POSITIVE PARENTING MINDSETS (1)
THE CARETAKER MINDSET.
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord:
and the fruit of the womb is his reward…(Ps.127:3)

The mindset of caretaker in parenting is the attitude of seeing yourself and your spouse as a caretaker that has been commissioned by the owner of a property, to represent him and be in charge of the property. Such a mindset makes you to see God as the owner of your child and that you are just a steward who will ultimately render account of how you raised the child to God.
Be aware of the following as a caretaker of the children that God has given you;

You are not the property owner but a privileged representative.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord:
and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (Ps.127:3)

It just pleased God to give you the privilege of being the vehicle through which your children were born. If you look around you carefully, whatever your age, you may discover those of your age, who never had the privilege of getting pregnant for once. Some of them never had the privilege of getting married in the first place while there are those who got married but never experienced the joy of parenthood. For some of them, you may say that it is because while they were young, they lived promiscuous lives. However it may be wrong for you to generalize that all that are barren are so because of their own faults, many have never become pregnant, not because of their own fault but because somehow it just did not happen. Have you also not seen those that have been pregnant several times but the pregnancies always get aborted through no fault of theirs. Thank God that you got married and the children came but never you have it in mind that the pregnancy came because it is your right. The challenge of barrenness has driven many women to drop their faith out of ignorance and embrace other gods just to experience the joy of parenthood; many homes have been separated just because one suspect that the other is the cause of unfruitfulness in the home, sometimes it is the extended family that separate them; many also had to go through a lot of tests at great cost at specialist hospitals to be able to go through artificial insemination so as to experience the joy of parenthood. If your own was successful, thank God that you experienced the process and became pregnant because it is not even in all cases that it is a success story.
Therefore, that you have children of your own is just because it has pleased God to assign you to be in charge on His behalf, they belong to him.

You are to care for the property according to the instructions of the owner.
If your children belong to Him, and you are a caretaker, it follows that you must take care of the property the way the owner asked you to do it. One of the most important assignments of the owner of the children is that of teaching and training.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.(Prov.22:6)

Consequently, your children must be properly trained because that is one of the most important assignments that God has for you as a parent. Such training involves that of the word of God, home training and conventional academics. The dangers posed by children that are not trained by parents or who for one reason or the other did not receive training is that they always become problems for the society. In a lot of cases, there are parents who just bear children and never cared whether or not they are trained as result of broken homes. There are also parents who leave others to train their children for them by putting them in the hostel right from the time they were very young. If you have this mindset of the caretaker, you will know that there are matters that has to be attended to in the life of a child which Sunday school and conventional school teachers alone may not be able to do justice to.

You must neither abuse nor allow the abuse of the property.
If you are the caretaker of a building, you won’t allow any kind of misuse of the property because there are likely to be sanctions from the owner, it is the same for the children that God has graciously given to you. There are children that are sexually abused or maltreated by those who are supposed to care for them. As a parent, you have a responsibility of ensuring that your children are always paid attention to, so that they don’t get into wrong hands. Though girls are especially vulnerable to sexual abuse, boys are also not left out. If care is not taken they may be introduced into all forms of pervasion and immorality such as homosexualism and pornography at tender ages. Apart from sexual abuse, there are also other forms of abuse to be guided against depending on circumstances surrounding the family. These other types of child abuse are physical abuse, emotional or psychological abuse and neglect.

Your wages will depend on how satisfactory your stewardship of the property is.
God has not asked you to labour in vain over these children. When you bring them up in the ways of the Lord and they become great in the future, your joy over them is one of the most significant wages that you will receive for your stewardship over them.

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.(Ps.127:4-5)

There is a kind of satisfaction which gives you fulfillment when you are getting old and you see your children doing well: There is a kind of respect that people give you as a result of them knowing that your children are doing fine in their various vocations in life. Apart from being able to provide for your need, (if there is need to do so), knowing that they are doing well gives you joy. You may contrast such situation with one in which children were not trained while they were young and they grow to become irresponsible; imagine the sorrow of such parents in old age. Such children may continue to demand for sustenance from their parents even in old age and may be praying that such parents die early so as to be able to dispose their properties. There are even those who sell off the properties of their parents while still alive.


However long it takes, a time of accountability will come.
If you are given a property to manage, a time of accountability will come when the owner will arrive and you as the caretaker will have to render an account of how you took care of the property. Many fail to remember that a time of accountability comes. Even many of those who are supposed to do it right still fail when the time of accountability comes. Prophet Eli was a repository of the word of God, He was a great man of God. However, in the area of the training of his children, he was such a colossal failure. At the time of accountability, though he succeeded as a prophet of the LORD, he failed in the area of the training of his children.

And the LORD said to Samuel, Behold, I will do a thing in Israel, at which both the ears of every one that heareth it shall tingle.
In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end.
For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever.(1Sam.3:11-14)



The Way You Handle Your Children May Determine How Joyful Your End Will Be.

There are people who spend their later years in sorrow and even die early as a result of the effects of lack of training in the life of their children. An old woman once told me that joy is the food of the elderly. One of the greatest source of satisfaction for old people is seeing that their children are doing fine. On the other hand, there are old people whose properties were disposed off while they were still alive by untrained children or children who turned out wayward. Parenting is a very serious assignment that when you fail at it, it may make you to be sorrowful during old age or even make you to die before your time.

MAIN TEXT: Gen.18:10-14
MEMORY:
Is any thing too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son. (Gen.18:14)

The fulfillment of God’s promises often require a period of waiting. In the scriptures as well as in contemporary times, there are numerous examples of people who were promised by God but they had to wait for prolonged periods of time before the promises were fulfilled. In your family too, there may be periods of waiting. It may be for your child to come, for breakthrough in business or ministry or waiting concerning other areas of life. Remember to learn from the examples below while waiting:

Delay Is Not Denial.
In the life of Abraham, there was a long period of waiting for his promised child, Isaac, to come. If you are waiting for a promise of God to be fulfilled in your life, never you believe that the promise has been denied you.

The Best Is Often Reserved For The Last.
Peninnah had been having children before Hannah but when Samuel came through her whom had been presumed to be barren, he became Israel’s leading prophet. So, while you are waiting, believe that you have being made to wait because God has reserved the best for you.

Your Eventual Fulfillment Will Justify All The Waiting.
Joseph was shown what he would become in the future (Gen.37:7-9) but there had to be a long wait before he got there. He was hated, sold into slavery, tempted, imprisoned and forgotten before he eventually became the prime minister of Egypt. By the time he got to the position, every other inconvenience that he went through during the period of waiting was erased by the significance of the attained position.

Your Mockers Will Bow When Glory Comes.
The Sons of the prophets must have been waiting to see what would become of Elisha at the departure of his master Elisha, but when he parted the river Jordan the same way Elijah did it, they realized that power had been transferred, and they had to bow down to him. (2 Kings 2:15)
While waiting, believe that those who are mocking you now will celebrate with you later.

Seeking Alternative god May Destroy Your Fulfillment.
While waiting, Sarah felt that she could hasten the fulfillment of the promise by giving her maid to her husband. However that singular act has been troubling the generations of her offspring till now. (Gen.16:12).
While waiting, you must avoid shortcuts.

Behaving Wisely Will Make The Joy More Fulfilling.
David had been anointed as the next king, but there was a long wait. The Bible records that during the period of waiting, he behaved himself wisely.(1Sam.18:5). While waiting, pray for the grace to behave wisely.

There Are Battles Before Victory.
When Moses went to Pharaoh to release the children of Israel, their task was multiplied (Ex.5:22-23); David had to fight Goliath despite the fact that he had been anointed to become the king,(1Sam.17:50-51); Joseph had to be sold into slavery and imprisoned (Gen.39:20) despite being shown what he would become in the future. It is definite that your appointed time will come but you must not be discouraged by the present challenges; it makes the victory sweeter!


Waiting is not peculiar to you. Every promise of God is for an appointed time. Wait for the appointed time and you will be glad you did.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Share an experience of thoughts that have come into your mind during any period of waiting in the past in your family.

PRAYER
Father, help me not to deviate from you during any period of waiting for my appointed time in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
EVERY PROMISE OF GOD FOR YOUR FAMILY IS FOR AN APPOINTED TIME, WAIT FOR YOURS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Luke 15:11-35.
MEMORY:
I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you,…(Lk.15:18)

Often, you covetously look at another person’s spouse and have the feeling that your own spouse doesn’t measure up. You wonder what life would look like if the other woman or man were your spouse. Although you are still at home, your life may be likened to that of the prodigal son in the text above. Because you are already into emotional affairs, your spouse seems not to know how to do anything the right way. Like the prodigal son, it is like you don’t have so much at stake at home again. In fact, if not for what the church and society would say, you would have physically moved out and put everything in your family in jeopardy.

A lot of people have shipwrecked their home as a result of imagining that there is greener pasture outside, treating their spouse and children as if they don’t matter. When you are in such situation, your home cannot be a pleasant place to be because though you are physically present at home, you are already emotionally attached to someone else. You will magnify every offense of your spouse and even that of your children because you have already left home in your thoughts and engrossed with the imagination of been freed from the imaginary ‘prison’ of your home. Some have even physically abandoned their family and wasted the resources that should have been used for their family on others while the family suffers.

Whether in your thought as a result of emotional affairs or you have actually left home, why don’t you return back home like the prodigal son. I am sure your family is waiting for you to come back home to them emotionally and be what you used to be to them.

And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. (Lk.15:18)

Your spouse will definitely welcome you back home just like the father of the prodigal son did because that is really where you belong. Please note that it is covetousness that makes a man or woman to feel that there is greener pasture outside his or her matrimonial home. Even if there are some brown patches in your lawn, if you can come back home to wet it, the brown will soon become green again.

PRAYER
Father, may covetousness not make me to reject your perfect arrangement for me in my matrimonial home in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IT IS COVETOUSNESS THAT MAKES YOU TO THINK THERE IS A GREENER PASTURE OUTSIDE YOUR HOME; IF THERE IS ANY BROWN PATCH IN YOUR OWN, WAIT AND WET IT, SOON IT WILL BE GREEN AGAIN. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Proverbs 16:2
MEMORY:
All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes;
but the Lord weigheth the spirits.(Pro.16:2)

One day, our last born who always liked being with me begged me that I should allow her to follow me on a one-day retreat. She was just about ten then. I agreed on one condition, which was that she would keep to herself, either studying her bible, praying or reading her books and it became a deal. I told her again that the condition would be kept even during our thirty minutes drive to the resort and she agreed. The retreat centre was located in a rural area about thirty minutes drive from the city and the centre seldom enjoyed stable electricity supply.
My daughter watched me as I put a plastic container inside the car for the fuel that would be needed to power the generator. As we were about to leave the city, she said, “excuse me dad,” I responded that we had a deal and she kept quiet. About ten minutes later as we approached the last filling station before leaving the main road, she tried to gain my attention again, I reminded her of our deal and she said, “but..,” I did not allow her to finish the sentence and she kept quiet. When we reached the last rural filling station again as the place was about to close she unsuccessfully tried to call my attention again but I did not allow her. Just before I turned off the road into the resort, I realized that I did not buy the fuel that we would need to power the generator for the night. I asked myself, how on earth did I forget to buy fuel and my daughter responded, “but that was what I was trying to remind you of dad!” I had to apologize to her and lifted the embargo on keeping mute and spent the night without electricity, my phone and IPad battery all dead. You can imagine what such retreat would look like for someone who relied heavily on iPad for virtually everything. That day I regretted not listening to a ten-year old girl!

There are a lot of times when you may do some things and have the feeling that you are right, whereas you are wrong. As human beings and especially as a child of God, there is that tendency for you to have the feeling that the counsel of your spouse or even your children does not matter; you look at yourself as being correct. The scripture of today is telling us that you only seem to be right in your own eyes, you may need the Holy Spirit to actually know if you are right. The Holy Spirit can use your spouse or your child even as young as a ten-year old to point your attention to the needful.
Don’t be too sure that your decision is the right one unless the Holy Spirit has confirmed to you that you have taken the right decision.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Will you try and remember some of the times you had thought you were right but actually wrong in the past?

PRAYER
Holy Spirit, help me to take your counsel in all situations in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
NEVER BE TOO SURE THAT YOU ARE RIGHT, LISTEN TO OTHERS! – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: 1Pet.3:6-9
MEMORY:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1Pet.3:7)

Our scripture of thought for today points us to the issue of treating each other right so that our prayers may not be hindered. It makes us to realize that because of being married, we actually are joint heirs of the grace of life. In other words, if you are thinking about heaven, you better treat each other well. When you don’t treat your spouse right, things may go wrong with your spiritual life. Another scripture that is similar to this is found in Malachi 2:

And this have ye done again,
covering the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with crying out,
insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more,
or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
Yet ye say, Wherefore?
Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth,
against whom thou hast dealt treacherously:
yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.(Mal.2:13-14)

The scripture above is simply saying that when there is contention in the home; when you have not treated each other well; when there are unforgiven offenses, your relationship with God is hampered. Because God sees you and your spouse as one, it is like a joint account opened in a bank, you can’t withdraw as individual without the signature of your partner. From the two scriptures, we may summarize as follows;
i. Treat your spouse with understanding.
ii. Honour your spouse in whichever way you can.
iii. Always remember that you are joint heirs (there are some divine inheritance that you will miss without your spouse).
iv. Answers to your prayers are at risk if you are not united.
v. Your tears do not move God if you maltreat your spouse.
The implication of this for you is that the way you treat each other in marriage has spiritual implications. One preacher said, “If you want to know if a man is going to heaven, go and ask his wife.” Initially I felt that he went too far with the statement, but on looking at our scriptures for today, there may be some elements of truth in what the preacher said. Anyone that can prevent your prayer from being answered has the capacity to prevent you from making heaven.
Pay attention to your spouse for you to enjoy in full measure the riches of heaven.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• What are the strategies you have put in place to ensure that offenses don’t linger for long in this relationship?

PRAYER
Father, help me to relate with my spouse with understanding so that my prayers will not be hindered in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
TREAT YOUR SPOUSE WITH UNDERSTANDING; ANYONE THAT CAN PREVENT YOUR PRAYERS FROM BEING ANSWERED (1Pet.3:7) HAS THE POTENTIAL TO PREVENT YOU FROM MAKING HEAVEN. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi