Main text: Eccl. 4:9-12.

Memory: Ecclesiastes 4:12

‘And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’

God loves variety. In all marriages, the husband and wife are differently gifted, so what is missing in one is embedded in the other. Any marriage that can overcome every inhibition to be ‘lone rangers’ and combine the potentials in the two members is bound to achieve great things.

The covenant of marriage is also a very powerful covenant. When you do anything in agreement with your spouse, it appears that God backs it up and it comes out successfully. Consequently, agreement is very important in marriage.

If you can strive in your home to reach an agreement in whatever step you are about to take, especially business or ministry decisions, you will discover the power of unity in the home. I have noticed that in any business where the husband and wife are in partnership, the success rate is very high.

Agreeing in the family is however often easier said than done. As a man, your ego may often prevent you from doing things in agreement with your wife. As a wife too, there are potentially internal and external factors that may be inhibiting you from doing things in agreement with your husband.

Agreement on any matter before embarking on it improves your rate of success in any endeavor and in turn contributes to the success of the home because you will need each other to take every important decisions. Once you are married, God looks at you both as operating a joint account with Him. Can you imagine the difficulty of trying to singularly withdraw money from such account without your co-signatory?

‘And this is the second thing you do:

You cover the altar of the Lord with tears,

With weeping and crying;

So He does not regard the offering anymore,

Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.

Yet you say, “For what reason?”

Because the Lord has been witness

Between you and the wife of your youth,

With whom you have dealt treacherously;

Yet she is your companion

And your wife by covenant.’

(Malachi 2: 13 &14)

Your dependence on each other, fostered by the desire to agree on issues, do improve communication and strengthen the home. When you depend on each other, it increases the chances of success in whatever you are doing and has great impact on the success of your marriage.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• What are the obstacles you have identified preventing you from joint decision making in your home.

• What steps can you take to eliminate such obstacles.

PRAYER

LORD, I come against every obstacle that has been preventing us from taking decisions together in this home in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

WHEN YOU DECIDE ON ANY MATTER IN AGREEMENT WITH YOUR SPOUSE, THE QUALITY OF YOUR DECISION APPRECIATES.

Mike Oluniyi.

Crisis period is inevitable in any marriage.

Text: Jn.16:31-33

Memory:

‘These things I have spoken to you so that in me ye might have peace. In the world, ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.’(John 16:33)

However beautiful a relationship may be, there must be a period of shaking. It may be loss of job, illness, adultery, investment loss, deviant child, disaster etc. Such crisis is sometimes caused by either or both of the husband and wife, but most of the time, the causes are beyond any member of the family. A drastic change in government policy may sometimes throw a comfortable family into serious crisis just as an accident can leave an indelible mark on the family.

While not praying for crisis, you must be sufficiently committed to your marriage so that whatever happens, your home will continue to be on its feet. There is nothing that will happen in your home that has not happened somewhere else; most of the couples you are seeing are still together because they learnt the appropriate strategy of overcoming their own challenges. Maybe your spouse was caught in adultery, I can assure you other spouses have also been caught in worse cases when compared with your own. They are still together because they have learnt that your ability to overcome the unpleasant challenges that life throws at you is one major thing you must achieve if your marriage will make it.

However, if you find yourself in such situation, it may be better to take the following steps:

1. Convince yourself that you could have found yourself in a worse situation. Whatever might have happened to you, there is still a situation that could have been worse.

2. Find a way of scaling down your standard of living, if it is a financial crisis. For instance, if your children are attending a high fee-paying school, there is nothing wrong in taking them to a lesser one or even to public school. You may also need to adjust your ways of life with respect to the friends you relate with.

3. Don’t complicate things for yourself. For instance, if you are in a financial crisis and a proposal is presented to you that you should obtain a loan, using your house as a collateral, you may discard the proposal because if you fail to pay, you will lose your home and your family will be subjected to greater stress than you are presently experiencing.

4. Don’t lose your faith and don’t lose hope. (Luke 22:31-32)

5. Stop blaming your spouse. Your encouragement may be all that will be needed for him to weather the storm.

While not praying for crisis, you must realize that the unexpected often occurs in marriage, make up your mind that whatever happens, your marriage will not crash. The expectation of God is for you to keep your home to the end. So help you God!

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• What are the resolutions you have made as a couple to help you during any period of challenge?

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

HOWEVER STABLE YOUR HOME IS, THERE WILL BE A PERIOD OF SHAKING. WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT IS NOT THE TIME TO DISCARD YOUR SPOUSE BUT A TIME TO DEMONSTRATE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE IS ‘TILL DEATH DO US PART’ – Dr. Mike Oluniyi

You Must Learn To Live With The Weakness Or The Imperfections Of Your Spouse.

Main text: 2 Cor.12:7-10

Memory:

2 Corinthians 12:9

‘And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’

Think about your spouse very well; it is very likely that there is something in him or her you would not have put, if you were God that created him or her.

There is no perfect wife neither is there any perfect husband anywhere. For you to have a successful marriage, there must be an imperfection that you have to live with in your spouse. If you see any ‘perfect’ couple, the success in their home is not as a result of absence of weaknesses in either or both of the spouses but as a result of having learnt to live with those traits in their spouse that they don’t like.

Maybe as a lady, you hate someone who snores, but as you slept after your wedding you heard the sound of snoring as if a trailer is ascending a hill, what will you do? If it is particularly difficult for your spouse to stop snoring, it will be better for snoring to become sweet music that lures you to sleep. If you don’t, you will definitely not enjoy your marriage.

Some imperfections may actually be a blessing in disguise. God can use the weak things of the world to achieve great things.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to

confound the wise … (1 Cor. 1:27-29)

You will be doing yourself a great deal of good if you can learn to live with the weakness or imperfection in your spouse. Come to think of it, there is also one in you, being accommodated by your spouse. Many homes have broken down because of intolerance. The unfortunate part of it is that if you allow your home to collapse as a result of it, your next spouse will not have the same imperfection but will definitely have her own which may be worse than the one you tried to avoid. That’s the reason why many end up having several marriages in their single lifetime.

The following are some of the reasons why many fail to accept the imperfections of their spouses:

1. They are yet to realize that they themselves are not perfect.

2. They are into extra-marital affairs.

3. They are comparing their spouse with someone else.

4. They are regretting marrying their spouse.

5. They are having the erroneous impression that their friend’s spouse is perfect.

6. They fail to realize that what they abhor in their spouse may actually be a blessing in disguise.

7. Unforgiveness.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Is there any area of imperfection in your spouse that you are yet to accept?

• What do you think is making it difficult for you to accept it?

• What is the imperfection that you have been able to perfectly adjust to in your spouse?

PRAYER

I receive the grace to perfectly accept my spouse without any reservations in Jesus name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

IF YOU DIVORCE YOUR SPOUSE BECAUSE OF A PROBLEM WHICH YOU DISCOVERED IN HER, THE ‘ANGEL’ THAT WILL REPLACE HER WILL NOT COME IN WITH THAT PARTICULAR PROBLEM BUT WITH A BRAND NEW SET OF PROBLEMS – Mike Oluniyi.

DAY 10

ANY ALTERNATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE IS DEADLY TO YOUR HOME

Text: Matt.19:5-6.

Memory:

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt. 19:5-6)

An alternative attraction is a member of the opposite sex from whom you derive part or whole of the pleasure that you are supposed to derive from your spouse.

In the life of a marriage, either spouse must interact with members of the opposite sex. In the process of interacting with others, temptation comes; something catches your attention about a member of the opposite sex. Sometimes it is immediate, but most of the time it happens as you continue to work closely with them, share personal experiences with them or something brings you close to them often. Often, it happens quite innocently as the person you are attracted to does not have the intention of seducing you but at other times, there is a deliberate attempt to do so. Once you are affected, your spouse gradually becomes less attractive to you. Ultimately, such alternative attraction goes beyond ordinary help and goes into sexual involvement which becomes really deadly to your home.

Some of the men who have been involved in extramarital affairs may claim to still be attracted to their wives despite their affairs. The truth is that when you are initially involved in an affair, you may still be considering your spouse and home but you will get to a stage when you become so used to it that you will throw caution to the winds, damn any apparent consequences, and in fact do everything possible to do away with your spouse. Some of the things that cheating spouses do are as follows:

1. They tell lies to cover their tracks and when the one they told before is about to be exposed they manufacture a bigger one.

2. Their interest in the welfare of their spouse reduces with time.

3. Their relationship with God gets negatively impacted.

4. They become gradually ready to do away with anyone, including their spouse, who opposes their plan.

5. They waste a lot of resources that could have been spent or invested on their family on the alternative attraction.

6. They tend to forget the good side of their spouse and remember only the ugly side of their spouse. At a stage, they either abandon their home or do anything possible to drive out their spouse.

7. They tend to become closer to people they were not close to before, such as members of their family, who support such moves they are making.

Once there is an alternative attraction, your sweetheart who you could not do without may become the devil who you have to do away with by all means. If you want to make your marriage successful, avoid getting involved in a relationship with the opposite sex. Don’t start it at all, because once started, it may be very difficult to break.

Any alternative to your spouse is deadly to your home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

PRAYER

May I never be involved in digging grave for my marriage by having an alternative attraction to my spouse in Jesus’ name.

QUOTABLE QUOTE.

ONCE THERE IS ALTERNATIVE ATTRACTION, YOUR SPOUSE BECOMES LESS ATTRACTIVE TO YOU. – Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

DAY 9

REASONS WHY MANY FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SACRIFICE FOR THEIR HOME

Text. 1Cor.4:6-7.

Memory:

For who makes you differ from another? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? (1Cor.4:7)

Many of us find it extremely difficult to sacrifice relationships, resources, time and pleasure to keep our homes because of some reasons, some of them are:

LACK OF TRUST- For many, they have been disappointed by their spouse in the past, so they find it difficult to sacrifice anything for the spouse. If you have been disappointed in the past and your spouse has apologized, why don’t you forgive and build up trust again? The journey of marriage is so long that you can’t afford to go on with lack of trust, you simply won’t enjoy it.

INSECURITY- Often, the reason why many can’t sacrifice is insecurity. Maybe the spouse of a friend of yours treated your friend badly or maybe all your husband’s siblings have an uncomfortable trend in their family and you are now having the feeling that your own spouse may also do the same thing. The fact that someone else’s spouse did something bad does not mean your own spouse will do the same thing. If the two of you believe in the efficacy of prayer, a trend that has been playing out in the family for generations can stop with your own spouse.

IGNORANCE- Often, many ignorantly fail to put things in proper perspective, and thus fail to establish the fact that their home take precedence over any other consideration. When you are ignorant of this fact, it prevents you from making the necessary sacrifices to keep your home.

LACK OF COMMITMENT- When you are not committed to your home as a result of alternative attraction, you may find it difficult to sacrifice anything to keep your home. In fact, many that are in illicit relationship, apart from inability to sacrifice, won’t even mind if their home collapses. It is often after it happens that they discover their folly.

WRONG COUNSEL- Behind the ruins or the breakdown of many homes is the wrong counsel received from friends. When a friend is advising you against doing something that can keep your home going, you need to evaluate such counsel before implementing it.

Except when your spouse has been unrepentantly and evidently unfaithful to his or her marital vows, there are at least three reasons why you must be ready to sacrifice:

1. You don’t really own anything separately; all you have are jointly owned by the two of you.

2. If you hold on to it while your home suffers, you are not faithful to your marital vows.

3. If you fail to sacrifice that thing and your home breaks down, what you are holding on to will not give you fulfillment.

If you love your home, you must be ready to sacrifice anything for it; that will definitely be less expensive than losing your home.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse

• Do you find it difficult to trust your spouse? Why?

QUOTABLE QUOTE

SACRIFICE WHATEVER YOU NEED TO SACRIFICE TO KEEP YOUR HOME; DIVORCE OR SEPARATION WILL DEFINITELY BE MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE. – Dr. Ike Oluniyi.