MAIN TEXT: Proverbs 15:1-4
MEMORY:
A soft answer turneth away wrath:
but grievous words stir up anger.(Pro.15:1)

Communication is the mortar that holds a relationship together; relationship crumbles when it breaks down. A lot of challenges that marriages experience is as a result of inadequate or a breakdown in communication between partners. The more you communicate, the more connected you are.
You must understand that communication is not just about talking. Your spouse may transfer essential messages to you through attitude, facial expressions, body language and even silence. Communication may also often be physical. Your spouse can convey a message of affection by gently touching your hand, but if he squeezes your hand to the point of pain, he will be conveying a negative message. In fact, if you want to be an effective communicator, you have to pay close attention to what your partner is telling you through his moods, attitudes, gestures, movements, and actions. We shall be looking at some of those factors that lead to the breakdown of communication in marriage.
Pride.
When there are offences and either the husband or wife feels too important to make the first move to communicate or feels too important to respond to moves from the spouse, it may lead to the breakdown of communication.

Unforgiveness.
Inability to forgive may lead to hatred which effectively reduces positive communication to the barest minimum in marriage.

Retaliation.
The determination to retaliate when your spouse has offended you may lead you to steps which may kill communication in marriage. Never forget Romans 12:19;
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Ignorance.
Often, many don’t know that when you don’t know implications of lack of communication in your home, you may embark on it ignorantly not knowing that it may pass a death sentence on your marriage.

Misunderstandings.
When you find it difficult to understand each other or your discussions often lead to conflict, your partner may refrain from communicating with you in the bid to avoid conflicts.

An angry man stirreth up strife,
and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.(Pro.29:22)
To avoid such situation in marriage, you must do everything possible to avoid miscommunication. Make yourself clear whenever you are passing across a message and ensure that you understand the message your spouse is passing across to you to avoid miscommunication.

The importance of communication in marriage cannot be overemphasized. Lack of it make a home to be at a level that no member of the family including the children enjoys. Don’t forget that when your spouse is not enjoying communication with you, he or she may get involved with a member of the opposite sex who is able to connect better with him or her through communication and that in turn has the capacity to destroy your home. Consequently, if you desire a strong union with your spouse, you must do everything possible to keep communication alive.


DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Which are the factors affecting smooth communication in your marriage?
• What steps can you take to improve communication with your spouse?

PRAYER
Father, help us in this home to communicate appropriately to continually strengthen our marriage in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
COMMUNICATION IS THE MORTAR THAT HOLDS RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER; DON’T WEAKEN YOUR UNION. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Eccl.9:8-10
MEMORY:
Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; …(Eccl.9:9)

Intellectual intimacy between a couple may be viewed as sharing ideas and thoughts. Such sharing may not be that they agree on the points discussed but the willingness is there to discuss. You can know if intellectual intimacy exists between you and your spouse if:
• You readily talk about your hopes and dreams and encourage each other towards the actualization of those dreams.
• You ask for each other’s opinion on actions or matters.
• You are free to disclose your fears and past to each other without reservations.
• You are so used to each other’s expression that you can suspect when your partner is not telling you the whole truth about a matter.
• You are free to open up and talk just about anything with your spouse.

Emotional intimacy means being emotionally connected to your partner in marriage. It is important because it helps a relationship to have strong bond. Couples who are emotionally intimate are able to resolve their conflicts more easily because they understand each other better and are able to communicate their feelings better. Every couple must work on building up their level of emotional intimacy for the overall good health of their relationship. The following are signs that you can notice if your relationship lacks emotional intimacy:
• You feel distant from each other.
• You find it difficult to express your emotions to each other.
• Your life is private to you.
• You find it awkward to touch each other outside the bedroom. The more you are emotionally connected, the easier it is for you to connect physically.
• When you don’t do things together.
• You find it difficult to listen to and understand each other.
Emotional intimacy is vital in a marriage, but the good news is that if you are lacking in it, you may actually work on it and improve from the present to a better level by opening up more to each other, depending more on each other, asking for the opinion of your spouse on issues and being generally more interested in each other.

If you desire to live joyfully with your spouse like the scripture for today enjoins you, there is need for intellectual and emotional intimacy. You must deliberately work on it so that your relationship will be a pleasant one.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• What are the obstacles that prevent us from opening up and discussing with each other?
• How can we improve our level of communication with each other?

PRAYER
Father, help me to take steps to be able to connect with my spouse intimately in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO YOUR SPOUSE THE MORE MATTERS FOR DISCUSSION COME UP AND THE MORE CONNECTED YOU WILL BE EMOTIONALLY. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text: Prov.5:18-20
MEMORY:
Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe;
let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love. (Prov.5:18-19)

Today, we are looking at physical intimacy which is what comes to the mind of most people when they hear the word “intimate.” Physical intimacy strengthens the bond between couples and fosters closeness, love and affection between them. Though it includes sexual intimacy, it is not limited to it. Since we have already dealt with sex earlier, we are going to concentrate on non-sexual physical intimacy today. Non-sexual physical intimacy which you may explore to foster closeness, love and affection with your spouse include the following:
• Holding the hands of your partner.
• Caressing your partner’s neck.
• Kissing your partner.
• Nibbling your partner’s ear.
• Walking with your arms around your partner’s waist.
• Cuddling each other.
• Sitting close enough to be physically in touch with any part of your partner’s body.
• Briefly rubbing your partner’s back.
• Playing footsie with your partner.


All the above non-sexual physical intimacy activities often lead to sexual activity but it doesn’t always have to, which in fact, is one of the biggest complaints for women.
Men often take any physical intimacy as a sign that women want sexual intimacy, when sometimes they just need a touch or cuddle. Of all the types of intimacy, this is the one that most men find interesting. Men typically feel the most connected when sexual physical intimacy is highest. It is worthy of note that apart from engendering closeness, men may actually use the non-sexual physical intimacy activities to lure their wives to sexual activity. Though the woman is not interested in sex initially, appropriate use of any of the activities may be used to romantically lure a woman to be desirous of sexual activity. Our memory verses for today also show that God expects man to delight in these activities with his wife.

It is important for men to note that non-sexual physical intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex. If all your wife just need is to physically feel your touch or cuddle, let it be. When you always interpret your wife’s desire for your touch to mean desire for sex, it may make her to always refrain from getting close physically to you. Such a situation may drive couples apart instead of closer to each other which may become a problem in relationship.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• In what ways have physical intimacy generally enhanced connection between you and your spouse?
• Tell each other which of the non-sexual physical activities is most appealing to you.

PRAYER
I receive wisdom to use the most appropriate means to excite my spouse and drive us closer to each other in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
PHYSICAL INTIMACY IS SO VITAL IN MARRIAGE THAT THE ABSENCE OF IT MAY SPELL DOOM FOR YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text: Gen.26:8-11

Memory
And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife.(Gen,26:8)

The second type of intimacy is recreational intimacy. Recreational intimacy is the bond that is created and strengthened by doing activities together. For instance, you and your spouse may sit down to watch a program on the television together, you may both take a walk, play a game or engage in other activities together. These activities have the potential of creating pleasing experiences that fuel connection between you and your spouse.
This sort of intimacy tends to be at its highest early in the relationship when both partners are willing to do and try things outside of their comfort zone just to have the opportunity to be in each other’s presence. As we advance in marriage and life gets more complicated with other commitments such the care for the children, family and societal engagements, opportunities for recreational intimacy dwindle between couples. However, the intention of God for marriage is that we continue to enjoy the interaction with each other even in spite of those essential activities.

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. (Eccl.9:9)

For our level of recreational intimacy to improve, we need to remember the following:
1. The journey of marriage is such a long one that you can’t enjoy it by doing only routine essential activities. We need the ability to hold hands, laugh and play together if we are to endure the times of disappointments and challenges together.
2. A time will come when all those activities that are preventing intimacy between you and your spouse will fade away from your life. You will be left with your spouse but the intimacy you did not develop now will be difficult to enjoy then. Such situation leads to boredom and loneliness in old age. Don’t be surprised that even your most loved child will get married some day, only for you to be meeting once in a while.
3. Though you may appear to be so busy, if you really desire recreational intimacy with your spouse, you can sacrifice some other activities, without creating any problem, to be with your spouse.


DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• What are the obstacles that are preventing you from spending more time together with your spouse?
• What steps can you take towards reducing the way they steal from the time you are supposed to spend with each other?

PRAYER
I remove or reduce the effect of any activity that is preventing me from spending quality time with my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU FAIL TO CULTIVATE FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE, YOU ARE ONLY PREPARING FOR A LONELY OLD AGE, BECAUSE BY THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO CULTIVATE THAT FRIENDSHIP. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi