Main text: Eph.4:31&32

Memory:
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.(Eph.4:32)

If you desire a healthy home, there are certain traits you should ensure that you never cultivate in your relationship. If such traits are in you, they will
serve as obstacles to forgiveness. Some of these are discussed below.
Pride.
The presence of pride in your life may make it difficult for you to forgive your spouse. Pride makes you to either have an exaggerated view of yourself or an underestimated view of your spouse and that generally leads to several problems that may serve as roadblocks to
forgiveness. One of the major problems caused by pride is inability to
apologize. Your acknowledgement of fault and the ability to apologize
to your spouse go a long way towards opening the way for
forgiveness.
External Advice.
There are always many unsolicited counselors who often serve as roadblocks to forgiveness in the home. Under normal circumstances, most problems can be sorted out between spouses. You and your spouse understand the situation and circumstances surrounding most
things happening in your home more than anyone, including
members of your extended family. A lot of homes have been shipwrecked because of wrong counsel from outsiders who appeared
to be sympathizing with them. God’s plan for couples is that any other person, is an outsider.(Matt.19:5)
Often, you may become so
rigid on issues because of the external counsels you have received.
Rigidity makes it difficult to shift ground and reach a compromise
when the need arises.
Lack of Communication.
Once communication breaks down in the home, any small problem
becomes a great one. Some of the measures that improve
communication in the home include doing things in common, sleeping on the same bed, eating and bathing together and having common
hobbies that will make you to be dependent on each other. Once you are dependent on each other, you will discover that you will not be able to keep malice or do without each other for a considerable length
of time.

Lack of depth in the Word of God.
It may be a great obstacle to forgiveness if you lack depth in the word of God or you deliberately disobey the truth you already know. If you
are a child of God and you study the life of Jesus, you should not really find it difficult to forgive your spouse or anyone else when offended. (Lk.23:24;Rom.5:8)

The life of Jesus was a perfect example for us on the subject of forgiveness. When you lack the knowledge of his perspectives on it or you find it difficult to practice it, you may not forgive.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
* What are the greatest obstacles to forgiveness in between you and your spouse?
* How may you remove those obstacles?

PRAYER
My father and my God, I receive grace to remove every obstacle that may be acting as barrier against forgiveness in my relationship with my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
PRIDE MAKES YOU TO HAVE EITHER AN EXAGGERATED VIEW OF YOURSELF OR AN UNDERESTIMATED VIEW OF YOUR SPOUSE LEADING TO SEVERAL PROBLEMS THAT MAY SERVE AS ROADBLOCKS TO FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Main Text. Prov. 4:7-9
Memory:
Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.(Prov.4:7)

Your spouse is the most significant person in your life. Your relationship with him or her is the most significant relationship that you will ever be involved in. Any problem with the relationship is bound to have a negative impact on your life, his or her own life, your children and the society at large. Consequently, it is not a relationship to be treated lightly. Since it is not possible for you not to offend each other, it is good for you to know some of the steps that can be taken to facilitate forgiveness.

Avoid Instant Reaction.
Time heals all wounds. If you allow some time to lapse before your reaction, what initially appeared to be a major problem might
have reduced to a level you will find it easier to forgive.
Avoid Third Parties.
As much as possible, the matter should be between the two of
you. The severity of the pain which an offense inflicts
on your memory mellows down with time. Over time, serious offences may actually
start getting smaller and smaller, but if others are involved, it remains big or even often becomes bigger. A lot of decisions that will be taken in the home are decisions that have to be taken personally under God’s guidance because however knowledgeable an outsider is about your home, he or she does not
know the whole story.

Seek An Explanation.
Hearing out your spouse’s own view goes a long way to resolving issues because you might have been looking at the matter from different angles.
Seek To Understand.
You should really listen to your spouse with a view to understanding
the factors behind what he or she has done. Try to understand his
or her own point of view.
Accept Apologies.
If your spouse offers apology, you should be ready to accept it, no
matter how grievous the offence may appear to be. Though you may feel
better in the short run holding grudges, forgiveness heals the soul and keeps your home firmly where God, the author of marriage, wants it
to be.
Accept Your Own Fault.
You are likely to discover if you are sincere, that you
are not really perfect. If in any way there is a fault on your side and you readily acknowledge it, you may find it easier to forgive the fault of your spouse.

Forgive Completely.
We must learn to sincerely forgive, and when we do, it should be total.
There should be no reference to the issue again.
Forgive In Advance.
It is possible to make up your mind that whatever your
spouse does in the future to offend you, you will forgive. If you have done this, it becomes easy to actualize the commitment when the
offense comes.

If your spouse is the most important person in your life, and there is no way to avoid offenses in your relationship, wisdom demands that you take necessary steps before matters get out of hand.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
* How easy is it for you to apologize when you err?
* Can you really apologize when you are right?
* Is there anybody whom you must inform when your spouse has offended you? What are the problems which may arise if a third party is involved?

PRAYER
May I never be tired of making the first move towards forgiveness whenever there is offense in my home in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR SPOUSE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP, BE READY TO FORGIVE! – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Main Text. Ephesians 4:20-27
Memory:
“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.(Eph.4:26-27)

There are several implications of unforgiveness in marriage. Some are mild, making the home less blissful than expected of a godly marriage.
Some other implications are so deadly that they can simply kill the marriage. These implications include:
Lack of Joy.
When you harbor resentment as a result of unforgiveness, joy
is far from you. In such situation, you are easily irritated, and what you would hardly see as an offense suddenly becomes a major issue.
Low Productivity.
Your level of productivity either in secular or spiritual matters reduces drastically while you harbor unforgiveness. Your heart does extra work leading to premature tiredness which affects the amount of work you are able to do.
Your Heart Becomes the Devil’s Workshop.
When you fail to forgive, hatred sets in, since you are not likely to nurture good thoughts towards someone you have not forgiven. One major problem concerning the whole scenario is that the evil thought you have towards your unforgiven spouse is even a sin. Don’t forget that no sinner has a portion in the kingdom of God.
Retaliation.
When you fail to forgive, you are likely to be thinking on how to retaliate in a way that will even the score or even tilt the balance in a devastating manner. The consequence is that you will end up
complicating the matter. (Rom.12:19)
Health Problems.
There’s no how you can successfully harbor unforgiveness without
impairing your health. The work that your heart does in one hour may be equivalent to what it would have done in one day under normal circumstances. This invariably leads to health complications. Many women have become psychiatric patients as a result of unforgiveness while many men have become alcoholics. Shortened life and ruined
destinies usually follow impaired health.
Separation/ Divorce.
Most of the conflicts that led to separation or divorce would not have ended that way if the spouses concerned had cultivated the spirit of forgiveness. When there is a conflict, the problem will initially appear so big. If we don’t caution our reactions, however big the problem may appear, and make up our mind that our marriage is meant to last for a lifetime, the problem may gradually deteriorate into a divorce. Apart from physical divorce, unforgiveness breeds spiritual, emotional and social divorce.
Unanswered Prayers.
As a couple, you have a joint-account with God. Your prayers are speedily attended to when you agree together as a couple. When there is a crisis at home and you pray to God, you are like someone going to the bank to withdraw from a joint account without the
signature of his or her joint signatory. (Mal.2:10-13).
Unanswered prayers, frustration and low productivity in spiritual matters which may eventually lead to eternal damnation are some of the major consequences of inability to forgive your spouse. Do not let the sun go down on your anger as our scripture for today counsels, forgive your spouse.
Discussion Points With Your Spouse
* What is that offense that you will not be able to forgive your spouse?
* How will you feel if you offend your spouse and he / she refuses to forgive?

PRAYER
Father, I receive the grace to forgive my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
THE IMPLICATIONS OF UNFORGIVENESS ARE SO DEADLY THAT THEY CAN KILL ANY MARRIAGE.

Main Text. Matt.18:21-35

Memory:
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. (‭Matt.18:22)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Offenses are inevitable in marriage. However deeply in love you and your spouse are, you will offend each other. So, if your spouse has disappointed you by doing something that you never expected, don’t think you are alone; others also experience it. One important rule in marriage appears to be; ‘Thou shall be offended.’ If you must offend each other and your marriage vows is ’till death do us part’, it follows that having a peaceful home requires you to have the ability to forgive. In fact someone defined marriage as “two forgivers living together” There are several reasons why you need to forgive.

The first one is that there are worse cases than what your spouse has done. You may not really need to look far before you discover worse things that someone else’s spouse has done. They are together because they have learnt to forgive.

Second, think about the implications of a broken home. The devastating effect of broken home on either of the partners as well as the children and the society at large makes it imperative for you to forgive.

Thirdly, if you really put yourself in the position of your spouse and understand the underlying causes, you might have done something worse than what your spouse did.

Fourthly, ask yourself ‘What will God want me to do?’ However offended you are, if you ask yourself this question, the answer will most likely point to forgiveness.

Fifthly, when you refuse to forgive and allow the offense to linger, the conflict gets more and more complex. That is why you are counseled in the scriptures;

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.and at a stage may become so complicated and lead to either separation or divorce. (Eph.4:26-27)

Next reason, God does not forgive unforgivers;
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. (‭Matt.6:12)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬
It is clear from the above scripture that when you have been offended by your spouse and you refuse to forgive, it is just a way of telling God that you don’t need His forgiveness.

Finally, you and your children may not be able to afford the consequences of a broken home, which is what unforgiveness ultimately leads to.

So, the challenge for you today from the Word of God is: Forgive, because the implications of unforgiveness is grave on your marriage and your walk with God.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Can you remember how many times your spouse has offended you since you got married?
* Can you remember the times you’ve offended your spouse too?
* Are there any offenses yet to be forgiven? Why?

PRAYER
Lord, I receive the grace to forgive my spouse of whatever offense he/she might have committed against me in Jesus’ name.
(505 words)

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO FORGIVE OFFENSES, THEN, YOU DON’T NEED TO GET MARRIED.

Main Text. 1Cor.10:8-13
Memory.
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1Cor.10:13)

Why do you need to have self discipline in sex matters? The following are some of the reasons why it is vital.

The scriptures commands it.
In the Old as well as New Testaments, the scriptures strictly warn against sexual immorality (Ex.20:18; 1Cor.6:18). You should always remember that the most important requirement for a life of impact with God is obedience. If you call yourself a child of God, you are simply deceiving yourself if you are not obedient.

The covenant of marriage demands it.
The covenant of marriage is a very powerful covenant. In it, before God and His church, you have given yourself over to your husband or wife and to no one else. If you are not self disciplined, there is no way that you will not break this covenant. If you know the meaning of covenant and the fact that God takes covenant breaking so seriously, you will avoid extramarital affairs by all means. (Rom.1:29-32)

Your spiritual development demands it.
If you are not self disciplined, sometimes your spouse will deny you sex and you will do things that will draw you back in your spiritual development. Immorality is one of the greatest sources of spiritual stuntedness in the life of many.

Your health demands it.
If you are not self disciplined, you may expose yourself and your spouse to a wide range of health challenges. AIDS and other devastating contagious sexually transmitted diseases may be contracted through illicit sexual affairs.

Fairness to your spouse demands it.
Can you imagine discovering your spouse cheating on you? If you will not feel good about it, you should put yourself in the position of your spouse whenever you are tempted and be fair to him / her. So, fairness to your spouse demands that you should be self disciplined about sexual temptations.

Commitment to those you lead demands it.
If you are a responsible leader you must be able to teach your followers the right principles through your own way of life. Consequently, your commitment to those you lead demands that you discipline yourself in sexual matters.

Your desire to finish strong demands it.
Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: …(Eccl.7:8)

Heavenly rewards are reserved for those who are able to deny themselves of unrighteous gratifications which the devil brings through diverse temptations in the process of walking with God (2Tim.4:7&8). So, you need self discipline because finishing strong demands it.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Never be too sure that you can’t fall into sexual immorality! You have your unguarded moments which the devil may capitalize on. What are some steps which you feel you need to take so that you don’t fall?
• Do you feel there is anything your spouse is doing which may expose him/ her to sexual temptations?

PRAYER
I receive the grace for self discipline so that I will never fall into sexual immorality in Jesus’ name.
(568 words)

QUOTABLE QUOTE
THE COST OF IMMORALITY ON YOUR MARRIAGE IS SO HIGH THAT YOU MAY NOT FINISH PAYING IT THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFETIME. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi