DAY 4

CLEAVING TO YOUR SPOUSE

Text: Gen.2:21-24.

Memory

…and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. (Gen. 2:24b)

Cleaving together means closeness between you and your spouse. Cleaving requires you to remove all obstacles that may prevent you from becoming very close to your spouse. Such obstacles may include human beings, beliefs, practices etc. Nothing, (including your children) should come between you and your spouse. The closer you are, the better for your relationship.

Newlyweds usually, due to the excitement of the new world of the marital union, find it easy to cleave. During such times, they are hardly seen separately; they do things in common and there is high level of intimacy. However, it appears as if the older the union is, especially as children arrive, the higher the tendency for attention to shift from your spouse to your children and other matters.

We must never forget that the plan of God for marriage is that we should be together. Any job that will separate you from your spouse for a considerable period of time should be given a second thought because the havoc it causes in the home is much more than the apparent gain. Any habit or practice that also affects the closeness between husband and wife must be at least minimized for cleaving to take place.

If you fail to cleave now, a time will come when only two of you will be left and by that time, it will be too late to close the gap, leading to loneliness during old age.

For you to be able to cleave to your spouse, the obstacle which you have to do away with may be unique to you and your home but the most important thing is that it must be addressed. One of the practices which will encourage closeness between you and your spouse is doing things in common. Sleeping, bathing, eating, going out together, all contribute to making you to become one. The more you do things together, the more dependent you will be on each other and consequently, the greater the cleaving.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• What are some of the perceived obstacles to cleaving in your marriage?

• Often due to economic considerations, a husband or wife travels away to far distances leaving the other members of the family. What are the problems which you feel may arise when there is consistent and considerable physical distance between husband and wife?

Prayer Point

Lord, give us the wisdom and will to address those obstacles that prevent cleaving in our relationship in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

IF YOU ARE NOT BOLD ENOUGH TO REMOVE ANY OBSTACLE PREVENTING ONENESS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE, THEN THERE IS A QUESTION MARK ON THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR YOUR SPOUSE.

DAY THREE

DEPARTING FROM HOME

Text: Gen.2:18-24

Memory

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,…(Gen.2:24a)

One of the major issues causing a lot of problems in many homes today is the inability or the difficulty of either of the partners in marriage to either physically or emotionally depart from home once married. Home here is used to refer to the parental and other relationships that were significant before marriage. It is definitely not a case of total severance from such relationships but you must give the relationship with your spouse a prime place and play down on those other relationships if you want to keep your home.

There are married men who though are married still prefer the food of their mother to that of their spouse because they feel that their mother can prepare their local delicacy better than their wife. Such men have not really departed from home, ditto for married women who must report anything going on in their home to their mother. Why don’t you as a man find a way of organizing a training for your wife to be able to cook that your native delicacy or otherwise forget eating that delicacy for now. In the case of a wife who reports to Mummy or Antie whatever is going on in her home, don’t forget that for a long time after you and your husband have sorted things out and moved on with your life, those you have reported to may continue to remind you of those ugly past that can only weaken your home.

Some of the problems that are associated with inability to depart from home are:

* Undue influence over your home by parents, friends or significant others who you find difficult to separate from.

* Difficulty to cleave to your spouse due to the fact that you have alternatives.

There are some categories of individuals that their family or friends don’t seem to find it easy allowing them to depart. They include first child, only male or female and the most prosperous child especially if the parents are looking up to him or her for sustenance.

Whatever may be the reason why you find it difficult to make your relationship with your spouse the first in your life, you must do something about it since you may not be able to cleave to your spouse if the other relationships in your life are competing with it. Our Lord Jesus Christ says,

…For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh (Matt.19:5)

Have you departed from home?

Discussion Points with your spouse

* Which are those other relationships in the life of your spouse that is affecting your home?

* Suggest to each other how to reduce the influence of such relationships.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

WHEN AS A WIFE YOU HAVE TO REPORT YOUR HUSBAND TO YOUR MUM VIRTUALLY EVERY TIME; OR YOU ARE A HUSBAND WHO BELIEVES THAT YOUR MUM’S SOUP IS MORE DELICIOUS THAN THAT OF YOUR WIFE, IT MEANS YOU HAVE NOT REALLY DEPARTED FROM HOME. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

Text: Rom.1:29-32

Memory:

Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they” which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. (Rom.1:31-32)

Today, let us take a fresh look at your marital vows, the potentials inherent in them to make us experience a successful marital life, and the attendant implications when broken.

The marriage vow is a covenant between husband and wife in the presence of God, with family, friends, and well wishers serving as witnesses to the contract. Let us take a sample of the vow which you took on your wedding day. It may not be the exact words but the implication of each variation is still the same.

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward,

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

till death do us part,

according to God’s holy ordinance;

and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”

To have and to hold means you won’t let go, from that day forward. If you don’t want to let something go, it means you will not be careless with it. Let me ask you, are you sure that you are not careless with your spouse? Do you pay attention to his/her welfare the way you will do for someone you don’t want to let go?

You also affirmed that no circumstance of life, that is, poverty, sickness etc., will ever separate you; through them all, you would continue holding on to your spouse.

Finally, you covenanted to love and cherish till death do you part. Going through 1Cor.13:4-8, will you say that you really love your spouse with your endless complaints and apparent inability to accommodate faults? To cherish means to treasure another, to value deeply, to hold dear, to prize above all else, to treat with gentleness and tender care, to esteem, to appreciate, to treat with utmost importance etc. If we love and truly cherish each other, how can we have anything but happy and lasting marriages?

Finally, in the last part, you pledged yourself according to God’s ordinance to your spouse before God and man that the covenant will prevail throughout the lifetime of either of you.

When therefore there are offenses and you are threatening divorce or you have separated or got yourself entangled with another member of the opposite sex, you have broken a covenant, the consequences of which you can’t run away from, except you go back to your spouse and seek God’s forgiveness.

Are you a covenant keeper or covenant breaker?

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Can you still locate your wedding programme? Take another look at the marital vows in it or the one above and study it carefully. Will you still be able to take those vows today? Why?

• Tell your spouse if there is any reason why you may not be able to take him/her to the altar and retake those vows.

PRAYER

May I never become a covenant breaker in Jesus name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

YOUR MARITAL VOWS ARE THE COVENANT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE THAT YOU WILL BE FREELY AVAILABLE FOR EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFETIME. ARE YOU STILL AVAILABLE FOR YOUR SPOUSE? – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.