MAIN TEXT: Jn.16:31-33.

MEMORY:
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.(Jn.16:33)


The concept of difficult marriage is a relative term, circumstances of which may mean differently to individuals. This is because the situation which will make you to call your own marriage difficult may be less challenging than that which another person is bearing without much complaints. However, in a difficult marriage, you are probably experiencing circumstances which are a lot different from what you hoped to experience in a normal marriage. Maybe your partner is addicted to drug or alcohol, paranoid, never to be trusted, explodes in anger, an unrepentant debtor, or your in-laws are such a problem for your home; or maybe he or she continuously denies you of sex, is adulterous, has chronic health challenges, is abusive etc. You may also be in a marriage situation where though, as a committed child of God, your fiancé promised you as you were going into marriage promised you that you could continue practicing your religion without disturbance while he would remain a Muslim, but now the whole family of your husband including himself is insisting that you must go to the mosque. It may also be a situation in which your spouse appears to be under an inherited curse which appears to have defied every imaginable solution.
Coping with difficult marriages is one of the matters that arise in marriage as it robs you of the piece of mind and serenity which God wants you to have. However as the scripture above reveals, whatever may be the situation we can have victory because Jesus has already conquered for us.

FAULTY FOUNDATIONS THAT MAY RESULT IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE
Often, difficult marriages result from faulty foundation. In most cases, you would have seen the signs before marriage but you ignored it probably due to some initial advantages or because you felt then that it was high time you got married. Usually, if you are going to be frank with yourself, an examination of the foundation of your marriage may reveal the cause of the problem. When you discover the error committed in going into the marriage, it is not for you to dwell on it and consequently be making yourself miserable but for you to think of the necessary steps that may be taken in prayers or in stabilizing yourself.
Let us look at some of the common errors that lead to difficult marriages.

– Not seeking the will of God in marriage.(Eph.1:11)

– Marrying outside your faith. (2Cor,6:14)

– Pre-marital sex.(1Cor.6:18-20)

– Rushing into marriage because of age.

⁃ Lack of appropriate counseling before marriage – Marrying prominent person or family for the sake of it.

– Laying undue emphasis on financial gain to the detriment of your home.


DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Thank God for your home if you feel that your marriage is not one that may be termed a difficult marriage.
* If there is any aspect of your marriage which you feel is not normal, be frank with each other and discuss it with each other.

PRAYER
Father, I cover any error which I made in the past which may affect the future of my marriage in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
IF YOU ERRONEOUSLY WENT INTO DIFFICULT MARRIAGE, DON’T ERRONEOUSLY RUSH OUT OF IT, YOUR OWN CHALLENGES MAY BE MINOR IN COMPARISON WITH YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: 2Tim.3:14-17.
MEMORY:
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. (2Tm.3:16-17)

God is the creator of marriage. N, it is only natural that He knows the best strategies to use to keep your home a delight. As a result of that, one of the greatest advice you can ever receive if you want to have a delightsome home is that you should always allow the creator of marriage to minister to you. When you do, the following will happen to you:
– You will get to know that it is not good for you to be alone.(Gen.2:18)

– You will be ready to sacrifice greatly for the unity of your home.(Jn.3:27)

– You will realize that your spouse is the best help for your life.(Gen.2:18b)

– You will realize that romance with your spouse is biblical.(Gen.26:8)

– You will realize that your spouse is your burden bearer.(Eccl.4:9-12)

– You will realize that forgiveness should be unlimited.(Matt.18:21-22)

– You will know that nothing should really separate you.(Mk.10:9)

– You will realize that your prayers and even eternity may be in jeopardy when it is not well with your marital relationship. (1Pet.3:7)

– You will realize that God hates divorce.(Mal.2:16)

– You will learn the best description of love.(1Cor.13:4-8)

– You will realize that a lot of the battles we fight in marriage are spiritual.(Jn.10:10)

God has the best ideas tha us t can help your marriage and make it delightsome if you allow Him to minister to you. One major question which you should ask yourself is whether you even have a relationship with God. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, the wisest decision that you can ever take in life is to give your life to Him and I sincerely counsel you to do that straightaway. However, if you have a relationship with Him, you may still need to ask yourself how the relationship is. The stronger your relationship with God, the greater your chances of making it in marriage. Most of the principles that make marriage delightsome are embedded in the scriptures and with our depth in God; some of them may be tasking for you.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* How is our individual relationship with God and how can we help each other to make it better?
* Do we study the scriptures together as a family? How often?
* Do we really allow the word of God to guide us in our decisions in this family?

PRAYER
Father, may we be humble enough to allow your word to guide us in our day-to-day decisions in this family in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
THERE IS NO IDEA ON MARRIAGE THAT WILL BE BETTER THAN THAT OF ITS CREATOR; DON’T IGNORE GOD’S WORD! – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Matt.7:3-5 

MEMORY:Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. (Matt.7:5) 

Though you must not allow your joy to depend solely on the actions of your spouse, you on your part should do everything to provide him pleasure. You should do everything within your power to make your marriage a delight by ensuring that you make your home a pleasant one. Following are some of the suggested ways of giving pleasure to your spouse: Have Pleasure In Giving Pleasure.Let it be your joy to make your spouse happy.

Even when he or she is the other way round, you should derive pleasure in making the relationship between the two of you pleasurable. Learn His Definition Of Fun.What is fun to your friend’s spouse may be disgusting to your own spouse. You must deliberately learn your partner’s definition of fun. When you discover what gives your partner fun and you are desirous of doing it, you will be a source of joy to your partner while he will also be to you. Provide Sex As and When Due And How It Is Needed.It is not an overstatement to say that if you want to make your marriage to be a delight, you must not be economical with sex. Make yourself available for sex with your spouse when and how it is needed. In a situation in which there is great divergence in the desired frequency between you and your spouse, you must be ready to reach compromise with your spouse. You must be as generous as possible in reaching such compromise. When you see a couple that appears to always be excited about each other, one of the major ingredients of that joyful home is sexual satisfaction.Be Unselfish And Ready To Sacrifice Your Own Pleasure.One of the secret sources of smooth running of a home is partners that are desirous of putting the other first. When this unselfish attempt to please one’s partner is mutual it makes the home a pleasant place to be for every member of the family.Never Block The Communication Lines!One of the best ways of providing pleasure for your spouse is by making up your mind never to remove any of the sources of connection between the two of you even when there are offenses. These sources of connection may include the following;Talking together, using the same bed, doing things such as eating and bathing together, praying together,  touching each other, depending on each other for something, calling each other when not together, remembering important dates etc.

 DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE* In which areas do you think that each of you can improve in giving pleasure to each other. PRAYERFather, help me to always be ready to do things that will contribute to making our marriage a pleasurable one in Jesus’ name.(498 words) 

QUOTABLES QUOTES

ALWAYS BE DETERMINED TO DAILY PUT IN SOMETHING TO MAKE YOUR HOME MORE DELIGHTSOME. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

MAIN TEXT: Matt.19:4-6.

MEMORY:
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.(Matt.19:6)

Can you imagine what marriage would have been like, if it is our feelings for each other on wedding day that prevails throughout our lifetime! Unfortunately, most of the time it is not so. In fact, the journey is so rough that an alarming percentage end up in divorce. Who knows what you are even going through now? Complex matters often arise in marriage that gradually drain ‘wine’ from marriage and put it in a downward drive towards separation or divorce! When the reality of those challenges dawn on you, your commitment to keeping the home should come into play. Your commitment should make you to be determined not to truncate but to complete the journey. If you are to do so, you should pay attention to the following:

Learn What Advanced Forgiveness Is All About.
Make up your mind in advance that whatever your partner do to offend you in the future has already been forgiven. The truth is that you will be offended!

Learn to rebuild trust, even when you have been disappointed.
If you really want to complete the journey of marriage, there will be need for trust. When there is absence of trust, a lot of simple matters become big issues which may truncate the journey.

Expect challenges and overcome them!
In any marriage, there are bound to be periods of crisis. So, when you experience the unexpected, don’t have the feeling that you are the only one having challenges in marriage. You should also not feel that your problem is the greatest.

Not all counsels will be applicable in your marriage.
There may be strategies that your friend used to solve a major problem in her own marriage that if you attempt it in your home will lead to its collapse. The reason is that the circumstances surrounding the two homes are different.

Problems have expiry date.
However serious a problem is, since it has a beginning, it must have an end. Although it is often not easy, if you can just keep your peace and hand over the key to your joy to God, you will discover in not too distant time that it is all over.

Time heals all wound.
However embarrassing a situation your spouse has caused and whatever may be the level of the publicity, the news will soon become stale. It is a matter of time, the news will soon die down. (Eph.4:26)
Prolonged anger may deal a devastating blow on your home, avoid it.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Go Through the vows you took on your wedding day once again and convince yourselves that this union must last throughout your lifetime despite any challenges that you are experiencing or may come your way.
* Can you really say that you are doing your best in making this marriage a delight?

PRAYER
Father, help me never to cooperate with the devil to reduce the pleasure that my spouse experiences in this relationship in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE

THE RACE OF MARRIAGE IS A MARATHON; SO, YOU NEED STAMINA TO FINISH THE RACE. -Dr. Mike Oluniyi

MAIN TEXT: Jer.17:5-8.

MEMORY:
…Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, …(

Most of us expect our spouse to keep us happy. Once that does not happen, it makes us miserable because our expectation of pleasure from them is so high. In fact a very high percentage of lack of fulfillment in marriage is that of feelings resulting from spousal disappointment. Some of the reasons why your joy should not be solely dependent on your spouse are;
– He is a human being who has his own personal issues to attend to.
– When you offend him, it may be difficult for him to make you happy until the conflict is over.
– There are certain circumstances of life which may prevent your spouse from making you happy as much as he would have desired to.
– He also may lose his own joy for one reason or the other, it may not be reasonable to expect him to give you what he doesn’t have.
– Spiritual forces may operate against your union, thereby even making him to be a source of concern to you.
– Other matters may distract his attention from making you happy.
– As a result of some personal weaknesses on his part, your spouse may deliberately decide not to make you happy even for a season.

Who Then Should Hold the Key to Your Joy?
You should allow your God to hold the key to your joy by opening up, interacting with and living the treasure chest of the promises of God in the scriptures; (

When your joy is dependent on God, several things will happen:
– You will see your spouse as a human being who has the tendency to disappoint at any time.
– You will be determined to love your spouse despite knowing that you may often be disappointed.
– You will be able to appreciate him for any little good deed he performs. Appreciating your spouse for little things will likely make him to be determined to do more to please you.
– You will be able to ask God for help to be your best in that marriage.
– You won’t hold him responsible for your joy; you are responsible because, even if he does something bad, you can choose how to respond.
– Then, whatever bad news anyone gives you about your spouse can’t make you sad because you are in charge of your life.

Really, who holds the key of joy in your marriage is a decision you must make and it flows from who you are in Christ. When you are personally secured about who you are, it will be difficult for anyone or circumstances to frustrate you or make you to lose your joy.

DISCUSSION POINTS WITH YOUR SPOUSE
* Try to remember the times which you made each other unhappy in the past; which ones were deliberate, which were not deliberate?
* If your joy In so dependent on who you are in Jesus Christ, how is your relationship with Him?
* Do you know that the better your relationship with Jesus Christ, the more you will likely make each other happy?

PRAYER
My father and my God, may I always grow in my relationship with you so that my joy will be more dependent on you than anyone else in Jesus’ name.


QUOTABLE QUOTE
LET GOD HOLD THE KEY TO YOUR JOY BECAUSE IF IT IS HELD BY ANY OTHER PERSON, YOU WILL OFTEN BE SAD. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi