MAIN TEXT: Jam.1:5-8
MEMORY:
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..(Jam.1:5)

Causes of Personality Disorders.
There are two main causes of personality disorders; genetic and environmental factors.
Personality traits may be passed to you by your parents through inherited genes. These traits are sometimes called your temperament.
Also, people who are raised in dysfunctional homes during their early life are prone to develop personality disorders later in life. For instance, an only child who lacked constructive criticism while growing up or was raised in an environment of excessive attention and praise may develop narcissistic personality disorder.
If you have been noticing consistent excessive behavior in your spouse, the following are suggested:
* Get more knowledge about personality disorders to know the category which he or she belongs to.
* With more knowledge, you may prayerfully approach the matter by letting your spouse know what you have learnt about personality disorders and how it affects him or her. However, usually because of biases, it may be better to seek medical help for accurate diagnosis.
* If it is still at the mild stage, the two of you may agree on the course of action to be taken which may include self awareness and self control. You may also assist by reminding him or her whenever the tendency comes towards display. However, please note that it may be safer to seek medical help for treatment.
* Seek help if the situation has gone beyond the mild level because in some cases, the person may become violent which may cause self injury or injury to others.
* At every stage, ask for the wisdom of God because you require it to be able to take the right step at the right time.

As a conclusion, personality disorder as a mental disorder may cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage if not diagnosed early or is not treated. If not treated it becomes worse with the passage of time. Things become really difficult if the affected person is uncooperative.
As a believer, however, there is absolutely nothing that God cannot handle. Even when you suspect or discover personality disorder in your spouse, you neither need to panic nor take extreme steps which may prematurely destroy your home. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit because there is the will of God in every situation which you may always seek. Except God tells you not to seek medical attention, you may need to do so to prevent the situation from getting worse.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Personally Disorder is a very delicate matter to discuss even when you notice it in your spouse, there is need for wisdom. Find a way of following the above steps together.

PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
LET YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD BE A GENUINE ONE, WHEN YOU RAISE YOUR CHILD WRONGLY, HE BECOMES A PROBLEM FOR THE FUTURE SPOUSE. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Prov.1:20-22.
MEMORY:
Wisdom calls aloud outside;
She raises her voice in the open squares.(Prov.1:20)

There are some difficult marriages in which you really have to honestly observe yourself and spouse and try to determine whether either of you is having a personality disorder. If you discover that you have such problem, it may be better for you to face it and seek medical help.
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A husband or wife with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This can cause a host of problems in the home which the spouse will need special skills to cope with. Personality disorder will make the one suffering from it to do some extreme things including violence behaviors. Such behaviors can destroy lives if left undiagnosed and treated.
In many cases you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you. Consequently, instead of finding solution or seeking ways of managing the situation, you may be blaming others including your spouse as the cause of your challenges.


Following is a brief mention of the various forms of personality disorders.

Paranoid Personality Disorder.
Someone with paranoid personality disorder suspects that everyone including the spouse is out to mistreat them. Such a person will not trust the spouse at all.

Schizoid Personality Disorder.
Patients who have this disorder tend to avoid social interactions. Such a husband or wife likes to be left alone, is cold or indifferent to others and does not enjoy activities with others, including sex with the spouse.

Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Patients with antisocial disorder have no regard for the rights and feelings of others. Such a person will not mind doing things that will offend spouse.

Borderline Personality Disorder.
This disorder often leads to unstable emotions and mood swings which may lead to suicidal tendencies. A spouse that is suffering from such disorder may frequently threaten to commit suicide for no serious reasons.

Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Histrionic Personality behavior in a bid to draw attention may act in an overly dramatic or emotional way. Such spouse whether male or female wants constant attention and is easily influenced by others because of the desire for the approval of others.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This disorder causes patients to have exaggerated view of themselves or their importance often leading to arrogance. Such a wife or husband will feel that you should believe that you are privileged to have been married to him or her.

Avoidant Personality Disorder.
If your spouse is extremely shy and harbors consistent feeling of inadequacy, hesitant to confront others about their problem or experiences, and finds it difficult to express his or her feelings, it may be as a result of avoidant personality disorder.

Dependent Personality Disorder.
Those who have this personality disorder are extremely dependent on others. They find it difficult to function without the aid or encouragement of others. Such spouse will find it difficult to decide on any matter without your approval.

Obsessive- Compulsive Personality Disorder.
This disorder is characterized by a compulsion to engage in repetitive behaviors and thought patterns. If your spouse is suffering from it, she is likely to be rigid and stubborn.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• Is there anything in my behavior that needs to be closely examined as a result of the above discussion?


PRAYER
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus’ name.

ILLUSTRATION
IF YOU ARE ALWAYS SEEING FAULTS IN EVERY OTHER PERSON, YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO LOOK INWARDS. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Rom.4:18:22
MEMORY:
Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.(Rom.4:18)

There are situations in difficult marriage that can make you to take steps that may become a source of eternal regrets later. Some of those steps which you must never contemplate are discussed below:

Never Plan To Terminate Life.
There are cases where life is terminated out of frustrations that come with the diverse situations in a difficult home. You must never contemplate terminating either your own life or that of your spouse. Either by poisoning, hired killers or by deliberately allowing situations such as arranged accidents, you must not allow yourself to be used to terminate any life.

Never Think Of Retaliation.
One of the major reasons why you must not contemplate retaliation is that what your spouse is doing to offend you may not be his fault. It may be as a result of a personality disorder over which he doesn’t really have control. When you retaliate, you are most of he time making matters worse. Also, when you retaliate, you run the risk of offending God.(Rom.12:19)

Stop Brooding Over The Situation And Blaming Yourself.
If you fail to forgive yourself or forgive your spouse as the case may be and you keep brooding over the situation, you may be setting up yourself for mental health problems which may only make matters worse for every member of the family.

Never Abandon Your Children.
Never contemplate abandoning your children. For instance, if your husband is the type that is irresponsible concerning the children and you are the one taking care of the children including the payment of school fees, don’t make the mistake of abandoning your children for him. If you do, you will look back later and be full of regrets.

Never Contemplate Divorce Except When Life Is Threatened.
As difficult as things may appear to be in your marriage, you may discover that divorce is not really the solution. Except in a situation where life is threatened, you should not really look at divorce as a possible solution to the problems at home.

Never Rush Decisions When Deeply Hurt.
Take your time when you are deeply hurt by your spouse, before taking decisions. Decisions taken during periods of intense annoyance are usually overreactions which might have damaged things irreparably.

Never Lose Hope.
There is no difficult marriage that can not be straightened. God can use anything to sort out your difficult marriage. Losing hope is like pushing God out of your situation and allowing the devil to have the opportunity to do what he knows how best to do.(Jn.10:10)

Never Abandon Your God.
Periods of challenges may be periods that God will use to teach you vital lessons in your journey of faith; it may be periods for you to demonstrate your commitment to Him.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Discuss and promise yourselves some steps you will never take in whatever situation in your marriage.
* Share with yourselves some regrettable decisions which some people have taken about their home which you feel was wrongly taken during difficult times.

PRAYER
Father, may I never take decisions that will harm my home in the name of Jesus.

QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE ARE STEPS WHICH WILL APPEAR REASONABLE TO YOU IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE THAT YOU WILL ONLY LIVE TO REGRET LATER; PAUSE BEFORE TAKING DRASTIC ACTION. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: 2Pet.1:5-9
MEMORY:
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. (

However difficult the situation is, you must ensure that you don’t lose hope. The following are some of the principles which you may apply to find peace and confidence even in such difficult situations.

Self Examination.
Beam the searchlight on yourself. After self examination, you may discover that it was a foundational problem, in which case you may need to ask God to forgive you and open your eyes to what you may do to manage the situation in which you have found yourself. You may also discover that though your spouse is at fault, there are certain things you are doing to aggravate the situation. In such a situation, you may need to caution yourself against doing what may continually make matters to become worse. If however, after self evaluation you discover that nothing is traceable to you as the source of the problem, there is still something you can do; pray! Prayer changes things.

Be More Committed.
Commitment makes you to desire solution when you could have opted out; it makes you to endure when things are hard and it makes you to pray for the intervention of God when you could have lost hope.

Create Life.
Challenges in marriage often make partners to shut down from each other, thereby snuffing life out of the marriage. Whatever you can do to make your home come alive should be done by you. Instead of shutting down, communicate. Make things that lively up your home to happen

Change Your Perception.
Try to put yourself in your partners shoes and feel how comfortable it is. For instance if the problem is your mother-in-law whom you feel is such a problem and insist must not visit your family, have you considered if you were told that your mum should not visit you? If you are not too rigid, there may be a compromise which may satisfy the two of you.

Change Yourself.
A lot of times, you may be trying to change your spouse when you should actually be trying to change yourself. There are certain elements in the behavior of your spouse that is causing problems in your home which may never change. If you work on yourself, you may be able to respond better or better be able to cope.

Nurture Yourself.
You must not allow the difficult situation in your home to destroy your spiritual, physical and emotional health. As a believer, you can’t afford to allow what is happening in your home to affect your relationship with God negatively. Many in various psychiatric hospitals are there because of marital challenges. Remember that they did not suddenly get there but as a cumulative effect of onslaughts on their mental capacities.
Create time for recreation, discover new hobbies, fulfill a ministry, read new books and grow yourself.

Pursue Your Vision.
Instead of thinking about retaliation or divorce/ separation, why don’t you think of pursuing your vision. Further studies, greater involvement in ministry, meeting the needs of others etc. may be a great way of eliminating the boredom and monotony that comes with difficult marriage.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
*As much as one might have tried in handling a challenging situation at home, there is always extra sacrifice that may be made if there is sufficient level of commitment. If you agree, discuss some extra sacrifices that you may still need to make in your own home.

PRAYER
Father, I receive the grace to take the right decision at the right time in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.
EVEN IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE, THERE MAY BE FUN WHICH HOPELESSNESS IS NOT ALLOWING YOU TO DISCOVER. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Jn.16:31-33.

MEMORY:
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.(Jn.16:33)


The concept of difficult marriage is a relative term, circumstances of which may mean differently to individuals. This is because the situation which will make you to call your own marriage difficult may be less challenging than that which another person is bearing without much complaints. However, in a difficult marriage, you are probably experiencing circumstances which are a lot different from what you hoped to experience in a normal marriage. Maybe your partner is addicted to drug or alcohol, paranoid, never to be trusted, explodes in anger, an unrepentant debtor, or your in-laws are such a problem for your home; or maybe he or she continuously denies you of sex, is adulterous, has chronic health challenges, is abusive etc. You may also be in a marriage situation where though, as a committed child of God, your fiancé promised you as you were going into marriage promised you that you could continue practicing your religion without disturbance while he would remain a Muslim, but now the whole family of your husband including himself is insisting that you must go to the mosque. It may also be a situation in which your spouse appears to be under an inherited curse which appears to have defied every imaginable solution.
Coping with difficult marriages is one of the matters that arise in marriage as it robs you of the piece of mind and serenity which God wants you to have. However as the scripture above reveals, whatever may be the situation we can have victory because Jesus has already conquered for us.

FAULTY FOUNDATIONS THAT MAY RESULT IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE
Often, difficult marriages result from faulty foundation. In most cases, you would have seen the signs before marriage but you ignored it probably due to some initial advantages or because you felt then that it was high time you got married. Usually, if you are going to be frank with yourself, an examination of the foundation of your marriage may reveal the cause of the problem. When you discover the error committed in going into the marriage, it is not for you to dwell on it and consequently be making yourself miserable but for you to think of the necessary steps that may be taken in prayers or in stabilizing yourself.
Let us look at some of the common errors that lead to difficult marriages.

– Not seeking the will of God in marriage.(Eph.1:11)

– Marrying outside your faith. (2Cor,6:14)

– Pre-marital sex.(1Cor.6:18-20)

– Rushing into marriage because of age.

⁃ Lack of appropriate counseling before marriage – Marrying prominent person or family for the sake of it.

– Laying undue emphasis on financial gain to the detriment of your home.


DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Thank God for your home if you feel that your marriage is not one that may be termed a difficult marriage.
* If there is any aspect of your marriage which you feel is not normal, be frank with each other and discuss it with each other.

PRAYER
Father, I cover any error which I made in the past which may affect the future of my marriage in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ERRONEOUSLY WENT INTO DIFFICULT MARRIAGE, DON’T ERRONEOUSLY RUSH OUT OF IT, YOUR OWN CHALLENGES MAY BE MINOR IN COMPARISON WITH YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi