Main Text.1Cor.13:4-7.

Memory:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; (1Cor.13:4)

It is always better to be proactive about sexual problems in your marriage. In other words, do everything you can to prevent those problems because you never know the extent of the damage it may cause in your home. In this session, we are going to look at some of the proactive steps which may be taken.

* Love your spouse.
Love appears to be the most important ingredient that can solve most problems in marriage, including sexual problems. When you love your spouse, you are not likely to deliberately do anything to disappoint him/ her ordinarily including the denial of sex. On the other hand, if you love your spouse, when you are denied of sex, you will treat the matter with understanding. At least, you may be sympathetic to the cause of the denial, thereby avoiding overreaction.

* Avoid physical distance between you and your spouse.
Prolonged physical distance does not help marriage at all. If you have a prolonged period of career callings that often takes you away from home, allow your spouse to go with you whenever possible, especially in a situation in which you have to consistently deal with members of the opposite sex.

* Don’t bring your frustrations into the bedroom.
Challenges at your place of work and frustrations in your relationship with others have the tendency to weigh you down and may affect romance and sex with your spouse. Learn as much as possible to shut your challenges at workplace and other areas of life out of your bedroom.

* Communication.
Communication is a vital tool for the health of any marriage. When there is any challenge with the sexual life of a couple, sitting down and talking it over is better than bottling it up. You should feel free to discuss with your spouse about sex while he/she should also be free to do so. The more you bottle it up, the more the tendency to be frustrated.

* Being Contented With Your Spouse.
If you are fond of comparing your spouse with other people’s spouses, you may be doing an incalculable damage to your marriage. Complaints may lead to dissatisfaction which may in turn result in lower appetite for sex by either party. Be contented with your spouse.

* Forgiveness.
For a woman especially, sex is more an emotional matter than physical. When your husband has offended you and you are nursing the hurt, seeing him may turn you off instead of turning you on.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
The grass may appear apparently greener on the other side, but the fact is if you wet your own brown grass, it will soon acquire greenness too. – Dr Mike Oluniyi

Main text: Prov.17:22

Memory:
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine:
but a broken spirit drieth the bones.(Prov.17:22)

The consequences of unfulfilled sexual life are almost innumerable because sometimes you may not really realize that some of your complaints or negative actions about your home is really a reaction to unfulfilled sexual life. Every other aspect of the life of a family may be negatively impacted once there is a problem with the sexual life of the couple.
Some of the consequences are listed below:

* Inability to enjoy deep pleasure that comes through a satisfying sexual session.
* Simple matters becoming big issues in the home leading to frequent conflicts. When a man is not sexually fulfilled at home, he reacts to simple matters at home as if they are big problems which often really makes such matters to become big.
* Seeking pleasure outside the home. Many homes have been broken down as a result of members seeking fulfillment outside the home. When that happens, it makes their partners to lose trust in them.
* Unfulfilled marriage. Fulfillment in marriage has a lot to do with sexual relations as a partner that is not fulfilled sexually, under normal circumstances, may not feel fulfilled in the marriage.
* Secondary effects on other areas of family life. A man that is not fulfilled sexually may refuse to fulfill his financial obligations in the home, just as a woman who is not sexually fulfilled may react in an unexpected way to the husband.
* Deep frustration. Unfulfilled sexual life in marriage may result in frustration especially when the problem cannot be shared with others.
* Easy prey to temptation. Someone who is not sexually fulfilled is prone to fall for temptation.
* Inability to work for intimacy in the life of other couples. If you are not sexually fulfilled at home, you may not appreciate or work towards it in the life of other couples under you.
* Gradual deterioration in relationship. One major consequence of unfulfilled sexual marital life is that it may lead to deterioration in the marriage. For instance a man that has started an illicit relationship as a consequence of it may start absenting himself from home.

The truth is that the primary and secondary consequences of sexual challenges at home are unlimited. A man that is sexually starved may not see any other valuable treasure in his wife, thus leading to frequent quarrels at home since there is nothing she will do that can ever satisfy him. A woman that is sexually starved also may unknowingly vent her frustration on anyone that crosses her path which may make those who don’t understand her frustration to come to wrong conclusions about her character.
A satisfactory sexual life may go a long way to determine the success of your home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Discuss with your spouse the likely consequences of sexual challenges in your home from your own angle.

PRAYER
I come against every obstacle against sexual fulfillment in my marriage in Jesus’ name.
(525 words)

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR SPOUSE, ISSUES THAT MAY REDUCE YOUR INTEREST IN HIM/ HER WILL BE MINIMAL. – DR. Mike Oluniyi

Main text: 1Cor.7:3-5

Memory: 1Cor.7:5
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

* The Need To Stay ‘Pure’ During Fasting etc.
As much as it is needful to fast and pray, the need to carry your spouse along can also not be overemphasized.

* Non-readiness for foreplay.
Many men lack the tenderness or the patience to initiate romance that a woman requires to be turned on for sex.
* Punishment, With Confidence That Nothing Could Happen.
Never forget that your spouse may become more vulnerable to temptations if sufficiently or consistently denied sexual fulfillment at home.

* Impotence Or Erectile Dysfunction.
Impotence or Erectile Dysfunction ED is the inability on the part of a man to achieve or sustain an erection for a satisfactory sexual activity. It becomes more common as you get older but it is not a natural part of aging. ED is treatable but has serious effect on the ego of a man and it may grow worse if the wife does not handle such situation with understanding and encouragement.

* High Incidence Of Absence From Home Due To Career Demands.
Frequent or prolonged absence from home as a result of career demands also results in lack of sexual fulfillment for many spouses.

* Inability Or Unreadiness To Forgive.
Without been intentional, inability to forgive partners of offenses may also greatly contribute to sexual problems in the home.

* Life-Altering Trauma.
A woman that was raped or sexually abused when she was young may keep reliving that experience and may even be seeing her husband as someone who may also assault her. A woman who had a life-threatening or disfiguring health challenge such as mastectomy after breast cancer, though the operation was successful, may feel disconnected from sexuality.

* Painful Intercourse.
There are some women who experience pains during sexual intercourse as a result of a medical condition called virginismus. Also, lack of desire may prevent the lubrication of the private parts of the woman which may make sexual intercourse painful for her.

* Other Medical Issues.
Low hormone levels, blood flow problems, depression or medication side effects may lead to erectile dysfunction ED in men and low sexual desire in women. A lot of the drugs you use, unknown to you, have side effects which may negatively impact your sexual capability.

* Faulty Perception Of The Opposite Sex.
A woman who grew up in a family where her mother was badly treated may grow up with the impression that men are generally wicked, consequently affecting her desire for sex.

* Bringing Workplace Challenges To The Bedroom.
When you come home greatly bothered about the challenges experienced at your place of work, you may not feel like initiating romance and even when it is initiated by your spouse, it may be met by rebuff from you.

* Loss Of The First Love.
Sex is an emotional matter for a woman. When she has been emotionally wounded by her husband, it may be difficult for her to respond to her husband’s sexual advances.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• With a careful look at your relationship with your spouse, discuss the factors that have been responsible for poor response to sex from you in the past.
• Did you bother to let your spouse know your feelings?
• In what ways do you think that your spouse may help you towards the reduction or elimination of such problems?
• Is there any challenge you are having with sex which you have not discussed with your spouse?

PRAYER
I come against every obstacle against sexual fulfillment in my marriage in Jesus’ name.
(644 words)

QUOTABLE QUOTE
IT IS USUALLY COVETOUSNESS THAT MAKES YOU TO SEE GREENER PASTURES OUTSIDE YOUR HOME. WAIT AND WET YOUR BROWN PASTURE; IT WILL SOON BECOME GREEN. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Main text: Proverbs 5:15-19

Memory: Proverbs 5:15
Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
and running waters out of thine own well.

EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS
Emotional affair is a non-sexual extramarital affair. It does not appear harmful at the beginning but has been known to wreck a lot of havoc on homes. It starts casually, usually without the intention to go deep. As a pastor for instance, you have a secretary that is so efficient in the assignments given to her, a beautiful choir leader that sings so melodiously, or perhaps a married woman that is so fervent for God and leads the intercessory group in such an inspiring way. Definitely, all the areas the above people hold are vital parts of a functional ministry, so, nobody will blame you for being interested in those departments. Actually, you mean no harm neither are you interested in starting a relationship, but you just appreciate the way the person is handling the department. Sometimes too, it may not really be in the church. It may be a neighbor that you just admire the way she greets, a divorcee or widower who appears so vulnerable and appears to need your help. However, you need to watch out, when the following start happening:
– You start sharing personal thoughts or stories about your family and ministry with him or her.
– You feel a greater emotional intimacy with him or her than your spouse.
– You feel so concerned when it appears as if his or her spouse has offended him or her.
– You start comparing him or her to your spouse by listing where your wife don’t measure up.
– You long for, and look forward to your next contact or conversation.
– You start changing your normal routine or duties to spend more time with him or her.
– You feel the need to keep conversation with him or her secret from your spouse.
– You fantasize about spending time with, getting to know or sharing life with her.
– You fantasize about how great your business or ministry would be with him or her rather than with your spouse.
– You spend significant time alone with him or her.

When you notice one or more of the above, you have unknowingly slipped into emotional affairs.

Following are some of the causes of emotional affairs:
– Lust
– Carelessness
– Perceived deficiency in your marriage
– Lack of communication with your spouse
– Unresolved conflicts at home
– Desire for adventure

Emotional affairs is not actually adultery, since you have not started having sexual intercourse with the person. The truth however is that emotional affairs often go beyond boundaries as there is a very thin line between it and full blown adulterous relationship, avoid it!

Discussion Points With Your Spouse
• Is there any individual which your husband or wife relates with that you feel may lead to emotional affairs?

PRAYER
May I be wise enough to know when a casual relationship is slipping into emotional affair and possess the personal discipline required to stop it in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
TAKE A CAREFUL LOOK AT YOUR WIFE AND YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THAT OTHER WOMAN THAT HAS NOT BEEN PACKAGED INTO HER. THEREFORE, GO BACK HOME! – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

Text. Eccl.9:8-10

Memory:
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity…(Eccl.9:9)

Sexual problems range from low interest or inability to satisfy partner, to complete sex denial. There is a whole range of causes of sexual problems in marriage. The first range of causes we are going to look at today comes under alternative attraction.

When there is an opposite sex that fulfills a part of the roles of your spouse by imagination or by reality, then that person constitutes an alternative attraction to your spouse. Alternative attraction constitutes real danger to sexual fulfillment and hence the overall success of your marriage. This is mainly because if you have already derived the pleasure which is supposed to be provided by your spouse from an alternative source, your need for your spouse is reduced significantly.

In my book, Twelve Laws For Successful Marriage, the law of deadly alternative states that:
Once there is an alternative attraction, your spouse becomes less attractive.
The first form of alternative attraction which may cause problems for the sex life of your marriage is adultery:

ADULTERY
If you are involved in an adulterous relationship, you will soon discover that your demand for sex from your spouse or the pleasure you derive from sexual intimacy with your spouse will reduce drastically. Initially, if you were demanding for sex thrice in a week, you may be able to ask for it twice and pretend that you are tired for the rest of the week but a time will gradually come that you will start seeing faults in your wife that may not even make you to demand for it for even once in a week. A time will come when your mate in adultery may satisfy you so well that you will throw caution to the winds and even stay overnight with him or her and fabricate lies to make up for it. At this stage your extra-marital relationship might have also gradually opened your eyes to ‘deficiencies’ in your spouse that had always been there, but now seemed to be more pronounced because of the alternative attraction you have in the other woman or man. Those exposed deficiencies (which are often imaginary) will gradually make you lose appetite for sex with your spouse completely.
Apart from the fact that once you get involved, it reduces your desire towards your spouse, God specifically warned us against adultery severally in the scriptures. One of such scriptures is Prov.6:32-33
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.

Adultery has the potential to destroy both your marriage and your relationship with God. Avoid it by all means!

PRAYER
My father, shift my attention from any other person distracting my attention from my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

ANY PERSON WHO SHIFTS YOUR DESIRE AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE MAY APPEAR TO BE A DEAR FRIEND, BUT IS REALLY AN ENEMY IN DISGUISE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi