MAIN TEXT: Prov.27:20-22
MEMORY:
Hell and destruction are never full;
so the eyes of man are never satisfied. (Prov.27:20)

On a normal day, no family has got enough financial resources.
When you get married, you will discover that however much you are both earning, it is not enough for all that you may want to do. Even in situations where your parents are wealthy or providence smiles on you and you come into the possession of a lot of money, you will still discover that it is not everything that you may want to do that you will be able to do because there will be financial limitations somehow. You should not be surprised; you are not alone in it. It appears that the first fundamental principles of economics are also at work even in your new home. We are told that the wants of every human being far outweigh their resources. Due to this, you have to choose based on the scarce resources available to you, so that you may end up using your resources wisely. In doing this, there is opportunity cost, which is the alternative that you have to forgo, in making your choice.
In a lot of cases, the issue of scarce resources causes a lot of problems in a home where there is no understanding about the fact that the problem is not unique to them.
Many get it wrong by making the most attractive choices, but you will get to know that in marriage, it is not about the most attractive choices but the most useful choices.
Two major reasons why making the right financial choice is of vital importance in marriage.

The future well-being of your family depends on it.
Making the right financial choices has a definite effect on the future wellbeing of your family. For instance, if you make financial choices that does not allow you to give your children the right kind of education that you are supposed to give them, it will affect all of you in the future. If for instance, as a man, you decide to be a playboy even when you are married and you are spending your resources on pleasure while your mates are raising their families and building or buying their own homes, by the time you realize that you got it wrong, it may be too late as you may find yourself struggling to do things that your mates have achieved earlier.


It helps you to avoid financial embarrassment.
There are times that advertisement or the lifestyle of others may lure you into making financial choices that make you to be indebted for a prolonged period of time. When the percentage of your income spent on servicing loan is too high for comfort, it leads to financial difficulties and embarrassment for the family.

Making the right financial decisions in view of limited resources is of vital importance in a family because the effect of wrong choices will not be on you alone but definitely on your spouse and the children.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Are there choices we are making now that are though attractive are not the appropriate ones for us at this stage of our marriage?
• Do we consult each other before making significant financial decisions?

PRAYER
May we always be able to make the right financial decisions in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS MAKING THE MOST ATTRACTIVE BUT NOT APPROPRIATE FINANCIAL CHOICES, YOU WILL SOON RUN YOUR FAMILY INTO FINANCIAL EMBARRASSMENT. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Matt.7:7-10
MEMORY:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: .(Matt.7:7)

There are no circumstances that are beyond the power of prayer. However difficult the situation is, don’t lose the confidence to pray.
Some of the reasons why you must pray are:

Marriage is God’s idea, so commit to His hands.
There is the place of the will of God in everything that happens in marriage. So, when there is a challenge, you must pray to know His will concerning which steps to take.
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: (Eph.1:11)

God Hates Divorce.
Permanence is the nature of marriage in God’s plan. He hates divorce. Consequently, when you are experiencing difficulties in marriage, there is need for you to go to God because He is not interested in divorce.(Mal.2:16)
* You need to shield your home from the devices of the devil.
The devil never wants your home to succeed; he is out to destroy. Often the issues causing problem in homes are spiritual in nature which you can only fight successfully spiritually.(2Cor.2:11)

* You don’t really know all the details of your background and that of your spouse.
There are times when the struggles you are experiencing in your home is really an inherited curse. However much you may know your spouse, you may not really know the full details of that family.(Ez.18:2) There may be details you are ignorant of, which may be causing havoc in your home. If you pray that the Holy Spirit should open your spiritual eyes so that you may learn details you are not aware of which may be causing havoc in your home, you may be surprised about what God may show to you.
Other reasons why you must pray are as follows:

– For with God nothing shall be impossible.(Lk.1:37)
– The offensive behavior of your spouse may not really be his fault.
– The ministry of the devil is to steal, kill and destroy.
– It is not over until it is over. In other words, as long as you are still alive, God can do something about the situation.
– Instability in your home will hinder your prayers.(1Pet.3:7)

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* To what level are we dependent on the efficacy of prayers during difficult situations in this home?
* How is our relationship with God who can do all things?

PRAYER
Father, once again we submit this home into your hands; fight our battles for us in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE NO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THE POWER OF PRAYER IN ANY MARRIAGE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Jam.1:5-8
MEMORY:
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..(Jam.1:5)

Causes of Personality Disorders.
There are two main causes of personality disorders; genetic and environmental factors.
Personality traits may be passed to you by your parents through inherited genes. These traits are sometimes called your temperament.
Also, people who are raised in dysfunctional homes during their early life are prone to develop personality disorders later in life. For instance, an only child who lacked constructive criticism while growing up or was raised in an environment of excessive attention and praise may develop narcissistic personality disorder.
If you have been noticing consistent excessive behavior in your spouse, the following are suggested:
* Get more knowledge about personality disorders to know the category which he or she belongs to.
* With more knowledge, you may prayerfully approach the matter by letting your spouse know what you have learnt about personality disorders and how it affects him or her. However, usually because of biases, it may be better to seek medical help for accurate diagnosis.
* If it is still at the mild stage, the two of you may agree on the course of action to be taken which may include self awareness and self control. You may also assist by reminding him or her whenever the tendency comes towards display. However, please note that it may be safer to seek medical help for treatment.
* Seek help if the situation has gone beyond the mild level because in some cases, the person may become violent which may cause self injury or injury to others.
* At every stage, ask for the wisdom of God because you require it to be able to take the right step at the right time.

As a conclusion, personality disorder as a mental disorder may cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage if not diagnosed early or is not treated. If not treated it becomes worse with the passage of time. Things become really difficult if the affected person is uncooperative.
As a believer, however, there is absolutely nothing that God cannot handle. Even when you suspect or discover personality disorder in your spouse, you neither need to panic nor take extreme steps which may prematurely destroy your home. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit because there is the will of God in every situation which you may always seek. Except God tells you not to seek medical attention, you may need to do so to prevent the situation from getting worse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Personally Disorder is a very delicate matter to discuss even when you notice it in your spouse, there is need for wisdom. Find a way of following the above steps together.

PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
LET YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD BE A GENUINE ONE, WHEN YOU RAISE YOUR CHILD WRONGLY, HE BECOMES A PROBLEM FOR THE FUTURE SPOUSE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Prov.1:20-22.
MEMORY:
Wisdom calls aloud outside;
She raises her voice in the open squares.(Prov.1:20)

There are some difficult marriages in which you really have to honestly observe yourself and spouse and try to determine whether either of you is having a personality disorder. If you discover that you have such problem, it may be better for you to face it and seek medical help.
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A husband or wife with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This can cause a host of problems in the home which the spouse will need special skills to cope with. Personality disorder will make the one suffering from it to do some extreme things including violence behaviors. Such behaviors can destroy lives if left undiagnosed and treated.
In many cases you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you. Consequently, instead of finding solution or seeking ways of managing the situation, you may be blaming others including your spouse as the cause of your challenges.


Following is a brief mention of the various forms of personality disorders.

Paranoid Personality Disorder.
Someone with paranoid personality disorder suspects that everyone including the spouse is out to mistreat them. Such a person will not trust the spouse at all.

Schizoid Personality Disorder.
Patients who have this disorder tend to avoid social interactions. Such a husband or wife likes to be left alone, is cold or indifferent to others and does not enjoy activities with others, including sex with the spouse.

Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Patients with antisocial disorder have no regard for the rights and feelings of others. Such a person will not mind doing things that will offend spouse.

Borderline Personality Disorder.
This disorder often leads to unstable emotions and mood swings which may lead to suicidal tendencies. A spouse that is suffering from such disorder may frequently threaten to commit suicide for no serious reasons.

Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Histrionic Personality behavior in a bid to draw attention may act in an overly dramatic or emotional way. Such spouse whether male or female wants constant attention and is easily influenced by others because of the desire for the approval of others.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This disorder causes patients to have exaggerated view of themselves or their importance often leading to arrogance. Such a wife or husband will feel that you should believe that you are privileged to have been married to him or her.

Avoidant Personality Disorder.
If your spouse is extremely shy and harbors consistent feeling of inadequacy, hesitant to confront others about their problem or experiences, and finds it difficult to express his or her feelings, it may be as a result of avoidant personality disorder.

Dependent Personality Disorder.
Those who have this personality disorder are extremely dependent on others. They find it difficult to function without the aid or encouragement of others. Such spouse will find it difficult to decide on any matter without your approval.

Obsessive- Compulsive Personality Disorder.
This disorder is characterized by a compulsion to engage in repetitive behaviors and thought patterns. If your spouse is suffering from it, she is likely to be rigid and stubborn.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Is there anything in my behavior that needs to be closely examined as a result of the above discussion?


PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS SEEING FAULTS IN EVERY OTHER PERSON, YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO LOOK INWARDS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Rom.4:18:22
MEMORY:
Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.(Rom.4:18)

There are situations in difficult marriage that can make you to take steps that may become a source of eternal regrets later. Some of those steps which you must never contemplate are discussed below:

Never Plan To Terminate Life.
There are cases where life is terminated out of frustrations that come with the diverse situations in a difficult home. You must never contemplate terminating either your own life or that of your spouse. Either by poisoning, hired killers or by deliberately allowing situations such as arranged accidents, you must not allow yourself to be used to terminate any life.

Never Think Of Retaliation.
One of the major reasons why you must not contemplate retaliation is that what your spouse is doing to offend you may not be his fault. It may be as a result of a personality disorder over which he doesn’t really have control. When you retaliate, you are most of he time making matters worse. Also, when you retaliate, you run the risk of offending God.(Rom.12:19)

Stop Brooding Over The Situation And Blaming Yourself.
If you fail to forgive yourself or forgive your spouse as the case may be and you keep brooding over the situation, you may be setting up yourself for mental health problems which may only make matters worse for every member of the family.

Never Abandon Your Children.
Never contemplate abandoning your children. For instance, if your husband is the type that is irresponsible concerning the children and you are the one taking care of the children including the payment of school fees, don’t make the mistake of abandoning your children for him. If you do, you will look back later and be full of regrets.

Never Contemplate Divorce Except When Life Is Threatened.
As difficult as things may appear to be in your marriage, you may discover that divorce is not really the solution. Except in a situation where life is threatened, you should not really look at divorce as a possible solution to the problems at home.

Never Rush Decisions When Deeply Hurt.
Take your time when you are deeply hurt by your spouse, before taking decisions. Decisions taken during periods of intense annoyance are usually overreactions which might have damaged things irreparably.

Never Lose Hope.
There is no difficult marriage that can not be straightened. God can use anything to sort out your difficult marriage. Losing hope is like pushing God out of your situation and allowing the devil to have the opportunity to do what he knows how best to do.(Jn.10:10)

Never Abandon Your God.
Periods of challenges may be periods that God will use to teach you vital lessons in your journey of faith; it may be periods for you to demonstrate your commitment to Him.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Discuss and promise yourselves some steps you will never take in whatever situation in your marriage.
* Share with yourselves some regrettable decisions which some people have taken about their home which you feel was wrongly taken during difficult times.

PRAYER
Father, may I never take decisions that will harm my home in the name of Jesus.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE STEPS WHICH WILL APPEAR REASONABLE TO YOU IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE THAT YOU WILL ONLY LIVE TO REGRET LATER; PAUSE BEFORE TAKING DRASTIC ACTION. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi