This mindset makes you to see yourself whether male or female as having been assigned to raise up your children without any specific role. There is no specificity of roles in child raising assignment as conflict and other unforeseen circumstances may change your traditional role in the family. In your own family, the husband may be responsible for house rent, school fees, feeding etc, while the wife may be responsible for clothings and other needs of the children. It may be going on that way for several years before something unexpected happens. For instance if your husband loses his job, will the children not go to school again? Something may happen negatively which may make you to add to the assignment you were having in the home before. On the other hand, it may also be on the positive side which may make you as a wife to suddenly start earning beyond your expected level of income. Such positive development may make you to decide as a family to move out of your former home to a more comfortable one or to start building your own. It may also make you to sponsor one or more of your children to a more prestigious school. If it happens that way in your family and you are now even the breadwinner of the home, always remember the following;

It Is Nothing Special.
This mindset will make you to believe that you are not doing anything special if you find yourself in the position of carrying out most or even all the financial responsibilities in the home. In fact, you should thank God that You have the privilege of doing so. If as a husband, your wife can’t work and you are consequently the only one carrying out the responsibilities at home, thank God for the privilege. You should joyfully carry out the responsibilities because it makes you more responsible. It teaches the children that the financial responsibilities at home is neither for the wife nor husband but for either of them

Your New Status Change Must Not Change You.
If your statue changes to make you now the breadwinner of the family, you won’t become bossy if you have the mindset of parental assignment. You won’t become ungovernable as a wife for instance if fortune smiles on you in your business and you become the breadwinner of your family. If as a husband, you find yourself in a position which is higher than what you were before, you won’t throw away your wife that she is no longer befitting to you. When you maltreat your wife or husband just because fortune smiles on you, you will be sending the wrong message to your children that it is not worth it to endure with a spouse to keep a home.

You won’t be complaining about your spouse.
You won’t be complaining about your spouse, especially in the presence of your children just. When as a man, you are fond of complaining about your wife just because you are the breadwinner of the family, it may have a negative effect on the relationship between you and your children. In many cases, the children would feel that you are maltreating their mother and once they are old enough take their mother away to be with them under such pretext like helping them to take care of baby. It may also make your children to hate you because they may feel that you have maltreated their mother.

Don’t make the children to know that roles have changed.
If your spouse has been carrying out a responsibility before but for some understandable reasons, such as job loss or other unexpected challenges makes him unable to continue with it, don’t demonstrate it to your children that you are now the one carrying out the assignment. Just take it on as if it is your role. I know of women that when they want to pay the school fees of their children will tell such a child that it is her husband or both of them paying.


You won’t become ungovernable at home.

There are wives that their husbands can’t control just because providence made them to become the breadwinner of the home. Your new status should not make you to become beyond correction. You should always remember that no man can receive anything except it is given to him from above.

…A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.
(Jn.3:27)

Humility is the hallmark of a true believer in whatever position you may be.


You won’t Indulge Your Children.
Often when God has blessed you, you may have the feeling that whatever you say is the best ideas; you get to a stage that you believe that what your spouse says does not matter. One of the most prominent ways it may affect the family is on the upbringing of your children. When you spouse wants to discipline your children, you may insist that he could not do so because if they are ill, you are the one that will pay hospital bills. If you and your spouse are always not in agreement in the process of the upbringing of your children, your children may become spoilt children due to indulgence.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi

The positive relationship mindset makes you to train your children to only allow friends and significant others in their lives to affect their lives positively. This mindset is reflected in the way you make your children to know that relationship matters. Let them know that the people you relate with in life are some of the most important determinants of your destiny. The friends they relate with matters, whoever they look up to as role model matters, also their partner in marriage is very important. The behavior of any adult is determined by two factors; genetics and environment. In other words, all your behavior is shaped by the genes you inherited from your parents and the people that you interact with as you are growing up which constitutes your environment. Taken that there is not much a child can do about what he has already inherited, the relationships that your children are exposed to may be selectively attended to by you. For instance, you need to be selective about friends they keep especially when they are still at home. Once they leave home, it may be relatively difficult to affect their choice of relationships. Also, you have to pay attention when they are at home because the friends they will keep after leaving home may be determined by the foundation that has been laid for them while at home. Some of the teachings which may be useful at this stage are briefly discussed below:

Friends as Determinants of future well being.
Your future well being may be determined to a large extent by friends you keep and people that you fall under their sphere of influence. If you make them to realize this while they are still under your influence, it will help them in choosing quality friends by the time they leave home. Let them know that friends have great potential to change their outlook on life and their responses and the way they respond to situations. They should therefore know and be able to practice the principle of separation due to destination; that is, if a friend is not going in the same destination with you, it is better to separate from him so that you won’t end up at his own destination.



Friends Should not erase who you are.
Let them know also that they should be real to themselves. They should not try to hide their identity while they are with friends because that may make them susceptible to being negatively influenced. For instance, if your son on gaining admission to the university decides that he doesn’t want his friends to be seeing him always with the Bible so that they would not be teasing him, it is just a matter of time for him to deviate from the Christian foundation which you gave him at home.

Every friend is transient.
Let your child know that friends are transient in nature, none of them is permanent. However close a friend is to you, one day, the juncture of separation will come.
Many of those that he is relating with while at school will fade out at graduation, many of those that do not fade out will lose their relevance once you get married. Friends that last throughout your lifetime are so rare that they are almost non existent. Consequently, while you may encourage good friends who may influence them positively, they need to realize that they should hold themselves responsible for their way of life, they should not allow friends to dictate the way to do things. Their joy or fulfillment should not be dependent on their friends because they are human beings who has the tendency to disappoint though sometimes unknowingly.
You also need to make them to realize that behind many ruined destinies are friends who those lives thought were doing them good.
The only permanent friend friend who will be with you throughout your life and even till eternity is Jesus Christ. It therefore becomes imperative to know him and continually be His friend.

Your Spouse Will Be Your Longest Serving Friend or Enemy.
This mindset will make you to teach your children that the spouse will be their longest serving friend or enemy. This will make them to be careful when time comes to decide about it. Let them know that on the average, they will spend at least two thirds of their entire lifetime with their life partner, if it is so then they have to be careful of their choice of life partner. Since your spouse will be your longest serving friend or foe, it means that if your spouse is a friend, the journey will be a continuous experience of pleasure but if your spouse is an enemy, then you need to be pitied. Consequently, the choice of whom to marry is one of the most important decisions you have to make in life.

Your Friends Should Not Be Regarded As An Extra Tyre.
Most people make use of their friends the way they treat the extra tyre of their car. Hardly do you check the state of your extra tyre until you need it. One day, I had flat tyre on a journey and I remembered immediately that I have an extra tyre in my boot. I confidently opened the boot, but unfortunately though the tyre was there, it had gone flat. Had it been that I occasionally checked on my extra tyre, it would not have disappointed me the way it did that day. You teach them that people that are useful for you should not just be called when you need them, check on their welfare once in a while, so that by the time you need them, they may still be available for you.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi

‘He that hath no rule over his own spirit
is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.'(Prov.25:28)

This mindset makes you to train your child to be in control of his feelings and overcome his weaknesses. It will make him to own up in his areas of weaknesses and avoid blaming others for his own errors. A self disciplined person will become a force to reckon with in life.
Self disciplined mindset will make you to emphasize the following to your children;
• There is Consequence for Wrong decisions.
Your child should be made to know that just as there is reward for good behavior, there is consequence for wrong decisions. He should be made to deliberately work on himself from going against set rules even when it is inconvenient for him to do so.

• Let her understand the golden rule.
Your children should be made to know that it is wrong for them to do unto other what they would not like to be recipients of. Let them know that if you are doing unto others what you don’t want them to do to you, you are either being outrightly wicked or a hypocrite.

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matt.7:12)

A lot of the wickedness going on in the world today is going on because the perpetrators of those evils are not putting themselves in the shoes of those they are dealing with. Teach your child to ask himself how he would feel if what he is about doing to another person is done to him. Any child trained with such consciousness will not deliberately hurt another person.



• Instructions must be followed.
Let them know that unless permission to differ has been sought and received, instructions once given must be followed. Every human being want to be independent but the independence is often the bane of a lot of so much wrongdoing in the world. Let your child know that as much as he may want to do things his own way there must be boundaries to keep.

• Own up when wrong.
One of the major problems in the society today is that of people that instead of owing up for wrongdoing they are always looking for excuses. Anyone who gives excuse for wrongdoing will still do the same thing and even worse later in the future. Persistent looking for excuses is one of the life features of irresponsible people, there is need for your children to grow up and become responsible adults.

• Forgo present consumption to invest in the future.
Delayed gratification is one habit that makes people to be able to invest so as to reap multiple fruits in the future. Anyone who is always thinking about consumption may not amount to anything significant in the future. Consequently, every parent who has the self disciplined mindset will be mindful of making their children to learn how to forgo present pleasures to direct their resources to future gratifications.

• Let him understand due process and avoid shortcuts.
Avoiding due process is a feature of people who are not self disciplined. There is therefore the need for you to train your child to go through due process. If there is any free meal somewhere, then, someone must have paid for it. In other words, there is really no free meal anywhere. If someone encourage you to play lottery and you win instantly, just know that the fabulous amount you have won must have been used to play by numerous people who also played, hoping to win but did not. If you because you won today get encouraged to play more, all the money you a have won, and more will be given back to the lottery company! Many people get addicted to such habits of looking for quick money because they can’t follow the due process of working to get money. Train them not to jump queues, those on the line are not fools!

• Let him understand that there is time for everything.
Part of self disciplined lifestyle which you need to imbibe in your children is to do the right thing at the right time. When you do the right thing at the wrong time, you will most likely get wrong results; at the same time, when you do the wrong thing at the right time, you will still be wrong. That is why the scriptures in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, it is stated;

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;…



Your relationship with your wife serves as the laboratory where to demonstrate the practice of so many of the godly values that you may wish to teach your children..
Dr. Mike Oluniyi

This mindset requires you to love your children; that appears to be quite obvious but the love must be genuine love. A lot of ways in which we try to demonstrate love to our children aren’t really love. For instance, many of us whose some of our children occupies a special position in our family tend to overindulge such children to demonstrate our love to them, without knowing that we are actually destroying their future. Such special positions include first or only son, only female, child that came late or a special period of our lives.

• Love but it should not prevent you from taking hard decisions.
Genuine love mindset makes you to combine favorable affectionate disposition with firmness in parenting. Such a mindset makes it possible for you to take hard decisions despite the fact that you love your children. A major tragedy in parenting today is that many parents destroy the future of their children in the process of ‘showing love’ to them because the love prevented them from taking hard decisions when they should have taken it.
Hard decisions are good decisions that are not popular due to the sacrifice involved but you are ready to take it even if other members of the family don’t understand now. Sometimes, even your spouse may not really understand initially why you are taking such hard decisions but you know it is in the best interest of the family. For instance, as a comfortable parent who has several cars and can even afford to buy another new one, you must take the hard decision of not giving your underaged child the possession of a car even if he has learnt how to drive. You really don’t love him genuinely if you release a car to him because you may inadvertently be handing over to him something that may lead to his sudden death or make him to become maimed for life. However rich you are, you also have to make the decision of limiting the amount of money you release to your child because you may be destroying his life.

Traveling out of the country is always an attractive option for the Youth and even their parents. Most parents will do anything to encourage their children to travel, including spending huge sums of money. This is so because people that travel out appear more comfortable than those at home. Many parents will also do anything to be able to get to a position where they can tell their friends that they are traveling abroad to visit their children. As a parent however, you may need to take the hard decision of preventing your child from traveling when opportunity presents itself but he or she has not got the necessary educational qualifications or he is too young to live an independent life because it may be tantamount to throwing that child away.

• As much as you love your child, don’t spare him the rod of correction.

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
(Heb.12:11)


Another area in which you have to demonstrate the mindset of genuine love is in the area of discipline. Many parents, especially for those children that occupy special position in their lives find it difficult to discipline or correct them when thy err. In such situation, you don’t really love the child because at the end of the day, a child that can not be corrected will grow up into adulthood, believing that he must have his way all the time. Such a wife will find it difficult being subject to a man. Such husband too will also find it difficult to keep a home because there is a limit to how a wife to cope with a husband who forever believes that the opinion of others don’t matter. Such home becomes a difficult marriage.
If you don’t discipline a child because you don’t want him to cry, you will cry with him later when the effect of your laxity is reflected.

• As much as you love your child, let him value labour.
Many parents, especially the affluent ones protect their children from labour forgetting that even the scriptures establish it that man must labour. In the scriptures we are made to understand that God whom we are made in His image works!

And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.(Gen.2:2)

If God works, how will you think that you are helping the life of your child by not making him to work?

Also in the book of Proverbs 22:29;

Seest thou a man diligent in his business?
he shall stand before kings;
he shall not stand before mean men.

Right from the time that your child is young, give him work to do at home and make him to value it. When you make a child to grow up totally dependent on the maid who cooks, washes and carry out every instructions from him, you are raising up an adult who may become a problem for everyone in relationship with him in the future. Though it is believed that cooking is in the preserve of women, you must still teach your boys to cook because such skills will be needed in the future in situations when his wife may not be in position to cook for him for a season maybe because she travelled or is ill. Your girl should likewise be taught how to iron clothes, even that of men because she will definitely need the skill somewhere along later on in life. Let them actually enjoy any labour that they may have to do.

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. (2Thess.3:6-12)



• As much as you love your child, let him learn.
Often, parents apparently out of love for their children indulge them so much that it affects their learning opportunities. Don’t be such a parent, ensure that you don’t indulge him to the extent of missing school or Sunday school at will. Present opportunities that will make him to learn new skills because every knowledge will be useful in life at one point or the other.

• As much as you love your child, don’t allow him to take advantage of others.
Teach your children to avoid taking advantage of others. The vulnerability of others should not be exploited for a selfish advantage by your child.

• As much as you love your child, let him experience inconveniences.
Don’t allow your child to always have his way as it may make him to become a problem for people that he will be relating with in the future. He should know that Yes is not always the answer to every request. He must learn that “No” as well as “Wait” are also answers that should be acceptable to him as he relates with people.

• As much as you love your child, let him grow up
There are men and women that though they are physically matured, they are unfortunately emotionally children. It is a problem that comes up when you love a child so much that you don’t allow him to experience the process of growth which involves taking decisions and going through the consequences of those decisions whether good or bad. There are adults who are physically matured but not emotionally so, as evidenced by their unwillingness to take responsibilities and the inability to maintain poise under serious situations. It is a faulty mindset, if you believe that every mess created by your child should be taken care of by someone else, just because you can afford to do so. Such children may grow up to be adults who will not be able to stand on their own without being supported. Dr. Mike Oluniyi

‘Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Go (Gal.6:7-9)

The sowing mindset in parenting makes you to teach your children the necessity of sowing into the life of others. Really as a farmer, you cannot expect to reap if you have not sown. One great tragedy in the world today is that many individuals are striving to reap when they have not sown and it is leading to so many vices that the human society is battling with. Some of such vices are laziness, stealing and all forms of corruption. These vices are prevalent because we have many who does not seem to know that there is no free meal anywhere: whenever it appears as if you are getting something free, there is someone somewhere who had earlier sowed. There are three vital areas of sowing which your child must learn.
• You must sow spiritually to God and in the life of others. Sowing spiritually unto God means spending time to fellowship with God towards the development of an intimate relationship. Sowing spiritually into the lives of others means that the spiritual welfare of others is important to you. Teach your children to remember others in their own prayers as it is a way of sowing into the lives of others.
• You must sow materially to God and into the life of others. Sowing materially unto God is all about being ready to commit your resources to the advancement of the gospel. The starting point of being ready to sow materially into kingdom matters is the faithful payment of your tithe, your bountiful offerings and commitment to kingdom projects.

But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
(2Cor.9:6)

There is also the need to sow materially into the life of others especially widows, orphans and generally the needy around us.

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.
(Jam.1:27)

For instance, if you have a maid who will serve you for a fairly long time, you may sow into her life by enrolling her in a school or making her to learn a trade which will make her to be useful for herself in the future. What you have sowed into such life will attract rich harvest later probably not from only just from that maid but in other people helping your own children somewhere along the journey of their lives when such help will be needed.

• You must sow time in service to God and others. How much of your time can you spend for God and for others. The mindset of reaping from sowing will make you to let your children know that their time is not only for them. They must be taught that they should invest a considerable percentage of their time in service to God and others. Many Christians will come to church only on Sundays, and even then never punctually. Apart from that, they are not ready to sacrifice their time for Bible study, prayers, evangelism and other church assignments. They are also not available for visitation. Even if the nature of your work will not allow you to take part in assignments during the week, what of when you are on leave?

• You must sow your talent to God and others.

You must let them know through your own demonstration that they need to often sow their talent by using it without expecting to be remunerated. Any talent which you use freely for the expansion of God’s kingdom is bound to become more impactful.


SEVEN FACTS YOU MUST TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SOWING AND REAPING.

• Sowing is not usually easy.
Everyone wants to reap but only few are ready to sow because it is not easy to part with your hard earned money, sacrifice your time or make use of your talent freely. However this mindset makes you to teach your children that every farmer goes through some hard work in the process of sowing. A farmer who refuses to sow when others are sowing will have himself to blame because there will be nothing for such a farmer to reap.

• Often, people you sow into their lives may not be the ones to pay back.
It is important to let your children know that they should not expect those they sow into their lives to pay back. Often, people you sow into their lives will be ungrateful to you later, but that should not prevent you from sowing into other people’s lives. Many of the people you sow into their lives will definitely be grateful and will want to pay back in the future but you should not be disappointed if you discover that some of them will actually become antagonistic
towards you. This reality must not prevent you from sowing into the lives of others.

• You will harvest in the order of the seed you sow.
Let your children know that whatsoever you sow is what you will reap. If while you were young, you get yourself involved in activities that make others to cry, your days of crying are definitely coming.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.(Gal.6:7-9)

This is a spiritual law that is constant. Of recent, I started noticing something; everyone of those I knew to belong to a cult or other violent groups while they were younger, something went wrong with their lives by the time they grew up; one of them was gunned down during his wedding ceremony, several others never had unsettled homes, many never seem to be able to hold on to a job, several died suddenly at the hand of rival could groups etc. Somehow, they reaped what they had earlier sown in life. The law of sowing and reaping is a reality of life which you will be doing your children a lot of good by pointing them to.

• Reaping is often intangible.
Let them know that what one fact that makes many people not to sow is that reaping is often intangible. When you are sowing, you feel it but you don’t really know immediately when you start reaping. It is often later that you will realize or it may even be another person who has insight that will point your attention to the fact that the favour you are experiencing is the harvest of what you had earlier sown into the lives of others. In other words, the nature of reaping may not necessarily be physical, it may not something to be held physically but it is real.

• Often, sowing appears stupid due to easier alternatives.
I remember the time I was about to go to the university, I was already a draughtsman making some money from drawing building plans. My colleagues then were wondering why I would go and spend several years in the university when I could easily be making more money by continuing with my trade. To them, it was a foolish decision but I stuck to my guns and to the glory of God, I later overtook all of them later on in life. You must let your children know that the time of sowing is often time that others will see as being foolishly spent but if you are persistent, the time of reaping will come and those who felt that you were wasting time will see the testimony of reaping in your life.
If you are paying tithe unto God, there are very likely other people who are believers that will make you to feel stupid doing it.

• You will actually lose something by sowing, but the harvest will be greater.
Just as the crops harvested can not be compared with the seed sown, what you harvest through sowing cannot be compared with what you have lost while sowing.

• Reaping what you sow actually transcends your own generation.
In a way that no one actually understand how it happens, I’ve discovered that whatever you sow may be reaped not by you only but by your children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren.


…for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;(Ex.20:5)

When you remember that the fruit of what you are sowing today will be reaped beyond your generation, you are very likely to sow seeds that it’s fruit will benefit your children and also admonish your children to do likewise.


• There is appointed time for sowing and reaping.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;…
(Eccl.3:1-8)

Every farmer knows that there is a right time to sow, if you fail to sow at that time, you will suffer lack in the future. If you don’t sow at appointed time, there will be a similarity between you and the one who did not sow at all. You must teach your children that they must invest their time, talent and treasure at the right time. If you finish your secondary education with good grades but get attracted to a job that appears to be paying well instead of pursuing your higher education; or get married prematurely because you were lured into it, a time will come in the future when you will realize that the best time to pursue higher education is when you are young. By the time it dawns on you that there is a place for education which money cannot fill, it may be too late to acquire education at that time.
Another way of looking at it is that your children must be made to realize that there is season of reaping in the life of everyone. If for instance you are working with someone who is at the reaping phase of his life, don’t be envious of that person. If you are envious, it may discourage you from sowing towards your own future harvest. When you are serving a master that is prosperous, don’t out of envy refuse to continue serving, your service to such man who is in his season of reaping is just your own sowing, not just towards the reaping of that man but into your own future season of reaping.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi.