You Must Learn To Live With The Weakness Or The Imperfections Of Your Spouse.

Main text: 2 Cor.12:7-10

Memory:

2 Corinthians 12:9

‘And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’

Think about your spouse very well; it is very likely that there is something in him or her you would not have put, if you were God that created him or her.

There is no perfect wife neither is there any perfect husband anywhere. For you to have a successful marriage, there must be an imperfection that you have to live with in your spouse. If you see any ‘perfect’ couple, the success in their home is not as a result of absence of weaknesses in either or both of the spouses but as a result of having learnt to live with those traits in their spouse that they don’t like.

Maybe as a lady, you hate someone who snores, but as you slept after your wedding you heard the sound of snoring as if a trailer is ascending a hill, what will you do? If it is particularly difficult for your spouse to stop snoring, it will be better for snoring to become sweet music that lures you to sleep. If you don’t, you will definitely not enjoy your marriage.

Some imperfections may actually be a blessing in disguise. God can use the weak things of the world to achieve great things.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to

confound the wise … (1 Cor. 1:27-29)

You will be doing yourself a great deal of good if you can learn to live with the weakness or imperfection in your spouse. Come to think of it, there is also one in you, being accommodated by your spouse. Many homes have broken down because of intolerance. The unfortunate part of it is that if you allow your home to collapse as a result of it, your next spouse will not have the same imperfection but will definitely have her own which may be worse than the one you tried to avoid. That’s the reason why many end up having several marriages in their single lifetime.

The following are some of the reasons why many fail to accept the imperfections of their spouses:

1. They are yet to realize that they themselves are not perfect.

2. They are into extra-marital affairs.

3. They are comparing their spouse with someone else.

4. They are regretting marrying their spouse.

5. They are having the erroneous impression that their friend’s spouse is perfect.

6. They fail to realize that what they abhor in their spouse may actually be a blessing in disguise.

7. Unforgiveness.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Is there any area of imperfection in your spouse that you are yet to accept?

• What do you think is making it difficult for you to accept it?

• What is the imperfection that you have been able to perfectly adjust to in your spouse?

PRAYER

I receive the grace to perfectly accept my spouse without any reservations in Jesus name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

IF YOU DIVORCE YOUR SPOUSE BECAUSE OF A PROBLEM WHICH YOU DISCOVERED IN HER, THE ‘ANGEL’ THAT WILL REPLACE HER WILL NOT COME IN WITH THAT PARTICULAR PROBLEM BUT WITH A BRAND NEW SET OF PROBLEMS – Mike Oluniyi.

DAY 10

ANY ALTERNATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE IS DEADLY TO YOUR HOME

Text: Matt.19:5-6.

Memory:

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt. 19:5-6)

An alternative attraction is a member of the opposite sex from whom you derive part or whole of the pleasure that you are supposed to derive from your spouse.

In the life of a marriage, either spouse must interact with members of the opposite sex. In the process of interacting with others, temptation comes; something catches your attention about a member of the opposite sex. Sometimes it is immediate, but most of the time it happens as you continue to work closely with them, share personal experiences with them or something brings you close to them often. Often, it happens quite innocently as the person you are attracted to does not have the intention of seducing you but at other times, there is a deliberate attempt to do so. Once you are affected, your spouse gradually becomes less attractive to you. Ultimately, such alternative attraction goes beyond ordinary help and goes into sexual involvement which becomes really deadly to your home.

Some of the men who have been involved in extramarital affairs may claim to still be attracted to their wives despite their affairs. The truth is that when you are initially involved in an affair, you may still be considering your spouse and home but you will get to a stage when you become so used to it that you will throw caution to the winds, damn any apparent consequences, and in fact do everything possible to do away with your spouse. Some of the things that cheating spouses do are as follows:

1. They tell lies to cover their tracks and when the one they told before is about to be exposed they manufacture a bigger one.

2. Their interest in the welfare of their spouse reduces with time.

3. Their relationship with God gets negatively impacted.

4. They become gradually ready to do away with anyone, including their spouse, who opposes their plan.

5. They waste a lot of resources that could have been spent or invested on their family on the alternative attraction.

6. They tend to forget the good side of their spouse and remember only the ugly side of their spouse. At a stage, they either abandon their home or do anything possible to drive out their spouse.

7. They tend to become closer to people they were not close to before, such as members of their family, who support such moves they are making.

Once there is an alternative attraction, your sweetheart who you could not do without may become the devil who you have to do away with by all means. If you want to make your marriage successful, avoid getting involved in a relationship with the opposite sex. Don’t start it at all, because once started, it may be very difficult to break.

Any alternative to your spouse is deadly to your home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

PRAYER

May I never be involved in digging grave for my marriage by having an alternative attraction to my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

ONCE THERE IS ALTERNATIVE ATTRACTION, YOUR SPOUSE BECOMES LESS ATTRACTIVE TO YOU. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

DAY 9

REASONS WHY MANY FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SACRIFICE FOR THEIR HOME

Text. 1Cor.4:6-7.

Memory:

For who makes you differ from another? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? (1Cor.4:7)

Many of us find it extremely difficult to sacrifice relationships, resources, time and pleasure to keep our homes because of some reasons, some of them are:

LACK OF TRUST- For many, they have been disappointed by their spouse in the past, so they find it difficult to sacrifice anything for the spouse. If you have been disappointed in the past and your spouse has apologized, why don’t you forgive and build up trust again? The journey of marriage is so long that you can’t afford to go on with lack of trust, you simply won’t enjoy it.

INSECURITY- Often, the reason why many can’t sacrifice is insecurity. Maybe the spouse of a friend of yours treated your friend badly or maybe all your husband’s siblings have an uncomfortable trend in their family and you are now having the feeling that your own spouse may also do the same thing. The fact that someone else’s spouse did something bad does not mean your own spouse will do the same thing. If the two of you believe in the efficacy of prayer, a trend that has been playing out in the family for generations can stop with your own spouse.

IGNORANCE- Often, many ignorantly fail to put things in proper perspective, and thus fail to establish the fact that their home take precedence over any other consideration. When you are ignorant of this fact, it prevents you from making the necessary sacrifices to keep your home.

LACK OF COMMITMENT- When you are not committed to your home as a result of alternative attraction, you may find it difficult to sacrifice anything to keep your home. In fact, many that are in illicit relationship, apart from inability to sacrifice, won’t even mind if their home collapses. It is often after it happens that they discover their folly.

WRONG COUNSEL- Behind the ruins or the breakdown of many homes is the wrong counsel received from friends. When a friend is advising you against doing something that can keep your home going, you need to evaluate such counsel before implementing it.

Except when your spouse has been unrepentantly and evidently unfaithful to his or her marital vows, there are at least three reasons why you must be ready to sacrifice:

1. You don’t really own anything separately; all you have are jointly owned by the two of you.

2. If you hold on to it while your home suffers, you are not faithful to your marital vows.

3. If you fail to sacrifice that thing and your home breaks down, what you are holding on to will not give you fulfillment.

If you love your home, you must be ready to sacrifice anything for it; that will definitely be less expensive than losing your home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Do you find it difficult to trust your spouse? Why?

QUOTABLE QUOTE

SACRIFICE WHATEVER YOU NEED TO SACRIFICE TO KEEP YOUR HOME; DIVORCE OR SEPARATION WILL DEFINITELY BE MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE. – Dr. Ike Oluniyi.

DAY 8

WHAT WILL YOU NOT BE ABLE TO SACRIFICE FOR YOUR HOME?

Text. 1Cor.4:6-7.

Memory:

For who makes you differ from another? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? (1Cor.4:7)

Anyone who is determined to keep his or her home must be ready to put his partner first before considering his own convenience. On many occasions, you may have to sacrifice something that is dear to you just for you to keep your home. Some of the areas in which you may likely be required to sacrifice are considered below:

PLEASURE

You may discover that what gives you pleasure may be detestable to your spouse, and if you keep on indulging in it, you may be putting a wedge in the crack in the wall of your home making the crack wider with time. As a husband, you may need to suspend buying your dream car for a greater need in the home.

TIME

Many men are so busy that they can’t afford to spend time with their family. Agreed, there are some professions demanding so much time from people. If you are really committed to your home, there must be a way of doing it just to be able to sacrifice some time for your family and find it a pleasure to be with them. Some men are so used to spending time away from home that even during their annual leave, when they are supposed to make it up for the family, they will still rather be with their friends.

Every unit of time you spend with your spouse is a wise investment.

RELATIONSHIPS

It may be the relationship between you and a friend that you have to sacrifice if it is competing with peace in your marriage. If your spouse is not comfortable with a particular friend of yours, you may need to pause and reconsider your friendship with that person, as there must be a reason why he/she is not comfortable with your friend. If you allow your home to break because of a friend, you will realize to your regrets later that the place of your spouse cannot be filled by your friend.

RESOURCES

You may be required to sacrifice a considerable amount of money or other resources towards assisting your spouse to achieve a goal which will eventually be beneficial to the family. There are women for instance who will not think of assisting their husband while he is putting up the building which will eventually be used by the family. The mistake such women make is that they will not have record of any contribution towards the building of that home in future.

If you love your home, you must be ready to sacrifice anything for it, because it will definitely be less expensive than losing the home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Are there some things so dear to you that you may not be able to sacrifice if they are competing with the well-being of your home?

• How will you feel if there is a friend whose influence on your home is negative and your spouse refused to do something about it?

PRAYER

LORD, I acquire wisdom to love my home enough to be ready to sacrifice anything to keep it in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

IF SOMETHING IS TOO PRECIOUS FOR YOU TO SACRIFICE FOR YOUR HOME, BY THE TIME YOUR HOME BREAKS, YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF SELF DECEPTION. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

DAY 7

NAKEDNESS IN MARRIAGE.

Text: Gen.2:24-25

Memory:

‘And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed’ (Gen. 2:25)

Nakedness in marriage is about being open to each other, or the deliberate habit of not hiding anything from your spouse. Your spouse should be your greatest confidant, to whom you must cultivate the habit of communicating. As a man, you must cultivate the habit of listening to your spouse even if what she is saying appears unreasonable. It is a dangerous thing for your marriage that you become so busy that you don’t have time to sit down and share your joy, fear and anxiety with you spouse. Unless in exceptional cases, especially for ministers of God, secrets are not for couples because whatever you tell the husband is likely and must be communicated to the spouse. You must in fact make up your mind to ensure that you open up to your spouse in every situation you find yourself. Such a habit reduces tension in your life.

Everyone has some ugly past, and it is better to let your spouse know your own before he or she discovers it. Also, when you commit an error, the best person to confide in is your spouse. He or she may initially be disappointed but under normal circumstances, there are a lot of implications which your spouse will consider but which another person may not think about before exposing you.

Another vital area to be naked about is the area of finance. Often women ask, should we keep joint account with our spouse? Men also often ask whether it is reasonable for you to let your wife know how much you are earning. Except in extreme cases of abuse, the answer to the two questions will be Yes! There’s nothing wrong with your spouse knowing what you are earning, it is even good for you to keep common purse. However, even where it is not possible to keep a common purse, you will save your home a lot of misunderstandings if you can strive to be open to your spouse generally about your finances.

Following are some of the merits of being naked to each other:

1. Nakedness reduces the rate of suspicion as it increases trust.

2. Nakedness makes joint planning to be easier and it reduces wastage.

3. Nakedness reduces tension in your life.

4. Nakedness reduces the tendency to tell lies.

5. Nakedness is a reflection of personal spiritual growth.

6. Nakedness is a reflection of a life of faithfulness to marital vows.

7. Nakedness makes spiritual battles to be easy for couples to fight as there is no hiding place.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Are there still areas where you find it difficult to open up to your spouse? Why?

PRAYER

LORD let me build up enough trust to be able to open up to my spouse in every area of life in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

WHEN YOU ARE HIDING FROM YOUR SPOUSE, IT IS EITHER YOU HAVE LOST TRUST IN YOUR SPOUSE OR YOU ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.