MAIN TEXT: Jer.17:5-8.

MEMORY:
…Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, …(

Most of us expect our spouse to keep us happy. Once that does not happen, it makes us miserable because our expectation of pleasure from them is so high. In fact a very high percentage of lack of fulfillment in marriage is that of feelings resulting from spousal disappointment. Some of the reasons why your joy should not be solely dependent on your spouse are;
– He is a human being who has his own personal issues to attend to.
– When you offend him, it may be difficult for him to make you happy until the conflict is over.
– There are certain circumstances of life which may prevent your spouse from making you happy as much as he would have desired to.
– He also may lose his own joy for one reason or the other, it may not be reasonable to expect him to give you what he doesn’t have.
– Spiritual forces may operate against your union, thereby even making him to be a source of concern to you.
– Other matters may distract his attention from making you happy.
– As a result of some personal weaknesses on his part, your spouse may deliberately decide not to make you happy even for a season.

Who Then Should Hold the Key to Your Joy?
You should allow your God to hold the key to your joy by opening up, interacting with and living the treasure chest of the promises of God in the scriptures; (

When your joy is dependent on God, several things will happen:
– You will see your spouse as a human being who has the tendency to disappoint at any time.
– You will be determined to love your spouse despite knowing that you may often be disappointed.
– You will be able to appreciate him for any little good deed he performs. Appreciating your spouse for little things will likely make him to be determined to do more to please you.
– You will be able to ask God for help to be your best in that marriage.
– You won’t hold him responsible for your joy; you are responsible because, even if he does something bad, you can choose how to respond.
– Then, whatever bad news anyone gives you about your spouse can’t make you sad because you are in charge of your life.

Really, who holds the key of joy in your marriage is a decision you must make and it flows from who you are in Christ. When you are personally secured about who you are, it will be difficult for anyone or circumstances to frustrate you or make you to lose your joy.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Try to remember the times which you made each other unhappy in the past; which ones were deliberate, which were not deliberate?
* If your joy In so dependent on who you are in Jesus Christ, how is your relationship with Him?
* Do you know that the better your relationship with Jesus Christ, the more you will likely make each other happy?

PRAYER
My father and my God, may I always grow in my relationship with you so that my joy will be more dependent on you than anyone else in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
LET GOD HOLD THE KEY TO YOUR JOY BECAUSE IF IT IS HELD BY ANY OTHER PERSON, YOU WILL OFTEN BE SAD. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: SS. 4:7-10

MEMORY:
How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse!
how much better is thy love than wine!
and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! (SS.4:10)

One of the most important ingredients of a delightsome home is that of complete acceptance of your spouse with every possible imperfection in his or her life. You must believe that your spouse is the best that you could have ever had; the choice of God for your life and your own portion in life. This is real work because indeed you will see those who are apparently ‘better’ than your spouse in at least one area of life. It may be in terms of looks, resources, position or even sometimes ministry. As a child of God for instance, you may see a man who can do ministry assignments better than your husband, but you must deliberately convince yourself that you have got the best. Once you are thinking that someone is better than your spouse, that person may become an alternative attraction to your spouse which could be deadly to your marriage.
It is only when you see your spouse as being your own beautiful portion in life that:
– You will continue to be excited about him or her as God’s choice for your life. Your home can’t be a delightsome one if you don’t seem to be excited about your spouse.
– You will continue to enjoy the relationship. If you keep resenting your spouse, you will continue to discover error in whatever he or she does.
– It becomes easy to pardon the faults of your spouse. It will be apparent to you that any other person as your spouse would have done worse.
– Due to your satisfaction, other alternatives will come short of your expectations. When you are satisfied with your spouse, it is more difficult for you to fall into the temptation of adultery.
– You will do everything within your power to protect his or her interest. This usually gets reciprocated, thereby contributing to the pleasure the two of you will derive from the relationship.
– You will remember that another option, however good it is, will come with its own set of problems which will make that of your spouse to pale into insignificance.
– You will be ready to overlook, and even enjoy, the imperfections or weaknesses of your spouse. When you are constantly complaining about the errors or the weaknesses of your spouse, you will only succeed in sending the wrong messages to him or her. There are some weaknesses in your spouse that will never change, no matter how you complain. When you believe that your spouse is the best you could have ever got, it makes you to overlook the weaknesses in him or her.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Tell each other why your choice of spouse is the best that could have ever been made.

PRAYER
Father, let me always see reason to be excited about my spouse in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
WHEN YOU BELIEVE THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS THE BEST, EVERY OF HIS/ HER WEAKNESS IS SEEN AS NECESSARY INGREDIENT TO MAKE YOUR HOME UNIQUE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text: Eccl.4:9-12

MEMORY: Eccl.4:12
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

When you newly fall in love and during the early years of marriage, emotions rule your actions and reactions and keep your relationship pleasurable. However, after a period of time which varies from one couple to the other, you will discover that emotions will give way to reality. In fact, those features like the shape of particular parts of her body, style of movement and even sex to some extent progressively lose their appeal. That is when the test of commitment comes to play. You will then start seeing each other’s faults. At such times, you may do things that will irretrievably harm your marriage. A responsible man or woman should be able to realize at this stage that despite the faults of his or her spouse, commitment to the vows of marriage should now be what will keep the relationship going.
Couples who make it to the end are not the ones who never had reason to get divorced or never fought; they are simply those who decided early in their marriages that their commitment to each other was going to be greater than their differences and flaws; they are the ones that decided earlier on that whatever happened along the journey of marriage, their marriage would be ‘…till death do us part.’
You must realize that nothing, under normal circumstances, should really be big enough to make you think of separation. According to the wedding vows, there may be disagreements, differences, sicknesses, trying times etc. Whatever the circumstances, it is just part of the experience of the journey and should normally not lead to divorce because the tenure of marriage is for a lifetime.

WHAT COMMITMENT WILL ACHIEVE FOR YOUR HOME
When you are committed to your home, the following, and many more, happen:
You will overlook faults.
Commitment to your home will make you to overlook the faults of your spouse and be determined to persevere even in the face of challenges.

You will not see divorce as an option.
Your commitment will make you to be determined to keep your home and not see divorce as an option when difficulties arise.

You are ready to sacrifice greatly for your home.
Even when others are looking at you as being stupid. Your commitment will make you to be ready to sacrifice anything for your home to survive.

You will try everything that can make your home work.
As a woman, you will be ready to go to any length to demonstrate your submission to your husband and as a the husband, your love for your wife will not be in doubt.

You will make your home a priority.
The home of a committed husband or wife comes before any other consideration.

You will avoid all forms of infidelity.
Commitment to your home will make you to avoid all forms of infidelity since you know that it has the potency to create problems whose magnitude may be too great for you to handle.

You will take the initiative towards reconciliation when there is conflict.
Commitment will make you ready to make the first move whenever there is conflict

In conclusion, anyone who desires a delightsome home must be committed to his or her home. Without commitment, anything can easily go wrong which may easily get out of hand and cause unlimited damage.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
*In what ways can we be more committed to this home?…

PRAYER
May I continually be committed to my home even under trying circumstances in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE

COMMITMENT MAKES YOU TO REMEMBER THAT THE JOURNEY OF MARRIAGE DOES NOT TERMINATE BECAUSE OF CHALLENGES BUT BECAUSE OF DEATH.- Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: SS 2:1-4MEMORY:  As the lily among thorns,so is my love among the daughters.

(SS.2:2)  A delightsome marriage is one that gives you pleasure.

You are glad that you are in that relationship and appreciate God for giving you your spouse. When you arey away from home, you miss your home. When you see him or her in the afternoon, you are looking forward to bedtime. When someone tells you something, you are looking forward to when you can share it with your spouse. When someone offends you, you are looking forward to reporting to him; Even if you are with one hundred people, you are lonely if he is not among the hundred; When he has a problem, it is like you are the one having the problem; also, when he triumphs, you want people to rejoice with you; when he is not around, you look forward to his arrival; When you look at your spouse as a gift of God for your life. Your day has not started well if you have not held your hands to pray together.  A marriage like this may appear utopian to many people, especially those who are having one challenge or the other in their home, but it is achievable. Today we shall be looking at the reasons why your marriage has to be a delight as follows: That’s The Way God Planned It.And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

(Gen.2:18) Life Can Be Terrible When Things Are Wrong At  Home.

When things go wrong at home, it affects virtually every other area of life such as your physical and emotional health, productivity at work and  even the way you relate with others.Your Spouse Will Be Your Longest Lasting Friend or Foe.Your spouse is the one that will make the greatest impact in your life and for the longest period of time. He will either be your longest serving friend or foe.So That You Won’t Envy Others Who Are Having Delightsome Homes.If your marriage is not a delight, seeing those whose homes are pleasurable may be a source of sadness and envy to you.So That Your Children May Learn From Their Parents.The state of your family affects your children most profoundly. So many researches point to the fact that children that grow up in family where there is love and stability grow up exhibiting those traits and with the desire to replicate it in their own homes in the future. So That You May Be Salt And Light (Matt.5:13-14;16)Your marriage needs to be a delight so that it can be a reference point to others in the world.  We may therefore conclude that it is vital to your physical and emotional well-being, that of your children and the society at large for you to have a delightsome home. It does not however just happen, it requires work. It is only those that desire and work towards it that are able to experience it.

 DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE* Will you honestly say that your home is a delightsome home?* If It is not really delightsome, when did things really go wrong, since it could not have been so from the beginning? 

PRAYER: Father, help me to be able to make the necessary sacrifice for my home to return to our first love in Jesus’ name.

 QUOTABLE QUOTE

A DELIGHTSOME MARRIAGE DOES NOT JUST HAPPEN.  IT OCCURS BECAUSE THE PARTNERS WORK TOWARDS MAKING THE MARRIAGE A DELIGHT.  ARE YOU WORKING ON YOUR OWN? -Dr Mike Oluniyi

Main text. Proverbs 4:5-9
Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom:
and with all thy getting get understanding. (Prov.4:7)

It is a terrible experience when your spouse is working against or is not interested in your vision. However trying the situation is, wisdom is the principal virtue you need in such situation, and without it, you will further complicate matters for your life and ministry. You may take the following steps:
Examine Yourself.
Look inwards and examine if there is any way you have opened doors for the devil to operate against your ministry. Is there any way you have allowed iniquity to thrive in your life or ministry? (Rom.6:1-2; Hebrews 10:26-29)
Sin can open doors for the devil to operate in your ministry and when he operates, he may use anybody including your spouse against you. If you discover persistent pattern of sin, it may be better for you to go to God, ask and receive forgiveness.
Ask The Right Questions.
Has your wife always been like that? If it was not so at the beginning, what caused it? What is the foundation of your relationship? Does she move with the right kind of people? Is she fulfilled doing what she is doing presently in the ministry? Is there anything that might have disappointed her about your ministry?
Asking the right questions and getting response to them helps you to gain proper perspective of a matter and leads you to pray right.
Pray Right.
One of the most important things we should know as ministers of God is the need to pray right. Often, we spend considerable time binding, casting and loosing when we are supposed to surrender ourselves to God in penitence. Some of the greatest prayers in the Bible are not necessarily long prayers but the right ones. We must learn to pray right (Jam.4:3)

Communicate.
One of the greatest instruments you can employ in marriage is communication. Instead of you warring with your spouse about her non-cooperation, why don’t you sit down to discuss with her. Someone will say that his wife will not say anything. But, have you checked whether she is afraid of what will happen if she dared to tell you the truth?

Empathize.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feeling of someone else. Do you empathize with your spouse? Do you see things from her point of view? Do you actually seek to understand what her challenges are? If you ask your wife to resign her job because you feel she should not work outside the ministry, do you have an arrangement concerning how at least her basic needs will be met?

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Is there anything you are doing which is making your spouse to feel that he/ she is not part of the vision that God has given you?
• Suggest ways to each other on how you can carry your spouse along in your vision.

PRAYER
I receive that grace to be frank in examining myself in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS WORKING AGAINST YOUR VISION, IT MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO GO TO THE MOUNTAIN TO PRAY THAT YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD DIE. IT MAY RATHER BE THE TIME TO ASK YOURSELF WHERE YOU WENT WRONG. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi