
Some of the reasons why you must pray are:

Marriage is God’s idea, so commit to His hands.
There is the place of the will of God in everything that happens in marriage. So, when there is a challenge, you must pray to know His will concerning which steps to take.
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: (Eph.1:11)

God Hates Divorce.
Permanence is the nature of marriage in God’s plan. He hates divorce. Consequently, when you are experiencing difficulties in marriage, there is need for you to go to God because He is not interested in divorce.(Mal.2:16)
* You need to shield your home from the devices of the devil.
The devil never wants your home to succeed; he is out to destroy. Often the issues causing problem in homes are spiritual in nature which you can only fight successfully spiritually.(2Cor.2:11)

* You don’t really know all the details of your background and that of your spouse.
There are times when the struggles you are experiencing in your home is really an inherited curse. However much you may know your spouse, you may not really know the full details of that family.(Ez.18:2) There may be details you are ignorant of, which may be causing havoc in your home. If you pray that the Holy Spirit should open your spiritual eyes so that you may learn details you are not aware of which may be causing havoc in your home, you may be surprised about what God may show to you.
Other reasons why you must pray are as follows:

– For with God nothing shall be impossible.(Lk.1:37)
– The offensive behavior of your spouse may not really be his fault.
– The ministry of the devil is to steal, kill and destroy.
– It is not over until it is over. In other words, as long as you are still alive, God can do something about the situation.
– Instability in your home will hinder your prayers.(1Pet.3:7)

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* To what level are we dependent on the efficacy of prayers during difficult situations in this home?
* How is our relationship with God who can do all things?

PRAYER
Father, once again we submit this home into your hands; fight our battles for us in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE NO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THE POWER OF PRAYER IN ANY MARRIAGE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Jam.1:5-8
MEMORY:
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..(Jam.1:5)

Causes of Personality Disorders.
There are two main causes of personality disorders; genetic and environmental factors.
Personality traits may be passed to you by your parents through inherited genes. These traits are sometimes called your temperament.
Also, people who are raised in dysfunctional homes during their early life are prone to develop personality disorders later in life. For instance, an only child who lacked constructive criticism while growing up or was raised in an environment of excessive attention and praise may develop narcissistic personality disorder.
If you have been noticing consistent excessive behavior in your spouse, the following are suggested:
* Get more knowledge about personality disorders to know the category which he or she belongs to.
* With more knowledge, you may prayerfully approach the matter by letting your spouse know what you have learnt about personality disorders and how it affects him or her. However, usually because of biases, it may be better to seek medical help for accurate diagnosis.
* If it is still at the mild stage, the two of you may agree on the course of action to be taken which may include self awareness and self control. You may also assist by reminding him or her whenever the tendency comes towards display. However, please note that it may be safer to seek medical help for treatment.
* Seek help if the situation has gone beyond the mild level because in some cases, the person may become violent which may cause self injury or injury to others.
* At every stage, ask for the wisdom of God because you require it to be able to take the right step at the right time.

As a conclusion, personality disorder as a mental disorder may cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage if not diagnosed early or is not treated. If not treated it becomes worse with the passage of time. Things become really difficult if the affected person is uncooperative.
As a believer, however, there is absolutely nothing that God cannot handle. Even when you suspect or discover personality disorder in your spouse, you neither need to panic nor take extreme steps which may prematurely destroy your home. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit because there is the will of God in every situation which you may always seek. Except God tells you not to seek medical attention, you may need to do so to prevent the situation from getting worse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Personally Disorder is a very delicate matter to discuss even when you notice it in your spouse, there is need for wisdom. Find a way of following the above steps together.

PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
LET YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD BE A GENUINE ONE, WHEN YOU RAISE YOUR CHILD WRONGLY, HE BECOMES A PROBLEM FOR THE FUTURE SPOUSE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Prov.1:20-22.
MEMORY:
Wisdom calls aloud outside;
She raises her voice in the open squares.(Prov.1:20)

There are some difficult marriages in which you really have to honestly observe yourself and spouse and try to determine whether either of you is having a personality disorder. If you discover that you have such problem, it may be better for you to face it and seek medical help.
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A husband or wife with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This can cause a host of problems in the home which the spouse will need special skills to cope with. Personality disorder will make the one suffering from it to do some extreme things including violence behaviors. Such behaviors can destroy lives if left undiagnosed and treated.
In many cases you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you. Consequently, instead of finding solution or seeking ways of managing the situation, you may be blaming others including your spouse as the cause of your challenges.


Following is a brief mention of the various forms of personality disorders.

Paranoid Personality Disorder.
Someone with paranoid personality disorder suspects that everyone including the spouse is out to mistreat them. Such a person will not trust the spouse at all.

Schizoid Personality Disorder.
Patients who have this disorder tend to avoid social interactions. Such a husband or wife likes to be left alone, is cold or indifferent to others and does not enjoy activities with others, including sex with the spouse.

Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Patients with antisocial disorder have no regard for the rights and feelings of others. Such a person will not mind doing things that will offend spouse.

Borderline Personality Disorder.
This disorder often leads to unstable emotions and mood swings which may lead to suicidal tendencies. A spouse that is suffering from such disorder may frequently threaten to commit suicide for no serious reasons.

Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Histrionic Personality behavior in a bid to draw attention may act in an overly dramatic or emotional way. Such spouse whether male or female wants constant attention and is easily influenced by others because of the desire for the approval of others.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This disorder causes patients to have exaggerated view of themselves or their importance often leading to arrogance. Such a wife or husband will feel that you should believe that you are privileged to have been married to him or her.

Avoidant Personality Disorder.
If your spouse is extremely shy and harbors consistent feeling of inadequacy, hesitant to confront others about their problem or experiences, and finds it difficult to express his or her feelings, it may be as a result of avoidant personality disorder.

Dependent Personality Disorder.
Those who have this personality disorder are extremely dependent on others. They find it difficult to function without the aid or encouragement of others. Such spouse will find it difficult to decide on any matter without your approval.

Obsessive- Compulsive Personality Disorder.
This disorder is characterized by a compulsion to engage in repetitive behaviors and thought patterns. If your spouse is suffering from it, she is likely to be rigid and stubborn.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Is there anything in my behavior that needs to be closely examined as a result of the above discussion?


PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS SEEING FAULTS IN EVERY OTHER PERSON, YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO LOOK INWARDS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Rom.4:18:22
MEMORY:
Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.(Rom.4:18)

There are situations in difficult marriage that can make you to take steps that may become a source of eternal regrets later. Some of those steps which you must never contemplate are discussed below:

Never Plan To Terminate Life.
There are cases where life is terminated out of frustrations that come with the diverse situations in a difficult home. You must never contemplate terminating either your own life or that of your spouse. Either by poisoning, hired killers or by deliberately allowing situations such as arranged accidents, you must not allow yourself to be used to terminate any life.

Never Think Of Retaliation.
One of the major reasons why you must not contemplate retaliation is that what your spouse is doing to offend you may not be his fault. It may be as a result of a personality disorder over which he doesn’t really have control. When you retaliate, you are most of he time making matters worse. Also, when you retaliate, you run the risk of offending God.(Rom.12:19)

Stop Brooding Over The Situation And Blaming Yourself.
If you fail to forgive yourself or forgive your spouse as the case may be and you keep brooding over the situation, you may be setting up yourself for mental health problems which may only make matters worse for every member of the family.

Never Abandon Your Children.
Never contemplate abandoning your children. For instance, if your husband is the type that is irresponsible concerning the children and you are the one taking care of the children including the payment of school fees, don’t make the mistake of abandoning your children for him. If you do, you will look back later and be full of regrets.

Never Contemplate Divorce Except When Life Is Threatened.
As difficult as things may appear to be in your marriage, you may discover that divorce is not really the solution. Except in a situation where life is threatened, you should not really look at divorce as a possible solution to the problems at home.

Never Rush Decisions When Deeply Hurt.
Take your time when you are deeply hurt by your spouse, before taking decisions. Decisions taken during periods of intense annoyance are usually overreactions which might have damaged things irreparably.

Never Lose Hope.
There is no difficult marriage that can not be straightened. God can use anything to sort out your difficult marriage. Losing hope is like pushing God out of your situation and allowing the devil to have the opportunity to do what he knows how best to do.(Jn.10:10)

Never Abandon Your God.
Periods of challenges may be periods that God will use to teach you vital lessons in your journey of faith; it may be periods for you to demonstrate your commitment to Him.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Discuss and promise yourselves some steps you will never take in whatever situation in your marriage.
* Share with yourselves some regrettable decisions which some people have taken about their home which you feel was wrongly taken during difficult times.

PRAYER
Father, may I never take decisions that will harm my home in the name of Jesus.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE STEPS WHICH WILL APPEAR REASONABLE TO YOU IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE THAT YOU WILL ONLY LIVE TO REGRET LATER; PAUSE BEFORE TAKING DRASTIC ACTION. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: 2Pet.1:5-9
MEMORY:
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. (

However difficult the situation is, you must ensure that you don’t lose hope. The following are some of the principles which you may apply to find peace and confidence even in such difficult situations.

Self Examination.
Beam the searchlight on yourself. After self examination, you may discover that it was a foundational problem, in which case you may need to ask God to forgive you and open your eyes to what you may do to manage the situation in which you have found yourself. You may also discover that though your spouse is at fault, there are certain things you are doing to aggravate the situation. In such a situation, you may need to caution yourself against doing what may continually make matters to become worse. If however, after self evaluation you discover that nothing is traceable to you as the source of the problem, there is still something you can do; pray! Prayer changes things.

Be More Committed.
Commitment makes you to desire solution when you could have opted out; it makes you to endure when things are hard and it makes you to pray for the intervention of God when you could have lost hope.

Create Life.
Challenges in marriage often make partners to shut down from each other, thereby snuffing life out of the marriage. Whatever you can do to make your home come alive should be done by you. Instead of shutting down, communicate. Make things that lively up your home to happen

Change Your Perception.
Try to put yourself in your partners shoes and feel how comfortable it is. For instance if the problem is your mother-in-law whom you feel is such a problem and insist must not visit your family, have you considered if you were told that your mum should not visit you? If you are not too rigid, there may be a compromise which may satisfy the two of you.

Change Yourself.
A lot of times, you may be trying to change your spouse when you should actually be trying to change yourself. There are certain elements in the behavior of your spouse that is causing problems in your home which may never change. If you work on yourself, you may be able to respond better or better be able to cope.

Nurture Yourself.
You must not allow the difficult situation in your home to destroy your spiritual, physical and emotional health. As a believer, you can’t afford to allow what is happening in your home to affect your relationship with God negatively. Many in various psychiatric hospitals are there because of marital challenges. Remember that they did not suddenly get there but as a cumulative effect of onslaughts on their mental capacities.
Create time for recreation, discover new hobbies, fulfill a ministry, read new books and grow yourself.

Pursue Your Vision.
Instead of thinking about retaliation or divorce/ separation, why don’t you think of pursuing your vision. Further studies, greater involvement in ministry, meeting the needs of others etc. may be a great way of eliminating the boredom and monotony that comes with difficult marriage.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
*As much as one might have tried in handling a challenging situation at home, there is always extra sacrifice that may be made if there is sufficient level of commitment. If you agree, discuss some extra sacrifices that you may still need to make in your own home.

PRAYER
Father, I receive the grace to take the right decision at the right time in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.
EVEN IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE, THERE MAY BE FUN WHICH HOPELESSNESS IS NOT ALLOWING YOU TO DISCOVER. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi