The Honour Mindset: Positive Parenting Mindsets 2

Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

‘Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee’. (Deut.5:16)

Despite just being the caretaker, your role is an important one, having being assigned by God. Because your role is significant to God, He desires that you must be honored by your children. This is so important to God that He made it one of the Ten Commandments and the only one to which a promise is attached.
The Honour mindset is therefore the mindset that makes you to train your children to attract the blessings of God by honoring their parents both biological and spiritual. If you possess this mindset, you will do the following:

Demonstrate this mindset by honoring your own parents.
If you want your children to honour you, they may need to see it in the way you honour your own parents. When you speak to your parents, do you accord them respect? If you do so, your children are watching you. When your parents advice you, how do you take it? Sometimes, the advice they give may be at variance with current realities, but the way you discard the idea matters. Don’t forget that a time will come too that you will give outdated advice to your children in the future, will you be happy if they discard the idea as if you are a fool? One thing I have noticed in old people is that they appreciate those who can sit down with them and listen to old stories; stories of occurrences that took place long time ago, with little or no relevance to your current life realities. On the other hand, you have more relevant and important things to do now. It won’t harm anything for you to deliberately spend some time with them once in a while to make them happy as they relive those memories. As you are doing it to make them happy, you are passing a message across to your own children.
One important fact to note is that the parents of your spouse are also your parents, honour them. When I was in the university, there were some girls who were my course mates then who always said then that they would not marry any man whose mum was still alive. I doubt whether God would answer such prayers but I can imagine the way such ladies would treat their mothers in law! There are also men who would insist that their parents in law could not visit their family and stay overnight. All such unfair way of treating your parents are bound to be replicated by your children. When you are doing it, you are just like telling them that that is the way they should treat you in the future.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
You need to remember that in the way you treat your parents, you are just sowing for you to reap in the future from the way your children are going to treat you. Being conscious of this reality of life will make you to treat your children right so that your own children will learn from first hand experience that parents are to be honoured.

Let your children value your role and sacrifices in their lives.
You must learn to communicate with your children. They must know the reason why certain decisions are taken concerning them so that they will appreciate your role in their lives. Let them have a feeling of some of the sacrifices you made concerning them.
There are some specific sacrifices you made in the past which unless you tell them, they will not know and appreciate.
I read a story somewhere of a man that would not allow his mother to visit him because of the ugly look of his mother which was caused by a fire incident that affected her face so badly, earlier in life. It was after his mother died that he learnt that the fire incident that disfigured her mother occurred when she was trying to save him as a baby from being burnt in a room where he was trapped. The fire did not affect him but almost snuffed life out of his mother in the process of saving him. Today, he is full of regrets that had he known that his mother did so much for him, the story of their relationship would have been different.

Don’t diminish the value of the efforts of your spouse over the children.
Comparatively, you may have the privilege of contributing more than your spouse into the life of the children materially or otherwise. However, you must not consequently make the children to look down on the meager efforts of your spouse. As much as possible, speak well about your spouse before the children. As much as you may humble yourself by making your children to value your spouse, the children will still discover the enormity of your contributions, and it will make them to honour you the more. When you are running down your spouse for the children to value you more, it often backfires and reduces your own value.

You should make him believe that his parents are to be obeyed because they normally will not lead him astray.
You must earn the trust of your children enough for them to believe that you can not lead them astray. You may earn their trust by upholding your integrity. When you say something, mean it. Once your children discovers that you are truthful and fair, they will be ready to trust you enough to be led by you without looking back. They will obey you because they have discovered over the years that you may be trusted.

He must learn to accept the discipline of his parents.
Your children must learn to see your discipline as an act of love. You may achieve this by communicating with them. Don’t assume that they know. Often, lack of understanding lead to rebellion among especially teenagers. You must teach them that discipline is an act of love, they must not interpret it as sign of cruelty or hatred.

For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

Let them also know that any kind of discipline which you make them to go through is for their own good.

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. .(Heb.12:11)

Unity Of Purpose Between You And Your Spouse.
One of the ways through which you can demonstrate the honour mindset is by being united in purpose with your spouse. If there is an issue of discipline at home and you take different stands and are openly antagonistic to one another, you will be sending the wrong message that will diminish your value in the reckoning of your children.

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