Steps Into Forgiveness In Marriage :(Couples Companion Day 28)

Main Text. Prov. 4:7-9
Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.(Prov.4:7)

Your spouse is the most significant person in your life. Your relationship with him or her is the most significant relationship that you will ever be involved in. Any problem with the relationship is bound to have a negative impact on your life, his or her own life, your children and the society at large. Consequently, it is not a relationship to be treated lightly. Since it is not possible for you not to offend each other, it is good for you to know some of the steps that can be taken to facilitate forgiveness.

Avoid Instant Reaction.
Time heals all wounds. If you allow some time to lapse before your reaction, what initially appeared to be a major problem might
have reduced to a level you will find it easier to forgive.
Avoid Third Parties.
As much as possible, the matter should be between the two of
you. The severity of the pain which an offense inflicts
on your memory mellows down with time. Over time, serious offences may actually
start getting smaller and smaller, but if others are involved, it remains big or even often becomes bigger. A lot of decisions that will be taken in the home are decisions that have to be taken personally under God’s guidance because however knowledgeable an outsider is about your home, he or she does not
know the whole story.

Seek An Explanation.
Hearing out your spouse’s own view goes a long way to resolving issues because you might have been looking at the matter from different angles.
Seek To Understand.
You should really listen to your spouse with a view to understanding
the factors behind what he or she has done. Try to understand his
or her own point of view.
Accept Apologies.
If your spouse offers apology, you should be ready to accept it, no
matter how grievous the offence may appear to be. Though you may feel
better in the short run holding grudges, forgiveness heals the soul and keeps your home firmly where God, the author of marriage, wants it
to be.
Accept Your Own Fault.
You are likely to discover if you are sincere, that you
are not really perfect. If in any way there is a fault on your side and you readily acknowledge it, you may find it easier to forgive the fault of your spouse.

Forgive Completely.
We must learn to sincerely forgive, and when we do, it should be total.
There should be no reference to the issue again.
Forgive In Advance.
It is possible to make up your mind that whatever your
spouse does in the future to offend you, you will forgive. If you have done this, it becomes easy to actualize the commitment when the
offense comes.

If your spouse is the most important person in your life, and there is no way to avoid offenses in your relationship, wisdom demands that you take necessary steps before matters get out of hand.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
* How easy is it for you to apologize when you err?
* Can you really apologize when you are right?
* Is there anybody whom you must inform when your spouse has offended you? What are the problems which may arise if a third party is involved?

May I never be tired of making the first move towards forgiveness whenever there is offense in my home in Jesus’ name.


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